Know the Beasts
by Bowser Jr. Nutt
Summary: Olimar and the gang are going out to risk their lives trying to teach you pointless information about the beasts in pikmin while getting paid almost nothing. Well, what are you waiting for! Chapter 9 finnaly up! PLEASE review!
1. Introductions

-1**Introductions**

Olimar: Hello! We know you want to see the story, (or maybe you just entered here to check this out), but first we have to clear a few things up. First off, introductions. My name is Captain Olimar. I am commander of this fleet.

Louie: Fleet? What fleet?

Olimar: Anyways…I tell you all you need to know about the scientific process on the species you will be viewing. I will provide you all you need to know-

President: (muttering) More like far more than you need to know…

Olimar: -about all of the creatures we will see.

Louie: I'm Louie, and I basically decipher whatever language he's speaking, so you won't have to feel this is like educational television.

President: I'm the President of Hotochocholate Freight, and I will be the brave financer who's along for the ride.

Louie: Brave my a-

Yellow Pikmin: (very fast) Hello! What's your name? I'm Yellow Pikmin! I'm the happy go lucky environmentalist who talks about conservation! Yay!

Purple Pikmin: Hi, I'm Purple Pikmin. I don't know why I'm here, but for some cruel reason I'm used as bait, shields, and objects to throw with! I mean, what's up with that! Sure, I eat a lot, but that's still no excuse! Who's bright Idea was it to have that done to me!

Bowser Jr. Nutt: (whistles innocently)

Blue Pikmin: What's up, fools? I'm Blue Pikmin, and I'm the safety officer around here. I carry around the big guns to make sure these pansies I work with don't get eaten. Huh? What big guns? Well, four of the items didn't get bought, so they are now used as weapons.

Red Pikmin: I'm Red Pikmin. I just hang around most of the time, but for some reason I always get severely injured during every journey! But I always live for some reason…

White Pikmin: I'm White Pikmin. I'm am the Geologist, Meteorologist, and Glaciologist, but I specialize in caves. I'm also responsible to find everyone in a cave when their lost.

Blue Pikmin: Okay, that's everyone. Second off, Onomonopias will be in bold words, like these.

He got out the four weapons.

Flare Cannon: **SSSSSSSSSSSST!**

Monster Pump: **Donpachi! Donpachi!**

Shock Therapist: **Tink, Tink…BZZZZZZZZZT!**

Comedy Bomb: **THHHHHT!**

Blue Pikmin: Don't worry, we won't do that every time we fire the dang weapons!

Louie: Thoughts will be in Italics, like this. _This fic is a bunch of bull-_

Olimar: And that's all you need to know!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please R&R! The first real chapter is up next!


	2. Of Bulbax and Bee Societies

-1**Of Bulbax and Bee-Societies **

The ship touched down on the planet and out came the gang.

Ship: All right, everyone get out!

Purple Pikmin: What's his problem?

Red Pikmin: He's just upset because he wasn't mentioned in the introduction.

Ship: And why shouldn't have I been mentioned!

Louie: Because you're a hunk of talking metal.

Ship: Oh.

Olimar: Quiet down everyone! Since there's no Fourth Wall , they can hear every word we're saying!

White Pikmin: Who's "they" ?

Olimar: Who cares.

Blue Pikmin: Good Point.

Olimar: Alright, so today we're going to be studying the behavior traits and properties of the grub-dog family.

Everyone: …

Louie: He said that we're going to go watch, and most likely get eaten by, a bunch of stupid bulbax.

Everyone: Oh.

They went down into the nearest cave with the enormous man power of three unarmed Hotchocians, four unarmed pikmin, one armed pikmin, and a rusty, loudmouth ship.

President: Do you even know what cave this is?

Olimar: No idea. Look over there!

Over to where Olimar was pointing, there was a cluster of small, spotted animals sniffing the ground.

Olimar: Those are dwarf bulbax. Although they look and behave like bulbax, they are in fact of the bread bug family, so they copy the appearance, and even the behavior of the bulbax family!

Louie: So what your trying to tell us, is they're FAKES!

Olimar: That's one way of putting it.

Everyone walked off, except the Blue Pikmin who stood behind to kill the fakers. When he was done, he joined the others. They walked on until they bumped in to a large spotted creature sleeping on the floor.

Olimar: This is the Red Bulbax. Unlike the Dwarf bulbax, they are true members of the bulbax family. They are nocturnal sit-and-wait predators that only hunt in the day if they are awakened.

Louie: So these are NOT fakes, but they ARE drop down lazy bums who sleep all day.

Olimar: Again, that's one way of putting it.

Red Pikmin: Do you think it's a good Idea to be standing so close?

Olimar: Don't worry. It takes nothing short of a pikmin attack to wake these guys.

They kept on walking until they saw a large creature covered in white fur.

Olimar: This is the Hairy Bulbax. Just like it's cousin, the Red Bulbax, it's a sit-and-wait predator that sleeps most of the day. Because of the hair on it's back, it can live in colder regions than other animals. However, the hair is only lightly added so if spooked, the bulbax could lose all of it's hair.

Louie: So if you walk up to it and go BOO, it go's bald.

Olimar: Okay…Well just like it's cousin, it takes nothing short of a pikmin attack to wake them.

They approached another sleeping bulbax with orange skin.

Olimar: This is the Orange Bulbax. Another member of the true bulbax family, this one is also a sit-and-wait nocturnal predator. The only big difference from the red bulbax it has is it's yellow, blood-shot eyes, which indicate that these bulbax are high-edge and are more easily woken then they're cousins.

Louie: Does that explain why it's about to chomp your head off?

Olimar turned around to see the very grumpy bulbax awake and ready to bite. On reflex, Olimar reached out and used Red Pikmin as a shield. As the bulbax was chewing him, the others escaped.

Olimar: Poor Red Pikmin! I knew thy well…

Red Pikmin: Actually, you've only known me for one chapter.

Everyone: Your Alive!

Ship: How did you escape?

Red Pikmin: Olimar forgot to mention the Orange bulbax can complete their digestive cycle in less than a minute.

President: That still doesn't explain how you- …..oh….

Yellow Pikmin: (loudly and quickly) Hey! Look over there! It's a whole cavern full of sleeping bulbax! I don't think we should make any loud noises, guys! They might wake up and try to eat us! They- Oh, their already awake…

Indeed, every one of the ten sleeping bulbax in the cave were now awake and ready to go.

Blue Pikmin: …When you die, Yellow Pikmin…I'm going stop on your grave, graffiti your tombstone, and laugh at your death.

Yellow: Don't be silly! Odds are I'll be eaten before I'm buried!

On signal, the bulbax charged. Everyone ran except Purple Pikmin, who was to overweight to outrun the bulbax. So everyone had to carry him, the thought of dropping him and leaving him behind crossed everyone's mind at least once, some more than others. Unfortunately, they saw a ravine ahead and were running to fast to stop, so they fell…

Olimar woke up and looked around. His friends where nowhere in sight! Oh yeah, he doesn't have friends, only people who follow him because they had nothing else to do…His not real friends where nowhere in sight!

Olimar: My not real Friends! I must find them! …Is that what I think it is over there? In light of my situation, I will give the readers a good, educational show.

**Meanwhile…**

Louie had already long woken up and started to look for everyone.

Louie: Wait…My Olimar is making a stupid decision so the readers learn pointless things senses™ are tingling!

**Meanwhile…**

White Pikmin woke up. Seeing his situation, he also started to look for his friends and his not real friend. Because of his tunnel vision, he could see everything in the entire cave. He saw all of the others already up and looking around. He saw all of the Bulbax who chased them retuning to their nap. He also saw…

White Pikmin: (gasp!)

**Meanwhile…**

When President woke up, he thought he was dreaming. He was surrounded by golden colored eggs, and many other treasures they must have missed from their last trip! When he realized he wasn't dreaming, only one thought filled his mind.

President: I'M RICH!

He pranced around and collected the golden eggs, thinking about how much they were all worth. $100,000 pokos? $1,000,000? $10,000,000? His greed little mind was to wound up in the sudden realization of being socially secure to notice that one of the eggs he was holding was starting to hatch. Out from the egg was a small looking bulbax with a bright yellow sheen. It stared up at the President with it's large, newly developed eyes.

President: Aww, he's cute…Wait a minute! If they all hatch it will decrease all of the egg's value! AND I'LL BE STUCK PLAYING MOMMA! Louie! He's a bug chef, he could cook these things up into something delicious that can be sold to an even higher price than the eggs! I'd be killing two birds with one stone!

He was still rambling when the beast approached him from behind. He turned around long enough to see and enormous tongue before he was inside it's mouth.

**Meanwhile…**

Ship: Of everyone I could have been stuck with, it had to be with the kamikaze with guns!

Blue Pikmin: Would you rather be stuck with Olimar?

Ship: Good point.

Blue Pikmin and the Ship had woken up long ago and found that they had fallen into the same cavern. Already setting out, the Ship had thought he was happy to be along with someone crazy enough to try to kill all the monsters that come their way, but after the beasts got worst, the Ship thought it was crazy to try to fight and would rather run, but Blue Pikmin was addicted to shooting monsters and wouldn't let him run.

Blue Pikmin: Has your scanners picked up anyone?

Ship: Only the President, but he's in a cavern we can't get to without everyone's help. Besides, it shows him in the belly of a large creature so my scanners must be malfunctioning.

Blue Pikmin nodded. That seemed logical, but some how, he didn't think so…

**Meanwhile…**

Olimar walked over to the very trampled ground and tried to spot his target. He finally spotted it and faced the screen with the beast in the background. It was an enormous creature, much larger than any other they've encountered so far, that had a black back with red spots, and had long canines protruding from it's mouth. It also had many smaller looking forms of its self following it around.

Olimar: That over there is a Black Bulbear. A true member of the grub-dog family, it is a carnivore that prays on smaller creatures, it is also the third largest member of the grub-dog family. The Black Bulbear is very different from other species of the grub dog family, however. For one thing, it is not a sit-and-wait predator but an active predator that hunts prey instead of trapping them. Second, it is not completely nocturnal. It hunts until it drops and sleeps for a few hours before hunting again. Since it does not have a specific curfew, it is considered a day-round animal. Also, it has a specific hunting track, a territory of some sorts, and will usually only hunt in it's own "territory" until there is no more food. It is then that they fight with other bulbears over territories to try to expand it for more area to hunt.

He walked over so the smaller animals were in the background.

Olimar: Those over there are Dwarf Bulbears. They are the exact same species as the Black Bulbear only in juvenile form. Even as younglings, they hunt for food just like the adults. Only instead of going alone to hunt, they usually tail and adult while hunting for protection. The amazing thing is it doesn't even have to be it's parent! It will trail a total stranger just as willing as they are to trail one they know. The Adults let strange young hunt with them in hope that they will help it bring down the kill, and without having to worry about feeding them since young need far less food than the adults. Bulbears have acute hearing and can hear an animal usually before they hear it. But don't worry, I'd take Yellow Pikmin's voice for them to hear me way over here.

As if by a jinx, Yellow Pikmin, who also had been up looking for everyone, walked into the cavern and saw Olimar but unfortunately didn't see the Bulbears.

Yellow Pikmin: (loudly and quickly) OLIMAR! I'm so glad to see you! I've been trying to find someone for ages! Are you talking to "them"? Can I talk to "them"?

He rushed up to the awe struck Olimar and looked at the screen.

Yellow Pikmin: (loudly and quickly) HELLO! Hello! Are you there, "them"? Can you hear me? Can you see me? You can? Awesome! I've never talked to "them" before! I- Oh look, more scary thingies…

The adult Bulbear was on them with the young greedily watching. Olimar and Yellow Pikmin did the only sensible thing, scream and run…

**Meanwhile…**

Ship: Keep firing! Quick! Give me the Monster Pump and Flame Cannon! I'll hold them off on the flank!

Blue Pikmin, who was busily shooting the Comedy Bomb (no longer filled with laughing gas but with chlorine, a gas even more toxic than the oxygen on the planet (oxygen really is toxic, by the way)) and Shock Therapist in both hands, grabbed the two and tossed them to the Ship, who caught them in it's claws and immediately started firing.

They had been searching for the others when they started the dangerous habit of calling out their names. In doing this they attracted what looked like an entire colony of Bulbear, young and adult. The carcasses were starting to pile around them with every shot taken. _If Louie were here_, Blue Pikmin thought, _ he could use these carcasses to make us Bulbear stakes for a whole year!_

**Meanwhile…**

Louie was walking down a strange cavern when he saw the two clueless Pikmin looking around. Red and Purple Pikmin had only just awoken and where clueless ( well, more clueless than usual) about their situation.

Red Pikmin: Louie? What happened?

Louie: Everyone got separated when we fell through that ravine. I haven't found anyone else yet, but I'm still searching.

Purple Pikmin: Whoa, let's find the others!

Louie nodded and they all ran off.

**Meanwhile…**

White Pikmin was using his tunnel vision to lead him through paths with no monsters until he got to the nearest Friend.

White Pikmin: I got to tell them about this! I just hope that thing's digestive cycle isn't as quick as the Orange Bulbax's is…

**Meanwhile…**

Olimar and Yellow Pikmin where away form the Bulbear and where catching their breath when they heard the nearby sounds of weapon fire and Monster roars. They quickly followed the sound until they reached Blue Pikmin and the Ship. They where surrounded by Bulbears and were firing the weapons.

Ship: Olimar! Yellow Pikmin! I'd be glad to see you both, but you'd probably make me regret it.

Blue Pikmin: Catch!

The Ship threw the Flare Cannon to Olimar and Blue Pikmin threw the Comedy Bomb to Yellow Pikmin. It took them a few seconds of shell shock for them to understand before they also started firing. With the combined effort, they managed to kill off all of the Bulbear in only seconds.

Olimar: What happened!

Ship: Well, you see- …Wait…my scanners are picking up signs of Louie, Red and Purple Pikmin approaching!

Just then, Louie and the two Pikmin entered the cavern.

Louie: It's about time!

Red Pikmin: Whoa! What's with all of the Bulbear carcasses!

Purple Pikmin: Can we eat them?

Ship: I'm sure Louie can cook- …White Pikmin is heading our way!

White Pikmin burst out of the adjacent passage.

White Pikmin: Guys!

Olimar: White Pikmin! It's good to finally see you!

White Pikmin: Listen! President has been eaten!

Everyone: (gasp!) ……Yay!

Olimar: Hey! There's a creature in this cavern over here!

Louie: Olimar, you idiot! Now is not the time to be giving biology lessons!

But Olimar was already speaking with the creature in the background. It was huge, and had a long, engorged abdomen. It appeared to be sleeping. Around it were small, yellow colored creatures scurrying around it.

Olimar: That is the Empress Bulbax. She is the only bulbax that lays eggs and takes temporary monarchy when gestating. This shows that bulbax work in a bee-society, a society with one ruler and everyone else are workers. During this period, other bulbax simultaneously change sex to help with keeping balance. They can lay the larvae of any of the bulbax species. They are the second largest members of the grub-dog family. Surrounding her are Larval Bulbax. Once they are born, they immediately start hunting but never stray to far from the Empress. It is impossible to tell which species of bulbax they are at birth and only when they first shed their skin can they be identified by their new-found colors.

Louie: That's nice, but the fact is- DANG, THAT THING IS BIG!

Louie's sudden outburst awoke the Empress and got the attention on the larva. The Empress let out a loud call that echoed through the cave, then motioned her larva to attack.

**Meanwhile…**

The beast was stalking around, looking for more food. It would take awhile before he fully digested that tasty snack trying to shanghai the eggs that he ate an hour ago, but until then he would have to endure the hatful thing squirming in his gullet.

: _ Food…_

Suddenly his ears picked up the sound of the Empress roaring.

: _Must…help…queen…_

With that, he trotted off.

**Meanwhile…**

Blue Pikmin was standing alone fighting off the larva and the Empress while everyone else hid behind a rock. It only took a few minutes to kill them and everyone else got out from hiding.

Everyone else: Err…We weren't scared!

Blue Pikmin: Really…could have fooled "them".

Before they could respond they heard a loud thumping sound (think Jurassic Park) coming from the entrance.

Ship: My scanners indicate that whatever ate President is approaching because the Presidents signal is getting stronger.

Louie: Okay, I'm probably going to regret this but, Olimar, What do you think it is?

Olimar: There's only one creature that could be that big. The Emperor Bulbax. The largest member of the grub-dog family, They are both active and sit-and-wait predators. They hunt down prey and catch them in their long, adhesive tongue before eating them with their enormous jaws. They are have the largest jaws of any living animal ever recorded, and their entire body can be larger than my ship, the S.S. Dolphin.

Everyone stared at him like he was crazy.

Louie: What do you mean, _Like_ he's crazy? He _is _crazy! Only he would be dumb enough to try to give an educational show to viewers while we're about to be eaten!

Suddenly, a huge bulbax with stock-like eyes, a rock-like back, and an enormous tongue burst out of the cavern entrance with a mighty roar. Olimar looked at beast as if it were some large, interesting bug (You mean it isn't?), Blue Pikmin was trying to decide which weapon he should use to fry the monstrosity, Louie was staring at it's tongue while mentally thinking of the method to cook it, and everyone else just ran around in circles (for the ship's explorer pod it was more like power-floating), screaming. Fortunately for them, a huge boulder fell from the ceiling and squished the Bulbax. Out of it spewed disgusting green guts.

Everyone: …eww…

Suddenly some of the guts got up and started walking toward them like a-

Louie: Gut monster!

Olimar: A natural phenomenon!

Ship: Possessed bulbax guts!

Purple Pikmin: Some guy wearing a slime costume!

Red Pikmin: Michael Jackson!

Yellow Pikmin: President's mom!

The thing shook the guts off to reveal President.

Yellow Pikmin: President! I'm so happy to see- …I was just joking about the your mom thing……Don't kill me!

Olimar: Well everyone, wasn't that a great adventure?

Louie: No

Ship: Not really.

Yellow Pikmin: Yes.

Blue Pikmin: Awesome.

Red Pikmin: ……Huh? Did you say something?

Olimar: Well, anyways, there is the geyser!

They all walked over and jumped into the geyser, sending them to the surface.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How did you like that? Please R&R! The next chapter will come soon!


	3. Show Those Legs!

I do not own Pikmin but I do own the Boom-cloud beetle.

**Show Those Legs! **

The ship touched down on the planet and everyone got out.

Olimar: That was the best dinner I've had since my wife started cooking!

President: I can't believe we ate all of those stakes and didn't sell a single one! It's heart breaking…

Red Pikmin: As far as I know, money is the only heart you have for.

Olimar: Enough everyone! Okay, today we are…Wait…I can't see "them"!

Yellow Pikmin: What does this mean?

Louie: It can only mean one thing…

Ship: What?

Louie: ……WE HAVE A FOURTH WALL!

Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHH!

Everyone ran (and floated) around screaming.

Olimar: Wait! I have an Idea!

Olimar got out a cell phone and dialed rapidly.

Olimar: Can you come? Okay, great!

He hung up.

Olimar: They're sending in a special squad.

Suddenly a bunch of girls in outfits jumped out.

Cheerleader: Ready?

Other Cheerleaders: O-kay!

Olimar: Not that special squad!

They hung their heads and walked away. Just then, a small ship descended from the clouds and a man walked out.

Man: Fourth wall repairman, what can I do you for?

Olimar: Okay, this is going to sound strange, but we actually need you to break a fourth wall, can you do it?

Man: Sure.

He stared at the screen while rubbing his chin.

Man: Well, it looks like your fourth wall is already broken.

Blue Pikmin: But, why can't we see "them"?

Man: It appears that you can't see "them" because "them" has other things to do besides watching you guys. Well, looks like I'm done. That will be $1,000 pokos.

President fainted at the sound of money being used in vain. Purple Pikmin grabbed President's wallet while he was unconscious and paid the man, who got back in his ship and sped off.

Olimar: Phew! At least it's not broken! Okay, Today we are going to try to find the rare Pseudoarachnorbs.

Everyone: …

Louie: It means false-Spider balls.

Everyone: …Eww…..

Olimar: Okay, lets go look in that spooky cave over there with the big alien sign over it…Alien Sign!

Red Pikmin: Wow, it's enormous!

Ship: I wonder what it says?

Olimar: I'll try to read it.

He stared at the sign with squinted eyes.

**Caution: Animal Weapons Testing Facility**

Olimar: Hmm……..Nope, can't read it.

Blue Pikmin: Oh well, lets move on.

They entered the cave, which was particularly dark. All of them had different thoughts as they felt their way through the corridor.

Olimar: _…….this place is dark…_

Louie: _……mmm…Gatling groink jowl……_

Purple Pikmin: _(whimper) ……._

President: _Money…where art thou money? Money is the east, the west, heck it's the entire stinking world!…_

Ship: _Meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow…man I love that song…_

As they entered a considerably brighter room they saw four brightly colored bugs roaming aroundOne had a green carapace, one had a gold, one had a brownish-purple, and one had jet black with a strange yellow symbol on it's back that looked like a circle surrounded by three trapezoids

Olimar: Well, this is a good place to start. All of these are members of the flint and Glint bug families. The one with the green carapace is called the Iridescent Flint bug, It is a nocturnal scavenger that feeds on deitris.

Everyone: ……………

Louie: It means it eats stuff that isn't alive.

Everyone: Oh.

Olimar: The Golden one is the only known member of the Glint bug family and is called the Iridescent Glint Bug. It is very rare and has the same behavior as the Flint bugs, which lead to believe this was a Flint bug, until it was discovered that this is actually the larval stage of an even larger creature. What this creature's mature form looks like is unknown. The Dirty looking one is called the Doodlebug, another member of the Flint Bug family. It has the same traits as other Flint Bugs except for the foul odor it emits. Many creatures on the plant use smell as a means of defense, however the Doodlebugs foul odor is really a build up of ammonia and oxides, which means this bug is merely flatuating. The gas it emits is highly hazardous. The Jet black one over there with the yellow symbol is…wait…I don't recall ever seeing this creature before…

Olimar got out his book that contained every known species of the planet and feverishly flipped through it.

Olimar: It's not in here…that means…

President: Oh no…

Olimar: …That…

White Pikmin: Everyone, slowly back away…

Olimar: …We…

Louie: Duck for cover!

Olimar exploded.

Ship: _I wish…_

Olimar: **WE FOUND A NEW SPECIES!** I can't believe it, this is so exciting! We have rights to the finding and discovery of this creature! I wonder what we'll name it…we should take a look at it and discover it's traits first!

Blue Pikmin took out his weapons and slowly started to approach the Bug.

Olimar: Blue Pikmin, put those down! You might scare it away!

Blue Pikmin stared daggers at him and set down his four weapons.

Olimar: Okay.. Now-

Yellow Pikmin: Wait!

Olimar: What?

Yellow Pikmin: I forgot to say something really, really, really important to say to "them"!

Olimar: Can't it wait-

Yellow Pikmin: LET ME SAY IT!

Olimar: …Okay.

Yellow Pikmin ran up in front of the screen.

Yellow Pikmin: Now, since I'm the environmentalist around here, I gotta say something! Make sure to NEVER spray or neuter your pets because one time Louie sent me to a vet as a joke but the Vets didn't know that…

Louie: …I said I was sorry! Jeeze, It's not like you need those to reproduce anyway!

Olimar: Enough! Let's study this thing before it go's away!

He turned around and saw the bug was missing.

Olimar: Where did it go!

Red Pikmin: Don't worry…They're right over there.

Everyone turned and saw that all four bugs were standing in front of the weapons. Everyone stared at them for a few moments until suddenly each bug swallowed one of the weapons in a single gulp.

Louie, Red, Blue, and Purple Pikmin: THEY ATE THE WEAPONS!

The Bugs then dived into the ground and dug off.

Everyone stared at the ground where the bugs were for a moment then everyone rushed into panic.

Olimar: What if I never see that bug again?

Louie: What happens if you see it and see something else and not have WEAPONS!

Ship: What if we run into something that eats metal!

Yellow Pikmin: _I'm a goofy goober, yeah…you're a goofy goober, yeah…_

Purple Pikmin: We're out of chips! AHHHHH!

Red Pikmin: Luke, I am your Father! (mechanic breathing sound)

President: Oh look, a penny. PENNY PWN JOO ALL! W00t!1!1!

Blue Pikmin: Weapons go bye bye….WAAAAA!

White Pikmin: Domo Arigato, mister Robot-o.

However…most of them were just being stupid.

Olimar: Okay, let's not panic.

Ship: Uh, hello? Where were you for last 30 seconds?

Olimar: Thinking about how great and educational this will be!

Louie: If your want educational, how about studying the effects of my fist in your face?

While they were arguing, they heard a loud blast from the adjacent passage.

Purple Pikmin: …I swear, it wasn't me!

White Pikmin: AHHH! Gatling Groink headed our way!

Olimar: How long will it take them to get here?

White: In about….two minutes, plenty of time to run!

Olimar: Nope, We're going to use the minutes to explain about Gatling Groinks.

Blue Pikmin: ARE YOU FROCKING SERIOUS? GATLING GROINKS ARE ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS BEASTS ON THE PLANET!

Olimar: The Gatling Groinks are one of a few species of animals that share a coexistent, symbiotic relationship with machines. Although the Groink itself is very passive, the mounted cannons on it's front fire at enemies automatically, which it has evolved a special windshield on it's front to protect its self from the blasts. It is easy to tell their approach by the strange noises they make when the walk, furthermore-mph!-mph!

Louie had shoved a sock into Olimar's mouth.

Louie: Hey, were did I get a-

Purple Pikmin: Hey, where did my sock go? It's my lucky sock, the one that saved my life once! That's why I wear it every day and never wash it.

Olimar looked like he was about to throw up……and he did.

Yellow Pikmin: Cool!

**Quck, Quck, Quck, Quck…**

Ship: They're coming!

Suddenly, a large, fish like animal with barrel-like lips jumped out and started to fire out at them.

Yellow: What do we do!

Blue Pikmin: We don't have weapons, so I suggest we run!

They all started running as fast as the could, but the Groinks were gaining on them. Suddenly, Olimar fell.

Everyone stopped and gasped. The Groink was upon him, took aim and…

Purple Pikmin: (slow-mo) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO-wait, should I risk my life to save _Olimar_?…oh well, I 'm all ready to late to stop so…..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Purple Pikmin jumped in front of Olimar just as the Groink fired. The blast hit Purple Pikmin's mammoth-like girth……and bounced back! A Look of deep surprise showed on the Gatling Groink's face before it was hit by it's own fiery explosive. It fell with a loud thud.

Louie: Purple Pikmin! You saved Olimar! …….I hate you…

Red Pikmin: Hey look over in that cavern over there!

Everyone looked. In the passage, there was but only a shimmer of light fell from the ceiling to reveal, sleeping on the floor…

Yellow Pikmin: Santa Clause!

Red Pikmin: It's the green bug that swallowed the Monster Pump!

Yellow Pikmin: I knew that.

They all approached the sleeping bug.

Olimar: How do we obtain the Monster Pump without any weapons?

White Pikmin: We need a large inanimate object of no great importance or value to squish this bug and retrieve the Monster Pump.

Everyone looked at Purple Pikmin.

Purple Pikmin: What?

They all grabbed Purple Pikmin and with their combined effort plotted Purple Pikmin on the Flint bug with an audible **squish!** Then the Monster Pump rolled out of the carcass.

Blue Pikmin: My Baby!

He ran over to the Pump.

Blue Pikmin: I promise to never lose you again my sweet!

Red Pikmin: Okay, that's one down and three to go.

They all started to walk out when a shadow appeared above them.

Red Pikmin: Oh no! The sky is falling, the sky is falling!

Ship: No, it's-

The shadow landed to reveal what looked like an enormous four-legged spider that had no head or abdomen, and appeared to be sleeping.

President: What is that thing!

Olimar: This is the Beady-Long-Legs, the most common member of the Pseudoarachnorb family and also the smallest. Not much is known about this creatures anatomy due to the implosion of it's body upon death, although it is known that that it loves to level the ground with its enormous feet, and inside its round body contains a trapdoor where it stores food to be digested.

Blue Pikmin: I'm gonna slap shot this thing with a blast from my Monster Pump!

He pulled the trigger…but nothing happened.

Blue Pikmin: Oh no! It must have been damaged from being inside that bug's gullet! I'll need to repair it when we get back to the ship.

Louie: Okay, as long as we quietly sneak out of the room, I don't think it'll wake up…

Yellow Pikmin: (very loudly and mindlessly) Quietly? Okay! Remember to be quiet everyone, or it'll wake-

**STOMP!**

President: Why doesn't Yellow Pikmin come with a mute button? He could make the megaphone obsolete! …hey, I could really make money off that…

The Creature was up and about, trying to re-level the ground that the bug dug through, while nearly stepping on everyone.

Yellow Pikmin: And just how do you know, mister guy from that screen that keeps writing stuff!

The Beady-Long-Legs heard his voice and- Hey! No further breaking of the fourth wall or you don't get your highly caffeinated energy surge drink!

Everyone: YOU GIVE HIM **_CAFFINE_**?

Yep, but I don't think it affects him in drastically. Anyways, the Creature smashed down with all of it's might on the spot the voice had been seconds ago.

Louie: Everyone run!

They all started running. Beady-Long-Legs was in hot pursuit of them, and just when it was about to stomp all of them into a flat……thing……it tripped over one of its own massive feet. It fell with a sickening thud, and burst into a million tiny pieces.

Blue Pikmin: Awesome! We kicked that things butt!

Olimar: That's and oxymoron.

Blue Pikmin: Hey! I am not a moron covered in oxy!

Olimar: No, an oxymoron is a combination of two different words or phrases that have opposite meanings, like thunderous silence, live ghosts, or honest lawyers.

Red Pikmin: Balloons!

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy and then looked toward he was staring. There was a group of bugs floating around in what looked like……colored balloons?

Olimar: These are Careening Dirigibugs. The only members of the Dirigibug family, they boast a very unusual anatomy, which has led to the belief that these creatures wandered into the ecosystem from another planet. They float on the gas-filled balloons on it's back, the fact that they are colored might be to attract females during mating season, and when threatened can regurgitate highly combustible rocks, which it throws at enemies.

Purple Pikmin: Wow, they sure look weird. I wonder why they are starring at us like that?

Olimar: Most likely because this is mating season, and are probably considering us to be egg thieves in which they will go to any lengths to exterminate us.

They Dirigibugs floated toward them and started to cough up large, cracked stones that looked very explosive.

Louie: Run!

They all started to run while being pelted with large exploding rocks. One of them hit the passage everyone was running to and blocked off the entrance.

President: What are we going to do!

Bomb rocks were exploding left and right, one exploding next to Olimar, leaving his helmet and uniform scorched. Another one landed into the ship's megaphone, it didn't explode but it was still stuck there.

Blue Pikmin: We're getting torched!

Olimar: I have an Idea!

Olimar grabbed Red Pikmin and threw him into one of the Dirigibugs balloons. He hit with his needle nose. The one Balloon popped and the Dirigibug fell to the ground.

Olimar: Goodie for me!

However, a new balloon started to grow out of the Dirigibug and floated up again.

White Pikmin: Just great…

Red Pikmin: Wait! I have an Idea!

Louie: It had better work, unlike Olimar's…

Red Pikmin jumped on top the ships explorer pod and pressed on the horn button. The bomb rock that was lodged into megaphone was shot out by the force of the sound, and hit one of the Dirigibugs that was holding a bomb rock. When it exploded, the Dirigibug was engulfed, causing the bomb rock it was holding to explode as well due to the intense heat of the explosion. The explosion caused by the bomb rock that was held exploded into another Dirigibug that was holding a bomb rock, which in turn exploded into another one, and another one, and another until it created a chain reaction of explosives that engulfed the ceiling of the cave. The enormous explosion cased the rocks that were shutting the passage to open up again. When the smoke cleared, all of the Dirigibugs were dead. Suddenly, a bug popped out of the ground, and it just happened to be one of the bugs that ate the weapons! It scurried out of its hole for a moment, and then it's golden carapace was impaled by a falling stalagmite, killing it, and letting the shock therapist roll in front of the stunned explorers.

Everyone: …

White Pikmin: Red Pikmin! That was amazing! How did you come up with such a devious plan?

Red Pikmin: I didn't, I just wanted to make the horn noise!

He beeped the horn again happily.

Blue Pikmin: My Shock Therapist!

He ran over and picked up the fallen massager.

Blue Pikmin: Now I don't have to worry about the mounting stress in my back anymore!

He pressed the button on the Shock Therapist, but nothing happened.

Blue Pikmin: DARN THAT BUG!

Olimar: Well, since no one was hurt, let's move on!

President: Hey! I bet when we get home, we could re-enact the show for cash!

They walked on until they discovered an odd room filled with strange objects, with what looked like a moat surrounded furnace in the middle floor.

Yellow Pikmin: This place is so cool! Almost as cool that happy place you guys sent me to that one summer! I especially liked those men in the funny white coats.

Louie: This place is pretty impressive, it almost looks like one of those enormous alien weapon ranges we found at that big colorful tent place! Except, you know, not as giant, and it looks far more menacing and serious here.

White Pikmin: …Darn, there's to much metal around for my tunnel vision to work! They seem to be a type of rare metal known as Zirconium (real Element), an extremely hard metal that has an extremely high melting point, is as corrosion resistant as Gold, and has excellent neutron absorption. But how did so much end up here? It's a very rare element…and is never found in pure form in the wild, which it is here.

President: Are they valuable?

Ship: Actually, yes. They are one of the most sought after materials on that planet, and the government would willingly pay $15000 pokos per hotchocian pound of it.

President: YIPEE!

Olimar: Hmm…there sure come in odd shapes, almost like they were brought here for something…

Purple Pikmin: Guys, what's that weird furnace-looking thing in the middle of the room?

Louie: And why is it surrounded by water?

Yellow Pikmin: I'll go yell at it and see what it is!

Everyone: No!

They all grabbed Yellow Pikmin just in time.

Red Pikmin: Phew! That was close, let's celebrate with a horn noise!

He swung up onto the ships explorer pod and pressed the horn. The loud sound echoed through the cave before it finally stopped,

Everyone: …..phew!

As if by a jinx, the furnace looking object started to rise. It revealed its self as a large, gaudy orb on top of four legs, three normal and one mechanical looking.

Louie: What in the name of pikpik carrots is that!

Olimar: Fascinating! It's a Man-at-Legs!

President: Well, at least this thing doesn't have enormous feet, like the last one.

The creatures orb opened up to reveal a giant gun pointing right at them!

President: …Me and my big mouth…

The gun started to fire at everyone, nearly phasing them into a crisp. Olimar faced the screen with everyone else running around, trying to avoid being shot.

Olimar: This is the Man-at-Legs, one of the most fascinating creatures known on the planet. The second largest member of the Psudoarachnorb family, it is a creature that has no natural enemies that could pose a plausible threat to this wandering behemoth. In its life cycle…

Louie: (background) I CANNOT BELIVE YOUR ACTUALLY GIVING THEM A SHOW WHEN WE'RE ABOUT TO GET FRIED!

Olimar: …it starts out with no machinery and instinctively starts dragging pieces of metal into it's chosen nest, which is the nest it will be home to for the rest of it's life, which indicates might go into millions of years. What has puzzled scientists is that this creature can identify the traits of certain metals, and instinctively chooses the strongest, most corrosive-resistant, and most-heat resistant material it can find, in this case, Zirconium. After this, it goes into suspended animation via unknown means. While in this sleep, it starts to go into a critical stage in its maturity and it's body sends out a magnetic pulse which attracts the metal in its surroundings. When its body has collected enough metal, it starts shaping it into the creature you see trying to kill us now.

Yellow Pikmin: Wow! This thing is trying to kill us!

White Pikmin: You just noticed that?

Yellow Pikmin: Yep.

Olimar: When it is done, it awakens spends the next few days getting used to its self. Since the machine makes the food for the creature via the furnace-looking apparatus on its back, it never again has to feed which actually makes this creature an autotroph!

Louie: That means it can make its own food, like plants-oww! Now it's going for me!

Olimar: The Man-at-Legs its self actually has a very peaceful nature…

President: Could have fooled me-oww! That nearly took my head off!

Olimar: …it is actually the machine that shares the hostility in this relationship. It hard to understand how a creature so peaceful would acquire so much fire power, which has led to the belief that machinery approached the Man-at-Legs and started the relation. The gun that the Man-at-Legs uses has been dubed the S.U.D. gun. This is the only Species of psudoarachnorb that does not _Completely_ implode when killed, which makes this the most well known of the psudoarachnorb family.

A shot nearly hit Olimar, which caused him to start running around also. Blue Pikmin dived behind a metal structure, which blocked the incoming fire. As the firefight escalated, a purple bug came out and was shot, letting the Comedy Bomb roll out.

Blue Pikmin: Thank you!

He rolled out and grabbed the Comedy Bomb and pulled the trigger. Unlike the others, however, this one started to fire its chlorine gases at the creature.

Blue Pikmin: Finally! One that works!

Louie: The Faltulance of the that Doodlebug must have kept the Comedy Bomb from losing its ammunition!

The Purple gases (in real life, chlorine gases are bluish-green) engulfed the Man-at-Legs, but seemed to have no affect!

Olimar: The Man-at-Legs has its breathing system dominated by machine, making it immune to poison!

Blue Pikmin: I cannot get a break today!

He pocketed the Comedy Bomb and rolled out of the way of a fresh wave of SUD blasts. Olimar, in desperation, threw Red Pikmin into one of the smoke spouts on the Man-at-Legs. It gave a mighty roar and started to swell up, with the SUD gun starting to fire like crazy. Finally, when the Man-at-Legs looked like it was about to explode…it did just that. It exploded with a loud **BOOM!** that echoed through the cave.

Purple Pikmin: Well, we destroyed that thing, but Red Pikmin is gone…

Blue Pikmin: WAAA!

White Pikmin: WAAA!

Red Pikmin: WAAA! Why are we crying?

Ship: Your alive! How?

Red Pikmin: Easy. At that exact moment a warp hole from the extreme heat of the Man-at-Legs, causing a me to warp into the future three seconds after the creature exploded by the cause of over friction and the butterfly affect creating rapid time-continuum alteration.

Everyone Stared at him, mouth agape.

Red Pikmin: …and I have absolutely no idea what it means…but I do know how we can celebrate our victory!

He jumped up on top of the ships explorer pod and beeped the horn.

Olimar: Hey, what's over there in that cave?

They ran over to the cave and found the final of the four bugs staring at them curiously.

Olimar: IT'S THE BUG!

Blue Pikmin: Hang on, Flame Cannon!

He grabbed Purple Pikmin and chucked it on the bug.

Olimar: NOOOO!

It was squished. At the same time, an enormous explosion erupted from the bugs corpse, that shook the whole cave like a chew toy. An enormous, mushroom-shaped cloud rose form the corpse in an iconic appearance. Everyone started to run for the exit, but were blown away by the huge gales of the blast, going skyward into the cave along with the Flame Cannon.

…

Everyone woke up to find themselves in a single room with no entrances and exits, aside from a geyser shooting from the opposite end of the cave.

Louie: That bug exploded! I don't just mean fall apart…In fact, that explosion reminded me of a reported explosion on the planet that looked exactly like that, that was detonated in 1945, only the blast was far bigger.

Yellow Pikmin: That cloud looked like a mushroom, which made me hungry. Hey Purple Pikmin? If we're trapped in here with no food, can we eat you first?

Purple Pikmin: WHAT?…Sure! Why not.

Olimar: I think we will call that species of bug the Boom-Cloud Flint Beetle, what do you think?

Louie: I think you are the stupidest smart person on I have ever met.

Red Pikmin: Is that another Oxymoron?

Olimar: Actually, yes.

Red Pikmin: No, I mean that thing over there.

They looked and saw a colossal bug with four legs and four mountainous feet, with a low hanging orb-like body.

Olimar: No, that is a Ragging-Long-Legs. It is the largest of the Psudoarachnorb family, with very little known about it. It is the least known of its family, but it is, however, known that it uses its feet to level the ground for some reason and has a very bad temper.

The creature "looked" around and "saw" them. It started to stomp around were everyone was, with everyone else running for their lives while screaming bloody murder.

President: BLOODY MURDER, BLOODY MURDER, BLOODY MURDER!

…Literally

Blue Pikmin: Suck this!

He pulled the trigger of the Flame Cannon, but only expelled a stream of smoke.

Blue Pikmin: THE GODS OF ALL THINGS THAT PWN MOCK ME!

He then pulled the only working weapon, the Comedy Bomb, and pulled the trigger. A purple vapor clouded the creature, but had no affect.

Louie: Why did you do that? It can't be poisoned if it doesn't have a _mouth_!

Blue Pikmin: Yeah? Well…. Your ugly!…

The creature was stomping everywhere, white steam coming out of its "head".

White Pikmin: Guys! There's a weak hanging stalagmite over the Ragging-Long-Legs, if we shook the cave up enough, we could use it to impale the Ragging-Long-Legs!

Red Pikmin: I'm on it!

He jumped up onto the ships explorer pod and beeped the horn. The cave shook, and the stalagmite fell and hit only feet away from the creature… which in this case meant _on _its foot. Creature let out a terrible shriek and ran around frantically, eventually hitting the wall and knocking its self out.

Red Pikmin: (gleefully) I like that horn.

Olimar: Well, that concludes today's journey, wasn't it great everyone?

Louie: Hmm, lets see… Our weapons were eaten by a bunch of bugs, we were chased by a Gatling groink that nearly had us blown up, attacked by a bunch of Careening Dirigibugs that we escaped by only a freak accident, almost trampled by a Beady-Long-Legs, Blasted by a Man-at-Legs, and flattened by a Ragging-Long-Legs, and you expect me think this was all fun?

Olimar: Yep!

Everyone stared at him bleakly.

Olimar: Come on! Why can't you- hey, hey! Why are you-

They tied him up and stepped into the geysers.

Olimar: Umm, you'll be back for me, right guys? Guys? …Guys!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Freakishly long chapter! I hoped you all liked it! Please R&R! Chapter 3 Will be up soon!


	4. Water, Water, Everywhere! Part 1

**Water, Water, Everywhere! Part 1**

The ship touched down on the planet and everyone got out.

Olimar: Why did you guys tie me up and leave me to die? That really hurt my feelings…

Louie: Well why did you come back? That really hurt our sanity!

Purple Pikmin: Come on, Blue Pikmin!

Red Pikmin: What's up?

Purple Pikmin: Blue Pikmin won't come out because he's afraid something might eat his weapons again.

Blue Pikmin: My babies, I swear I'll protect you from any mean old bugs that try to eat you, I swear on my mom's name.

Ship: But you sold your mom so you could buy those weapons.

Blue Pikmin: Silence, non-believer!

Olimar: Okay, I'm not really sure if we're in the right place so, White Pikmin?

White Pikmin: I'm on it!

He scanned the surrounding area with his enormous eyes.

White Pikmin: This place used to be a river. While it ran, it eroded large caves that were once filled with creatures, but, judging by the many scattered twigs, I'm guessing one of those giant flat-tailed rats dammed up the mouth of the river.

He paused and looked at the ground.

White Pikmin: My tunnel vision sees a great deal of amphibious life in the caverns below. When the river stopped flowing, most of the animals here fled to a new body of water. But the caverns were still submerged in water, and were submerged long enough for the creatures to adapt to the new environment. The caverns are still very damp, and many water creatures still reside here.

Olimar: …I don't really care about that. I just want to know if we're in the right area, so are we?

White Pikmin: Oh, yeah, it is.

Olimar: Good! So today, we are going to find and document a rare animal, and an extremely scary one to.

Purple Pikmin: I am not going down there.

Yellow Pikmin: Oh, come on, what's the worst that could happen?

Olimar: There will also be no cookies.

Yellow Pikmin: NOOOO!

Olimar: (seriously) It's an animal that many think does not exist. But! If "them" can see it, that means we will prove it really exists!

Blue Pikmin: What is it?

Olimar: It is the scariest creature to ever come from the water…

Red Pikmin: You mean the President taking a bath?

Olimar: Scarier…

Red Pikmin: Oh, The President's _wife _taking a bath.

The President slapped him.

Red Pikmin: Oww!

Olimar: Alright, here we go.

The entered the cavern.

Just as White Pikmin had predicted, the entire cave was soaked. Pools of water were everywhere.

Purple Pikmin: Whoa…this is supposed to be a _dried up _river?

White Pikmin: Even though the river is dried up, it still rains often in this sector of the planet. Rainwater probably seeps into the ground as groundwater and ends up here.

Just then an orange fish with white stripes and one fin to small flopped out of the water.

Fish: Hey! Hey! Have any of you seen my dad?

Olimar: Whoa! That's weird, a talking salt-water fish in a fresh-water lake.

Blue Pikmin: Let me handle this.

He walked up to the fish.

Blue Pikmin: Yeah, little buddy, I know where your daddy is.

He pulled out the Flame Cannon and turned the fish into fish-sticks. Louie ran over to the late fish.

Louie: (sobbing) No-o-o-o…(paused and takes a bite of fish-stick)…mmmm…(continues to sob) No-o-o-o!

Olimar: Blue Pikmin! Why did you turn that living, talking, bad tasting salt-water fish into a silent, dead, good tasting fish stick!

Blue Pikmin: Blue Pikmin are the natural hunters of fish. Plus, I didn't think anyone would miss him.

Another fish came out of the water.

Fish: My son, Femo! NOOO! I'll have to read this poem I wrote to expresses my sorrow! (clears throat) Roses are-

A Burrowing Snarget came up and ate him, then "dug" away.

Yellow Pikmin: I think this experience has taught us a lesson.

Ship: Oh yeah? And what's that?

Yellow Pikmin: Never read poems to other people or they'll eat you.

Everyone: …

Olimar: Over here in this lake is a Wogpole. These small, harmless algae grazers will soon grow up to be a vicious Wollywog. That eat us.

Blue Pikmin: (getting out Shock Therapist ) Who's up for seconds!

Olimar: Wait! N-

The shock therapist blasted the water and rebounded on the crew.

-----

Louie woke up and looked around.

_Why is everything taller?_

Louie paused and went over to the pool of water. As he was taking a drink he noticed his reflection in the pool of water. And then screamed. Very loudly. He saw Yellow Pikmin staring back.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): WHOA! Everything looks shorter!

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): Yellow Pikmin?

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): OOOH! Are you my evil twin?

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): …Err…no…

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): OOOH! That must mean _I'm_ the evil twin!

Ship (President): Hey! I don't have any legs!

Red Pikmin (Olimar) : Fascinating!

President (Red Pikmin): EWW! I'm fat!

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): Ah! Everything looks so much duller! And…I have weapons?

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): WHAT? MY WEAPONS!

He tackles "Blue Pikmin".

White Pikmin (Ship): Hey! I have legs! And eyes! And a mouth!….sorta….

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Hey! I can talk! And I breath! And I'm higher up the food chain!…but why am I so fat?

Wogpole (Purple Pikmin): _Gasp!…Gasp!…_Someone…put me in the water…

Ship (President): Umm…uh…. Oh-okay! Is this how you do it?…

The ship picked up the "Wogpole" and set in a jar on top of the ships explorer pod.

Wogpole (Purple Pikmin): Ah! Much better!

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): Olimar! Your smart, how did this happen?

Red Pikmin (Olimar): The Shock Therapist was never meant to hit the water at point-blank range. After the electricity hit the Wogpole, it reflected back and hit us. The shock must have swapped our electrolytes, so that's how we got like this.

White Pikmin (Ship): Now, I like having 20/1 vision as much as the next guy, but how do we change back?

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Simple. We shock our selves again.

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): Okay…um…how do you work these things?

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): It won't work. The Shock Therapist got damaged in the shock. I can fix it, but we need a strong source of electrical energy to do it.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): I can help!

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): Who are you?

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): I'm the Wogpole!

President (Red Pikmin): Okay… Why do you want to help us?

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole) : Well, you see…I'm just so curious! You guys are just so weird! I haven't seen anything so weird since that time I saw that enormous bald monkey!

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Enormous Bald monkey? Could you be talking of the Crea-

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Not only that, I've heard legends of something at the bottom of this cave… If I could get proof that it really exists, I'll become a hero!

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Can I get my weapon repaired down there?

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): …

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Well? Can I?

"Purple Pikmin" Turned on him.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): You think I haven't forgotten that your tried to kill me? I don't care that your higher up the food chain than me, nobody tries to kill me! I'm watching you…

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): …Okay, but can I?

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): …Yes yes, there is a place that you can charge your weapons.

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Yay!

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Well, we might as well get on with the tour.

In the puddle next to them, a giant creature rose from it.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Ah! It's a water Dumple. They are a member of the bulbax family, although, because they lay eggs, we can assume that they have only recently evolved. These amphibious diurnal hunters share the same spot as the Blue Pikmin in the food chain, and therefore they are great enemies.

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): …_Twitch…twitch…_ GIVE ME THOSE WEAPONS WHITE PIKMIN!

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): Wha-wha-wah?

"Olimar" started to pull the weapons away from "Blue Pikmin".

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Give me those weapons! I'll blast that poser out of the water! I'll show him who's the _real_ king of the water!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Oh, sillies! Those weapons don't work, I sabotaged them!

Everyone (Everyone): You _**WHAT**_? WHY DID YOU DO THAT!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Well, since I'm an evil twin, I thought I might as well do something evil!

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Yellow Pikmin…I will kill you…

Ship (President): Uh, Ship?

White Pikmin (Ship): Yes, Mr. President?

Ship (President): There's a little sound buzzing in my head. What does that mean?

White Pikmin (Ship): That's the treasure detector.

The "Ship" Perked up.

Ship (President): Treasure? You can detect treasure?

White Pikmin (Ship): Uh…yeah.

Ship (President): Are…are you some kind of god or something?

White Pikmin (Ship): …Sure.

The "Ship" started to bow.

Ship (President): Must worship the god of money- I mean treasure…

As they turned a corner, they saw and enormous sleeping creature that seemed to be on fire.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): This must be the Flaming Bulbax. These colossal creatures excrete a chemical that instantly reacts to oxygen, which is why it has the appearance of being on fire.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): Translated, it means that this thing sweats stuff the burns on fire as soon as it touches air.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Although it usually gets all the energy it needs through the chemical reaction on its skin, it is often fond of eating treasures and generally likes to hang around water to make sure it doesn't overheat.

Ship (President): That's really nice, but how do we get the treasure out of him without getting eaten?

Everyone turned to "Red Pikmin".

President (Red Pikmin): Oh, I am _SO_ glad I'm not me right now.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): What! I'm a man of science. I'm am capable of intelligent thought! I am far to valuable to-

While the Bulbax opened its mouth to snore, everyone threw "Red Pikmin" into the gapping mouth.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Huh. I always imagined that being eaten would be a terrifying experience…OH MY GOSH! I'M GONNA DIE IN HERE!

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Wow! You guys should see all the treasure in here! There's a video game, a broach, a muffin, a computer mouse, the one ring, and a note.

Ship (President): Incoming message! **If you can't get your file on by the email, use the following to help you out.**

**1. Make sure your password was typed right**

**2. Make sure you're using the right password and not some old one**

**3. Use the help network. They have information that helped me out when I couldn't become a member.**

**4. If all else fails, try using another computer.**

**Remember! I will always help people who ask for my help, especially fans!**

**P.S., Anyone who thinks that this is a Rosetta stone is an idiot.**

End message.

President (Red Pikmin): …What?…What the heck does that mean?

Red Pikmin (Olimar): It must be the Rosetta stone! A transcript used to decipher a language! We'll match the message from the e-mail to the letters on the paper and then we'll-

The Flaming Bulbax ate him. He then spat him back out.

Flaming Bulbax: Educational television…yuck…

He walked off.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): …Nobody likes me!…Which means nobody likes Red Pikmin.

President (Red Pikmin): Uh, duh!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Guys? The One ring is talking to me…

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): That's nice…

Everyone started to walk away.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): I told you they wouldn't believe me.

The One Ring: …I see you!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): _Sigh_…that's all he ever says…

He walked off to join the others.

When "Louie" joined the others, they were all staring at a group of large slugs.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): These are Toady Bloysters. Its scientific name, which means "lesser thrust" shows its area in the food chain in comparison to others of its family.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Author's Note!**

From now on, at the end of every chapter, I'll show a list of translated scientific names of each encountered creature. To catch up on previous chapters, I'll show every one encountered so far at the end of this chapter.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They are mostly herbivores, and only attack creatures that attack it. Because of the external gills located on its back, it is classified in the nudibranch sub-family.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): Nudibranchs are basically just sea slugs.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Can I-

Everyone: NO!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Awww…

As the entered the next cavern everyone froze. There was a Man-at-Legs sleeping in the floor.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): It's the Man-at-Legs!

White Pikmin (Ship): You guys call them that to?

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Yeah, they look like a Man-at-Legs, don't they?

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): OH YEAH!

He turned to "Red Pikmin"

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): You owe me 500 pokos!

Red Pikmin (Olimar): What?! What for?

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): Remember when we first saw a Man-at-Legs?

**Flash back**

Olimar: Whoa! Look at that bizarre creature over there.

Louie: Yeah, I wonder what it tastes like…

Yellow Pikmin: It is obviously the manifestation of some higher being merging with the environment around it. No silliness about that.

Blue Pikmin: Oh, I hope we don't have to fight it! I just _hate _violence.

Purple Pikmin: I couldn't eat all of that, Louie! I only eat low carb, low sugar, low sodium, low fat, low cholesterol meals!

Red Pikmin: I can help fight it, cook it, carry it, serve it, and dispose of its remains! I'm just that useful!

White Pikmin: Huh? What thing? I can't see, I have horrible vision!

Olimar: What should we name it?

Louie: We should name it Man-at-Legs.

Olimar: Huh?

Louie shrugged.

Louie: It looks like a Man-at-Legs.

Olimar: That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard!

Louie: Oh yeah? I bet you 500 pokos that someone will come along and tell you the same thing!

Olimar: Your on!

Just then, the Man-at-Legs fired two shots. One hit the ceiling causing four rocks to fall. One hit Yellow Pikmin's head, one hit Blue Pikmin's testosterone gland, one hit Purple Pikmin's stomach, and one hit Red Pikmin's usefulness gland . The other laser hit White Pikmin's eyes.

White Pikmin: I can see!

Purple Pikmin: Must…eat…everything!

Yellow Pikmin: Banana-nana-nana-nana phone!

Blue Pikmin: I will kill you all in a bloody action movie style manner!

Red Pikmin: Hmm? Yeah, you do that while I go over there and not help anyone.

**End Flash Back**

"Red Pikmin" got out his wallet and paid "Yellow Pikmin". Or at least he would have, if the "Ship"

Didn't steal the wallet first.

Ship (President): Money!

Red Pikmin (Olimar): (Shrugs) Oh well, it's Red Pikmin's wallet.

White Pikmin (Ship): Hey, why wasn't I in that flashback!

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Because nobody likes you.

White Pikmin (Ship): ….Stupid word standards….

Wogpole (Purple Pikmin): You know, maybe this would be less confusing if we all act as the person we are.

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Oh, sure…(Clears throat) Oh, I'm smart. Smartest guy in the whole world. Everyone has to treat me nice cause I'm smart. I'm so smart I sleep with my pet dictionary…(pretends to gag).

Red Pikmin (Olimar): How do you know about Harry?!

Everybody gawked at him.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): …I don't have a problem! (Sucks thumb).

They all moved to the next cavern.

In the next cavern, there where large, slimy looking creatures with huge back legs.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Ah! These are Wollypogs. The Yellow one is called a Yellow Wollypog and the white one is simply known as the Wollypog. The Wollypogs, mostly found in caves, has perpetual albinism.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): That means all of them are naturally albino.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): The yellow ones are usually surface dwellers. Both are avid hunters and kill their prey by smashing them.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Hey! It's my parents! (In animal) _Hey mom, hey dad, how are you?_

Wollypog: (In animal) _Hello, offspring, may I eat your friends?_

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): (In Animal) _You can eat the blue one if you want._

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): …Wogpole?…Why are they staring at me in a way that clearly states they want to eat me?…

He chatted with them a few more minutes before turning to the group.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): There's a short cut down to the end of the cave, but it's dangerous. Many large creatures live there. Legend has it, there is a device down there that can translate _any _language. Supposedly it was brought here by a wise and enlightened genius.

……

Boy: Mom! I lost my translator thingy that you gave me to help me cheat my way out of Spanish class because I failed it five times!

……

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Who was that?

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): No idea. Now lets get going.

They walked off.

As they entered the shortcut passage, they saw that the room had a strange looking floor. There were odd object everywhere, like rubber uglys, and was very wide. It seemed to be raining, but that was impossible because they were in a cave. In the center of the room there was a giant creature with flashing eyes.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): The Ranging Bloyser. Another member of the terrestrial nudibranch family-

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): That means land sea-slug family.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): It is the largest of its family and has a innate attraction to shiny flashing items.

Ship (President): WHAT? DID YOU SAY HE EATS SHINY FLASHING OBJECTS? _I'M_ A SHINY FLASHING OBJECT!

President (Red Pikmin): …Yay!

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): NOOOOOOO!…Who'll sign my pay check?

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): We're not getting paid for this.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): WHAT? Yellow Pikmin! You lied to me! You said there were big bucks in this!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Yeah, you see, after I said that, just when you were out of earshot, I whispered "not" in Latin. I also-

He was eaten.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): He ate Yellow Pikmin! Noooo!

"Yellow Pikmin" began to sob.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): I know, Louie. I know your sad about the untimely demise of our energetic friend…

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): (sniff) It's not that…it's just….I am so, _happy_!…

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Quick! White Pikmin! Use your weapons!

"Blue Pikmin" feebly raised its weapons, only to have them eaten by the giant predator.

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): MY _BABIES!!!_

Now without weapons, will they survive they survive from this monstrous menace? Will Yellow Pikmin survive the belly of the beast? Will they ever return back to normal?…I used to know these answers…until I forgot them…

to be continued…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am SOOOOO sorry I was gone for so long! I was grounded all summer and I had to spend forever retrieving this file after my little brother erased it before I could publish it…. The next chapter could take awhile so, stay tuned!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Scientific names**

**Key**

**?Uncertain translation**

**#Roughly translated**

**perfectly translated**

**& Unable to translate**

Dwarf Red Bulborb- "false red coated breadbug"

Red Bulborb- "spotty red coated bulborb"

Hairy Bulborb- "spotty hair coated bublborb"

Orange Bulborb- "spotty orange coated bulborb"

Empress Bulbax- "matriarch bulborb"

Bulborb larvae- "near at hand bulborb"

Spotty Bublbear- "terrible dotted bulborb"

Emperor Bulbax- "supreme bulborb"

Beady-Long-Legs- "armored false spider"

Man-at-Legs- "ship's station false spider"

Ragging -Long-Legs- "furious false spider"

Careening Dirigibug- "the great floating circus"#

Gatiling Groink- "mega caliber explosive"

Irridecent Flint Bettle- "pilled package"

Irridecent Glint Bettle- "gold pill"

Doodlebug- "pilled flatulence"

Waterwraith- "watery man"

Toady Bloyster- "lesser thruster"

Ranging Bloyster: "predatory mollusk"


	5. Water, Water, Everywhere! Part 2

Normally, I would take much longer to come up with a good "know the beasts" chapter, but I got an inspiring review that made me so happy I couldn't _stop _writing. For all my fans who want to thank me for such a speedy chapter, thank Lugifan1!

**Water, Water, Everywhere! Part 2**

The Bloyser closed in on them, with eye's that seemed to pierce their very souls.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): I know! It_ does _feel like my soul is being pierced, don't you agree Mr. President?

Ship (President): No.

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Seriously, I feel like my soul is being stabbed! How could you not feel it?

President (Red Pikmin): (jokingly) Maybe he sold it.

Ship (President): Uh, don't be absurd! I would _never_ sell my soul, my soul is _much _more valuable to me than money!…Sweet, sweet money…

The Bloyster was upon them, mewling and jabbering. It started to swing it's head, ready to shoot it's tongues out. Suddenly, a huge amount of water is poured down on them, nearly washing everyone away. The Ranging Bloyster, however, was simply taken aback. After that, a huge voice was coming from a huge animal directly over them.

Boy: I'm in the bathroom, mom! Now that my two clown fish mysteriously disappeared from my aquarium, I don't need all of this salt-water!

The Ranging Bloyster stiffened at the phrase _salt-water_. It then began to burn and convulse.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Normally, a nudibranch wouldn't be affected by salt-water, since they live in it. But since the Ranging Bloyster is a terrestrial nudibranch, it isn't used to the volatile and dehydrating effects of salt, and so there for will slowly have it's membrane burned away.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): What he means to say is that salt plus slug does not equal good things…for the slug at least.

When the slug was finally melted away, "Louie" stepped out from the gore. At first he was completely silent, which caused great alarm among the group. And then _he _melted away.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): NO!…Great! Now I'm stuck in Yellow Pikmin's body!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): At least you'll be beautiful for the rest of your life!

"Yellow Pikmin" opened his mouth as if to speak, and then wheeled around to "Louie".

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): …You know, normally I would ask what just happened, but in this case I think the answer would probably drive me insane.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Pshaw! If the answer drove people insane, I would be insane, silly! (eye twitch)

Everyone stared at him for another moment and then headed for the entrance to the next cavern at the opposite end of the cave. In this cave, there were holes everywhere-

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Just like Chicago!

-with many crab-like creatures looking out from them.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): These are Hermit Crawmads. These semi-terrestrial lobsters sense the vibrations of other creatures, jumps out at them, and then drag them back to their lair for a painful demise. Much like what he's doing to Wogpole right now.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Help! Help! I have so much to live for!…well not really, but I still want to live!

"Yellow Pikmin" jumped into the air and land on the Crawmad, and then beat it to death.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Thank you so much for saving me dude! I…I'm so touched that you would graphically beat a vicious animal to death for me, and we've only known each for two chapters!…I…I love you, man!

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): (not looking up) Hmm? Oh, no, I didn't do it for you, I did it for the delicious meal I'm gonna turn this baby into!

"Purple Pikmin" was crushed…by his own weight.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Geez, Purple Pikmin! Haven't you ever heard of Liposuction?

Wogpole (Purple Pikmin): President doesn't pay me enough for that! He doesn't even give me enough money to buy food!

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): Then…what do you eat?

Wogpole (Purple Pikmin): Human remains!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Just like Chicago!

President (Red Pikmin): …What's a human?

Wogpole (Purple Pikmin): No idea. Lets go.

As they entered the room, they saw that it was completely empty.

Ship (President): Oh snap. We are about to fight a giant creature.

White Pikmin (Ship): What makes you say that?

Ship (President): Because we're in an empty room in a cave on a hostile planet with lots of scary things.

White Pikmin (Ship): …Oh, yeah.

Just then, a giant lobster fell from the ceiling. It fell with a crash and roared, expecting the intruders to panic. They were unimpressed….except one that looked…well, hungry.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): The Segmented Crawbster, a behemoth crab that enjoys smashing things to death…and is known for their absolutely delicious claws! He looks so…beautiful!

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Hey! You stole what I was going to say!…Except the beautiful part, that was kinda weird…

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): You know, I wonder what's up there…

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): What do you mean?

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): These giant creatures always fall from the ceiling, but I can't seem to get how they get up there…

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): You use the Socratic method of questioning to much. My way is _much _less of a headache.

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): Oh? Okay, genius, what would that be.

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): The Alexandrian solution, which is using violence to solve your problems!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Oooh! I gotta say something!

He turned to the screen.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): The Segmented Crawbster is a misunderstood animal that is completely harmless!…Except for the whole rolling over stuff and squishing them thing. These creatures are being mercilessly hunted to extinction for their claw, by people like Louie!

"Yellow Pikmin" was happily chewing on said claw, breaking all of his teeth in the process.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): We must save these creatures from extinction! So, I propose, for the good of the creature, we kill Louie!

"Yellow Pikmin" stopped chewing.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): …Are you kidding me? Just because I want to graphically beat this creature to death and then decapitate him for the chance to roast his claw, and the fact that I will destroy anybody who stands in my way, you want to kill me?

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Oh, not for that reason, silly! Ever since the last chapter, when I found out that I was your evil twin, I thought it would be my sworn duty to be the cause of your demise!

Segmented Crawbster: I say, you all seem to be an odd bunch.

Everyone stared, and then screamed, and then stopped, and then screamed again, and then threw up, and the screamed some more.

Segmented Crawbster: I must say, was that really necessary?

Everyone: Yes.

"Purple Pikmin" seemed excited.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Ah, ha! This is proof of the existence of the universal translator!

Segmented Crawbster: That is correct, my good man. I am the guardian of the device. This sacred device was brought here by a wise and enlightened genius.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Unlike Chicago!

…

Boy: Mom! I just saw little people in my shower!

Mom: That's fine, hon, just as long as you didn't pour all that salt water on that slug in your shower. It cost me all of your tutoring money.

…

Segmented Crawbster: Now, normally I would allow all of you to use this device for your needs, but I have decided that I do not like you all.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): How could you not like us? We're so friendly and happy and cute and awesome and sexy! Chicks dig us!

Segmented Crawbster: That may be, but this friend of your is starting to chew through the armor on my claw.

"Yellow Pikmin" was still chewing on the claw, and the armor around it was starting to crack.

Segmented Crawbster: And since I can't allow you to pass, I'll just have to squish you.

The Crawbster balled up, and started to roll around the room, chasing everyone except "White Pikmin".

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): Ship! You've got to help us!

White Pikmin (Ship): …How? Out of all of us, I'm in the possession of the scrawniest body.

Blue Pikmin (White Pikmin): You have to use your tunnel vision! Find it's weak spot! Then you can- SCRAWNY? You dirty son of a b-

He was rolled on, and was stuck to the Crawbsters rolling body like a plastic bag stuck to a Goodyear tire. "White Pikmin" then focused in, and used his tunnel vision. He saw everything. He saw the enlightened genius two caverns away. He saw the sun was at mid-day above ground. He saw that "Olimar" was wearing pink under- where, and had to admit it looked good on him. Then he saw a small, pink spot at the center of the rolling beast.

White Pikmin (Ship): You guys! You guys! I've seen it! The weak spot is at the stomach! Oh, and nice under-where Olimar.

Red Pikmin (Olimar): Thanks. They're actually my wife's, but they looked so beautiful I had to wear them! They make me feel pretty…

Olimar (Blue Pikmin): Yellow Pikmin sabotaged the weapons, so we need to use the next best thing! Something heavy, ugly, and just plain unlucky to be born.

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Sally Struthers?

"Olimar" shook his head and motioned everyone toward "Purple Pikmin". They all picked up "Purple Pikmin" and then threw him just as the Crawbster revealed his soft underbelly. It hit, but bounced off.

Segmented Crawbster: Sorry, old beans, but it will take more than an obese plant to stop me.

He was about to roll up into a ball again when there was a sickening crack. The Crawbster looked at his claw to see that it had been chewed off by "Yellow Pikmin". After this, "Yellow Pikmin" dove for the pink under-belly and ate right through it, causing the creature to explode.

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): Man, I can't wait to cook this claw up!

Louie (Yellow Pikmin): Poor, poor misunderstood creature. We will miss you Segmented Crawbster… wait, what were we doing?

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): We were going to retrieve the universal translator! It's gotta be in the next cavern! Let's go!

They all head into the next cavern. There were no creatures in this cavern, but there was a giant machine, a strange orifice that seemed to spark electricity, a giant alien sign in an unknown language, and a giant statue in the middle of the room.

Purple Pikmin (Wogpole): Here it is…I've spent my entire life looking for this device…It is said that one only has to stand under the scanner and push the button, and that creature will know all languages in existence….both animal and hotchocian…

Yellow Pikmin (Louie): Yeah, but first things first, I want to be in my own body.

"Blue Pikmin" handed the weapons to "Olimar". "Olimar" approached the giant electrical orifice and, with a series of quick hand movements, repaired the Shock Therapist. He then turned around, and pulled the trigger. The lightning engulfed everyone, and when the dust settled, everyone was back in their bodies again.

President: I have legs again!

Ship: And I don't!

White Pikmin: Ah, my incredible vision has been returned to me.

Red Pikmin: I got my old body back!…Anyone want to trade bodies with me? Hmm? Hmm? Aww, come on!

Blue Pikmin: My weapons have been returned to me! (nuzzles weapons). Oh…my babies…

Olimar: Now I won't have to be thrown in to a horrible beast's mouth again!

Louie: …Yeah, don't count on that.

Yellow Pikmin: I'm beautiful again! Unlike Chicago!

Purple Pikmin: I can breath again!

Wogpole: And I can't! Okay, now lets….Lets…

He looked over at the towering machine, and saw that it was smoking. It had been shocked by the Shock Therapist along with everyone else.

White Pikmin: Wow, sorry Wogpole.

Wogepole looked depressed. Olimar took a step forward and studied the machine.

Olimar: It's not completely broken. I think it will be able to work one last time.

Wogpole perked up at this. The ship took the bottle containing Wogpole off of the explorer pod and put it on the scanner. The machine activated, making Wogpole glow bright yellow before the machine broke, never to be used again.

Purple Pikmin: Well? How do you feel?

Wogpole smiled and then spoke in some strange language. After a few moments of confused looks from the others, he spoke hotchocian again.

Wogpole: It worked! I have achieved my life's dream, and now…now I want to see the world! To use my talent for people the world over! To be able to be able comunicate with creatures that don't live in this confined cavern! But...I'm a fish... I can't travel out of this cave...

Louie: You can come with us! We could use someone who can speak any language.

Wogpole: Really? Okay!

Olimar: Okay then! Wogpole, you are now a part of our crew.

The Ship picked up the bottle containing Wogpole and once again placed it on the explorer pod.

White Pikmin: Hey, now that you can speak any language, can you read what that strange writing on the wall means?

Wogpole: Of course. It says " He who disturbs the machine of wise tongue, thus face the wrath of the Mamuta…Also, you are all losers!", and that's all.

Yellow Pikmin: I know what a Mamuta is! It's those weird things that eat weird things that grow on weird things…weirdly…

Red Pikmin: Whoa…that's so…weird…

Louie: No it isn't. It's just Yellow Pikmin's usual answer to something he doesn't know.

Red Pikmin: Oh, no, not that. I mean that it's weird that I never noticed that statue that's holding that giant rock was alive.

They wheeled around to see a non-symmetric creature holding a giant rock lumbering toward them.

Olimar: A Mamuta. Information on these creatures are sketchy at best. These behemoth creatures have a silica composition in there skin, giving them the appearance of being made of stone. These creatures have evolved in the knowledge of agriculture-

Louie: Meaning that they learned how to farm.

Olimar: -a trait that only highly advanced creatures know how to do. They often do this to Pikmin, allowing there leaf-bud appendages to grow into flowers with astonishing speed. They have no scientific name, but are often refered to as "the great protector", or "God of all Pikmin" by wild Pikmin tribes, and is loosely used as it's scientific names. If I could give them a scientific name, I would have named them _Litho Sapiens_, translated as "Stone Man".

Purple Pikmin: Well, then we have nothing to worry about! After all, it's called "god of all pikmin" so I don't think it will hurt us Pik-

He was crushed by the rock.

Mamuta: You break machine! Now I no way able to fix! I crush you all for breaking it!

Blue Pikmin: Oh yeah? Well, "I like see you do after you get shocked"!

He pulled out the Shock Therapist and fired. The Mamuta was engulfed by electricity, but didn't seem to be effected by it.

Olimar: Mamutas have Silicon in there skin. Silicon, being a metalloid, is a poor conductor of electricity.

Blue Pikmin: WHY?! WHY DO MY WEAPONS NEVER KILL?!

Red Pikmin: Louie, quick! Go crazy and kill it!

Louie: Hmm, no. I'm the strait man in the group. I only go crazy if I see something that can be made in to a rare cuisine, and Mamuta are inedible.

Yellow Pikmin: …Oh my goodness! That statue is trying to kill us!

Louie: I will kill anybody who asks if he just realized that…

Red Pikmin: ...You just realized that?

Louie jumped on him and started to try to pull his leafy appendage off.

The Mamuta was upon them and brought down its two enormous arms and smashed the ground they were standing on moments ago. Luckily, they did what they did best. They ran for their lives.

Mamuta: Come back, funny men! I smash!

Olimar: Mamuta, since they grow all their own food, have discarded traits of physical fitness. We should easily be able to out run it! We just need to keep running!

Louie: No, we need a decoy!

Louie grabbed Red Pikmin and threw him at the Mamuta that was charging after them. The Mamuta caught him in midair and slammed him into the ground.

Yellow Pikmin: Oooh, that looks like fun!

He threw himself at the Mamuta, who buried him as well.

Louie: Well, at least we know the Mamuta isn't _all _bad!

They continued running around the room

White Pikmin: Olimar, are you absolutely sure that we can't beat this thing with electricity?

Olimar, who was starting to pant, looked over.

Olimar: Well, it could be possible, but we would need a _huge _amount of electricity to pull it off. Why?

White Pikmin didn't answer. He vered off course from the rest of the crew, and ran off in a separate direction. The Mamuta, confused for a moment, followed White Pikmin. White Pikmin suddenly stopped and faced the oncoming Mamuta.

White Pikmin: Come on! Come and get me, you, you…rock…thing!

Blue Pikmin snorted.

Blue Pikmin: Nice street cred, genius.

The Mamuta charged at full speed at White Pikmin. When it was almost upon him, White Pikmin leaped out of the way. The Mamuta, unable stop, ran head first into the Electircal orifice that was directly behind where White Pikmin was standing moments before. The Mamuta was blasted by electricity, and then disintegrated. Everyone stopped running and, after they caught their breath, walked over to White Pikmin.

Louie: Nice plan, White Pikmin.

White Pikmin: Thanks, but we better pluck Red and Yellow Pikmin.

Olimar walked over to where Yellow Pikmin was buried, but couldn't seem to pull him up.

Purple Pikmin: Oh no! They must really be dead!

At that moment, Yellow Pikmin emerged from the ground.

Louie: AHH! A zombie!

Yellow Pikmin: No, sillies! It's me, Yellow Pikmin!

Louie: …AHH! Even worse!

Red Pikmin also pulled himself out of the ground and dusted himself off.

Red Pikmin: Say, does this flower make me look pretty?

Yellow Pikmin: It sure does!

Red Pikmin: Yay!

They all stared for a moment, and entered the final cavern. The room was a huge, maze-like sturcture that was connected to a large, circular area at the other side of the room.

Olimar: Well, I'm stumped. We've been through dozens of rooms and still haven't seen any sign of the creature we came down here to see!

Wogpole: There have been legends about a terrible monster at the end of the cavern, but it's still only a legend.

Purple Pikmin: Well, I say we head for the gyser as quickly as possible for our bad luck catches up on us.

Red Pikmin: I second it.

President: Third it.

As the three where about to run for the gyser, a horrible moan echoed through the caven followed by a series of loud thuds.

Yellow Pikmin: You here that? It's the mating call of Bigfoot! Quick, get a camera!

The other Crew members stood back to back, looking all around the cavern.

Suddenly, they heard a rolling sound followed by a series of moans that made them all stiffen.

Yellow Pikmin: It's Bigfoot! He has come to bless us and teach us how to fight the aliens!

**WROOOOOooooo…..WROOOOOOOoooo….**

Out of one of the passages, a huge creature that was made of some strange liquid was rolling at high speed towards them on a pair of stone rollers. All of the crewmembers (except Yellow Pikmin) screamed and ran for there lives.

Yellow Pikmin: Bigfoot! We are here to give offerings and learn the secrets of how to defeat the aliens! We-

He was caught up in the wheels and was stuck like a plastic bag caught on a Goodyear tire…again.

Yellow Pikmin: Just like Chicago!

As the crewmembers continued to run, Olimar turned his head to the screen.

Olimar: The Waterwraith is only found in extremely dark, damp places. It is extremely sensitive to emotion, especially fear and distress. The creature is at its most likely to appear when these emotions are present. Any body who views a Waterwraith is overcome by complete and total terror. Because of this, the details on this creature are so sketchy that is a common belief that's these creatures are mearly fear-induced mirages.

Red Pikmin: Hey, if these things are mirages, why are we running?

He stopped running, only to be run over by the creature, stuck to the wheels like a plastic bag to a Goodyear tire.

Red Pikmin: That metaphore is _seriously _getting annoying!

To bad! Anyway, the others realized, to their dawning horror, that the specter was gaining.

Olimar: A widely agreed theory is that this creature's true form is anchored in another dimension, explaining it's seemingly ghost-like appearance. However, in order to be anchored in this dimension, it places a physical anchor in a safe place, usually at the most inaccessable region it can find, like the bottom floor of a cave. Once the physical anchor is safe, it creates a "shadow" of it's self to freely and safely terrorize all who enter its lair, even if it's prey is not in the same location of the physical anchor. It's diet is unknown, but it may in fact feed off of negative emotions, explaining it's tendancy to try to terrify anything it comes across. This does not mean, however, that it would give up the chance to crush anything that is unfortunate enough to meet one with their stone rollers. It is unknown how, when, or where in their lives that these creatures acquire these rollers. Virtually nothing is known about the early development or gender differences between these creatures. Of all of the creatures found on this planet, the Waterwraith is without a doubt the least understood, with most of it's biology based on mere theory.

Louie: That's really interesting, Olimar. Your facts have inspired my view on all life of this planet. Now if you don't mind, _**SKIP TO THE PART ABOUT HOW TO STOP THEM**_!

Olimar: …Meanie…

The Waterwraith was almost on top of them, so close that they could hear it's haggard breathing.

Olimar: Waterwraiths are compelely indestructible.Only their physical anchor is vulnerable, and even they are extremely resilient. An interesting notice has been taken that the cratures physical anchor has a great dislike of purple things. The theory behind this is that the wavelength that the color purple is on has the property to pierce the physical anchor and damage the creature's true form in another diemention.

Louie, who was the only one who understood what Olimar said and was to terrified of the oncoming apparition to explain what he said to the others, instinctively reached for the groups emergency weapon, Purple Pikmin. Purple Pikmin, however, knowing what would happen if Louie grabbed him, dogged his grabs as if his very life depended on it.

Louie: Hold still, Purple Pikmin!

Purple Pikmin: No way, man! I'm not going to be some biological grenade to be thrown at some ghost! Wogpole, talk to it!

Louie and Purple looked up at Wogpole, only to see that he had fainted from terror in his bottle on top of the ship's explorer pod. Seeing this, Louie continued trying to grab at Purple Pikmin, who continued to evade his grasp. Blue Pikmin, only now just remembering that he had the Shock Therapist in his pocket, pulled it out and fired it over his sholder. The sparks cackled on the creatures watery skin, and then disapated, not leaving a single sign of damage on it. The creature, enraged by this display of retailation, charged as fast as it could go at the crew. As the crew to another turn through a passage, they came across a dead end. Everyone stopped themselves from running head-long into the opposite wall. Louie, seizing the opportunity, finnaly manage to grab onto Purple Pikmin's leafy appendage. With all of his strength, the bug chef threw the obese plant at the Waterwraith. Purple Pikmin connected, and then bounced off to where he had been standing before Louie grabbed him. The creature howled and turned purple, crouching in a fetal position of pain. Louie continualy threw Purple Pikmin at the creature, with Purple Pikmin bouncing back to Louie's outstretched hand, only to be thrown again. Louie gave on last heave, throwing Purple Pikmin with all of his might at the creature. The creature gave one last roar, and then burst into a flurry of watery puddles. After a few minutes wait, after their bodies purged themselves of excess adreniline, they walked over to Red and Yellow Pikmin, and pulled their flattened bodies off of the two stone wheels.

Yellow Pikmin: Wow, that was pretty special, huh? You guys looked so funny, running away from Bigfoot and screaming!

Everyone had to dive on Louie and Blue Pikmin to stop them from killing Yellow Pikmin.

Olimar: Well guys, we had an out of body experience, I nearly got eaten by a Flaming Bulbax, we founded a machine that was thought only to be in lore, we acquired a new crewmate, decapitated a giant lobster, and proved the existence of a terrifying ghost. Now, aren't you all glad we came?

They all stared blankley at him and then walked towards the gyser, except Blue Pikmin who took this opportunity to blast Olimar with the Shock Therapist. He then grabbed Olimar's unconscious body, and dragged him to the gyser.

…

Back at the surface, everyone was anticipating a nice, long rest in the ship's main body.

Red Pikmin: If I don't wake up tomorrow, it's probably because I died in my sleep from exaustion.

Wogpole: Where do I sleep?

Ship: You can sleep in the water tank inside the ship.

As the ship's explorer pod connected with the rest of it's chassi, everyone started climb on board. Before they could get into the ship, however, it suddenly took off without them. As the ship veered around to glance them, everyone saw who was Piloting the ship.

Femo: Ah, ha! Revenge! We have taken your ship, pathetic air breathers, and now you will be trapped here on this planet!

Narlin: That's right my son! Say, did you remember to fill the cockpits with water like I told you?

The smaller fish stiffened and both fish started to suffocate as the Ship sailed off into the sky.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, what a chapter! I didn't plan on making the Wogpole a permanent character, but I realized I just couldn't part with him, and the fact that he can speak every language was the perfect excuse for him to stay in the crew. Wogpole (being a fish) will be traveling in a jar placed on a hovering device in future chapters, so don't be confused when I say that Wogpole "ran" or "floated" somewhere. Anyways, I hope that I get some reviews some reviews for this chapter, other wise It might be awhile before I post the next chapter. So remember, please review!


	6. Pointless Pikmin Plant Pains Part 1

Wogpole is a new crewmember. He will be positioned on top of the ships explorer pod in a jar until I think of a better mode of transportation from him. I was disappointed by the number of reviews I got, but to those who did review, this chapter is to commemorate you! Get ready for a Looooooooong chapter!

**Pointless Pikmin Plant Pains -Part 1**

The ship touched down on the planet and everyone came out.

Red Pikmin: Man, it's a good thing the ship crashed down after those fish stole it.

Ship: What's so good about it? My main chassis is all dented up now…

Purple Pikmin then left the ship, looking even fatter than ever.

Purple Pikmin: Oh man, Louie. That was perhaps the best meal I have ever had in my entire life.

Louie: Yep. I told you Segmented Crabster claw is food of the gods.

Yellow Pikmin was dragged out by Blue Pikmin. He was twitching and foaming at the mouth.

Louie: See, now, I told Yellow Pikmin not to drink the fluid sample we got from the Waterwraith! I told him, "Yellow Pikmin, that stuff can only do bad things to you", that's what I told him.

White Pikmin furrowed his brow.

White Pikmin: No you didn't. You encouraged him and said that it would be the best thing he would ever drink.

Louie: Yeah…well….shut up!

White Pikmin rolled his eyes.

White Pikmin: Nice comeback, Einstein. You know, your starting to slowly become as random and pointless as we are! So much for "Mr. Strait man".

Louie scowled. Meanwhile, on top of the ships explorer pod, Wogpole, who joined the group only yesterday, emerged from a deep sleep.

Wogpole: Wow! This new bowl you guys got me is _much _more comfortable than that jar I was in yesterday!

President: It better be! After all the money I spent on it…

Purple Pikmin: But, the guy you bought it from gave it to you for only 5 pokos…

President: So?

Purple Pikmin: So, that's more than you pay us for a yearly wage.

Olimar, who was the last one to leave the ship, came out looking noticeably younger looking, and his back didn't hunch like it normally did.

Blue Pikmin: Whoa. What happened?

Olimar: When you shocked me with the shock therapist yesterday, it's healing electricity zapped all the toxins in my body! Man, I feel 40 again!

Everyone stared at him.

Olimar: …What?

Red Pikmin: How old _are _you?

Olimar: Well, that's personal. Anyway, today we are going to brush up are knowledge on botanetical taxonomy.

Louie: He means what we know about plants.

Purple Pikmin: Oh, thank goodness! No spiders with giant feet, no giant tongued bugs, and definitely no scary ghosty thingies. Just some nice, safe plants…

Blue Pikmin sobbed

Blue Pikmin: Are you telling me I just spent all night repairing my weapons just to have them used on a bunch of harmless plants? Life is not fair!

Everyone headed toward the cave and entered.

Louie: So, Olimar, are we looking for anything in particular?

Olimar: Actually yes. We are looking for wild Pikmin tribes.

All the Pikmin gulped.

Ship: Why are you guys so nervous? If I recall correctly, you all once belonged to wild Pikmin tribes. You should fit in perfectly!

Louie came to a realization.

Louie: Come to think of it, you all came from tribes that live right in this sector of the planet!

Red Pikmin: Yeah, but we sorta abandoned our tribes to join you guys.

Blue Pikmin: Pikmin tribes _hate _having members leave them.

White Pikmin: I don't think our tribes would be very happy to see us.

Purple Pikmin: Yeah, I used to have a friend in my tribe that left and came back…

Wogpole: What happened to him?

Purple Pikmin: They did the worst thing possible… They offered him to the Onion.

The other Pikmin gasped.

Louie: …What the heck is _that _supposed to mean?

Blue Pikmin: …They put him into the Onion, and then he's turned into seeds!

Olimar: Whoa, primitive Pikmin religious sacrifice, we simply _must _see that!

Louie: Wait, wait, wait. Onion? Purple Pikmin, your species don't even _come _from Onions!

Purple Pikmin: Yes, we do, we just hide it really well.

Louie: Well, you could have told us that when we were running around trying to pay off our company's debt! All the hours we spent trying to find those stupid flowers…

White Pikmin: Don't you remember, Louie? We didn't know how to talk back then!

Yellow Pikmin: I don't know why everyone is so worried. Everyone in my tribe _loves _each other! And everyone is beautiful just like me!

Everyone ignored him and entered, the exit? They all stepped outside to find themselves in a strange, above ground location.

Olimar: Ah, here we are.

Louie: Okay…why aren't we in a cave?

Olimar: Because caves rarely have the diversity of flora that the above ground has. I discovered this area while we were trying to make up our company's debt. This place is wedged between the Valley of Repose, the Wistful Wild, the Perplexing Pool, and the Awakening Wood. Because of this, it contains wildlife from all four regions, including the Pikmin tribes that Red, Blue, Yellow, Purple, and White Pikmin came from.

Red Pikmin: Hey, that's not true! My tribe is from the Valley of Repose.

Purple Pikmin: Mine too!

Blue Pikmin: My tribe is from the Awakening Woods.

White Pikmin: So is mine.

Yellow Pikmin: And my super handsome and intelligent tribe is from the Perplexing Pool! Yay!

Olimar wagged a finger.

Olimar: They may have _originally _been from those places, but when we where paying off our dept, we killed so many creatures in those areas that your tribe's had nothing to eat. So, in search of prey, they all, by some twist of fate, settled down in this large region.You see, I have been tracking all of your tribes for the sake of science, so we will definitely run into them while we're here.

All the Pikmin groaned.

Olimar: In the mean time, let's take a look at the other plant species here, besides the Pikmin.

He walked over to many of the surrounding plants and started to explain about them. Normally, the gang would listen to Olimar (since they rarely had anything else to do), but the Pikmin where too restless.

Olimar: …and these final plants right here are Chrysanthemums. Alright! Let's move on.

As they turned their backs to walk away. Yellow Pikmin's voice called out.

Yellow Pikmin: Ooh! This flower is starring at me!

President: That's nice, Yellow Pikmin.

Yellow Pikmin: Oh, and it moves too!

President: What ever, Yellow Pikmin.

Yellow Pikmin: Oh, and it has teeth also.

President: Okay, Yellow Pikmin.

Yellow Pikmin: It just ate Red Pikmin.

President: Look, Yellow Pikmin, nothing about that plant will ever interest me!

Yellow Pikmin: It just found a penny.

President: A PENNY!

President spun around and dived at the penny, snatching it before the giant flower grabbed it. The plant roared, coughing out Red Pikmin in the process.

Olimar: This is a Creeping Chrysanthemum. These mobile plants are avid predators, and is capable of eating almost any known animal on the planet. They are sit and wait predators, disguising themselves as flowers before they pounce on them.

The plant roared and veered down on them. Blue Pikmin immediately pulled out the Flare Cannon and sent a jet of flames at the flower. The plant's leaves were singed, but not set ablaze. It gave out a mighty roar and swatted Blue Pikmin into the trunk of a tree.

Blue Pikmin: Wogpole! Talk to it!

Wogpole started to talk in a series or grunts and roars, making the plant stop and stare at the young amphibian. Wopole continued to talk in this manner, which seemed to sooth the creature further. When he stopped talking, the creature seemed to be completely relaxed.

Yellow Pikmin: Okay, now!

Yellow Pikmin jumped on the creature and started to beat it with his leafy appendage. The creature roared and threw Yellow Pikmin into a nearby bush.

Purple Pikmin: _Yellow Pikmin! What are you doing?_

Yellow Pikmin: I'm attacking the creepy thing, just like we planned!

Red Pikmin: …Oh, yeah!

Then _he _jumped on the creature and started to attack, and was also thrown into a nearby bush.

Red Pikmin: Why didn't the plan work?

Louie: BECAUSE WE DIDN'T MAKE A PLAN, YOU DOLTS!

Yellow Pikmin: …Are you sure? Cause I'm pretty sure that you told me to attack the creature.

Wogpole started talking to the plant again in the same strange dialect, but the creature was to upset to listen. It soon had them all trapped between two trees, and was about to deliver the final blow. Suddenly, there was a mewling cry. A swarm of Red Pikmin started to engulfed the creature, beating it with their appendages. The creature, unable to take anymore, blew up. The Red Pikmin swarm, not wasting anytime, quickly picked up what used to be the head of the creature, not giving the crew any notice, and then started to drag it away. The crew quickly followed the group of Pikmin through the dense foliage. Soon, they found themselves in a place that had hundreds of fire siphons sticking out of the ground. Flames occasionally shot out of them, once even engulfing the Pikmin tribe, but to no effect. Finally, they reached a place surrounded by lava and flames. In the center, was a large red Onion. The Pikmin tribe placed the severed Creeping Chrysanthemum head under the Onion, which beamed it up and spat out a large number of seeds. From behind the rock they were hiding behind, Olimar began to speak.

Olimar: These are Red Pikmin, named after the Pik-Pik carrots that they resemble so much. Being the first Pikmin species to ever be discovered, the Red Pikmin are also the most widespread species, living in many environment, but prefer to be live near fire siphons. Despite being predatory, Red Pikmin, like most Pikmin species, do not hunt only to eat their prey, but give them as nutrients to the group's Onion as well, which provide shelter and a way to reproduce. Red Pikmin again, like most Pikmin species, live in packs, and, when numerous enough, are capable of attacking and killing any species of animal and plant on the entire planet. Red Pikmin are unique among Pikmin in having a nose. Why they have a nose ties into their other unique ability, their resistance to fire and heat. The nose of the Red Pikmin are used to filter to heat from there bodies, and when near fire, their noses can reach up to 500 degrees. Red Pikmin are also noted for amazing fighting abilities, which is necessity to fight their common prey, Red Bulborbs.

Red Pikmin: You know, it's really weird to hear your self being talked about.

White Pikmin: Hey, Red Pikmin, can you understand what they're saying?

Red Pikmin: Yeah.

Wogpole: Me too. But too many are talking at the same time to allow me to translate.

Ship: Hey, I have a Pikmin translator. I'll activate it.

There was a click, and suddenly the group could hear what they were saying.

Wild Red Pikmin 1: Nice haul, don't you think? These new seeds will be excellent help for future hunting!

Wild Red Pikmin 2: Yes. Say, did you see those weird things that the Chrysanthemum was about to eat?

Wild Red Pikmin 1: Yeah. Weird looking things, huh? They had some Pikmin with them.

Wild Red Pikmin 2: Yeah, I saw that too. One of them was a Red Pikmin. Looked kinda familiar.

Wild Red Pikmin 1: Yeah, I thought so too. In fact, he almost looked like- hey, intruders!

The Pikmin spotted the crew and suddenly the group found themselves surrounded by Pikmin. One stepped out from the crowd and looked the crew over. His eyes rested on Red Pikmin, and his eyes narrowed.

Wild Red Pikmin 3: Well, well, well. What are you doing here…

Red Pikmin looked confused for a moment at the Pikmin, and then realized who he was.

Red Pikmin: Look, Damion, we just want to come through. We don't want any trouble.

The Wild Pikmin shook his head.

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): You have a lot of nerve. Coming back here when you and those other four split up from the rest of the group, and taking an Onion with you! So…what happened to them.

Red Pikmin looked to the ground.

Red Pikmin: They were eaten not long after I joined this crew here.

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): Well, Jason, I hope you understand that it would have never happened if you had just stayed with the group. After all, _you _were the one who proposed that you and the others split up.

Red Pikmin: We were running out of food, Damion. I thought we would starve. _I did what I thought was right!_

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): It's just a good thing only four decided to followed you. Just after you left, we found a new food stock. We were eating like kings. You could have stayed with us through the hard times. You could have done what the Original Tribe would have wanted. But instead, you left to do what you thought "was right".

Louie looked from Red Pikmin to the Pikmin called "Damion"

Louie: Jason?

Red Pikmin: That was my name in the tribe. I abandoned it when I joined you guys.

Olimar: This is fantastic! Pikmin family mechanics!

Yellow Pikmin: Shh, Olimar! This is better than my soaps.

Purple Pikmin: You don't watch soaps.

The Wild Red Pikmin grew restless when Red Pikmin's name was said. They whispered to each other.

Wild Red Pikmin 4: Jason? Is it true?

Wild Red Pikmin 2: That's what Damion says, but…

Wild Red Pikmin 5: I can't believe it. Could it really be?

White Pikmin looked around at the crowd of Wild Piks.

White Pikmin: Wow, they sure are making a big deal out of you, Red Pikmin.

The Pikmin named Damion chuckled and started to pace back and forth in front of the crowd.

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): As they should. After all, Jason was one of our tribe's leaders. Before he turned his back on the tribe, he was one of the most hard-working, intelligent, and above all, one of the most respected members in the tribe.

The Pikmin stopped pacing and glared at Red Pikmin.

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): …And also my best friend.

Louie: …Respected? Intelligent? _Hard-working?_ You must have the wrong guy. _Our _Red Pikmin is lazy, treated like garbage, and is everything _but _intelligent.

Red Pikmin just stared fixedly at Damion. Damion started to look around at the other crew members.

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): I have to say, Jason. You chose a pretty sorry looking group to hang out with.

The rest of the group snapped out of their shocked state and glared at the tribe.

Red Pikmin: I told you, Damion, I'm not Jason anymore. I'm just Red Pikmin.

The Pikmin named Damion ignored his friends comment and fixed his eyes on Olimar.

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): Is he why you joined the group, Jason? Because you think he's the "great one"?

Olimar looked questionably at the Pikmin.

Olimar: The great one? Well, I am pretty great…

Red Pikmin: The great one was a rumor circulating about a 33 days before I met Louie and Olimar. He supposedly crash-landed on the planet and, with the help of some Pikmin, repaired his ship and flew off. And yes, Damion, that is why I joined him.

Damion raised an eyebrow and muttered to one of the other wild Pikmin.

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): Naturally, Jason, you know I can't let you leave. You were my best friend, Jason, and I still hold that title for you. But when you left the tribe elected me to take your place. You have broken our laws, brought foreigners into our land, stole and Onion, and are responsible for the death of four Pikmin. I'm sorry I must do this, my friend, but it is my duty to bring you to justice. You know what the penalty is.

He jerked his head towards the Onion. Red Pikmin hung his head, and started to walk towards the tribe of Pikmin. Blue Pikmin grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

Blue Pikmin: What do you think your doing?

Yellow Pikmin: You can't do what they say, Red Pikmin! They're meanies and not handsome people! And I bet chicks don't dig them!

Ship: For once, Yellow Pikmin is making sense, Red Pikmin! Don't do it!

Red Pikmin: What else can I do? They're going to sacrifice me anyway, whether I go quietly or resist. If I resist, they'll just sacrifice you guys too. There's nothing else to do.

Blue Pikmin looked him into the eyes, and then quickly flicked his eyes at his pockets. A look of understanding overcame Red Pikmin, gave an evil smile, and then nodded. The rest of the crew nodded at Blue Pikmin too. Many of the Wild Pikmin found this comical, a few even laughing. Just then, Blue Pikmin pulled out the out the Flame Cannon, the Shock Therapist, the Monster Pump, and the Comedy Bomb, and threw them all up into the air. Then, he pulled out what looked like a gun with four rods at the front. He held it up in the air, allowing the four weapons to fall perfectly on to the rods, which attached to them with an audible **click! **He then pointed the mini-gun looking apparatus at the crowd of wild Pikmin.

Blue Pikmin: Alright! I'm in charge now, people! You all better clear out or your all going to taste some of my mechanical fury!

The Wild Pikmin, who had no idea what the strange weapon Blue Pikmin was holding was and therefore had no idea of its threats, laughed. Many of them stopped laughing, however, when they saw the look of insane glee in Blue Pikmin's eyes. Damion, however, was not one of them.

Wild Red Pikmin (Damion): You must be out of your mind. It's 10 against 1,000. Just give up now, you don't stand a chance.

Blue Pikmin laughed in such a menacing way that even Damion flinched. Blue Pikmin aimed, and then pulled one of the four triggers. Blast of water pierced the crowd, some fleeing in terror, and some not getting up after being shot. The majority of the crowd, however, charged toward the crew. Blue Pikmin then aimed again, and pulled another trigger. Flames burst out and engulfed the crowd. The tribe, however, wasn't effected by the flames. Blue Pikmin grimaced and then pulled the other two triggers at the same time. A cloud of purple gas and a bolt of lighting smashed through the crowd, sending the entire tribe into a panicked state.

President: Come on, we have to get out of here before they regroup!

The crew nodded and ran into the bushes. They ran until they completely lost the ability to run, and then stopped to catch their breath. They were near a giant lake side, with many caves and geysers bursting out of the ground. The group did a head count to see if everyone was present, and saw that everyone was.

Wogpole: So that was your tribe, Red Pikmin?

Red Pikmin nodded.

Ship: And that guy Damion was your best friend once?

Red Pikmin nodded.

Olimar: And you actually _led _them once?

Red Pikmin nodded.

Yellow Pikmin: And you don't wear under-where and like to throw water balloons at old people?

Red Pikmin nodded. Then he looked up.

Red Pikmin: Hey!

Yellow Pikmin giggled.

Purple Pikmin: I can't believe. Being a leader is _so_ against your character. Why would you leave that? _How _could you leave that?

Red Pikmin: Well, one winter, we were low on food. The tribe was starving, but none of the other tribe leaders wanted to go look for better hunting grounds. I proposed to the tribe that we leave in search of a new home, but none of them wanted to leave our ancestral ground unless we had to. Everyone thought that Spring was just around the corner. I knew in my heart that it wouldn't, and I knew it was my duty to try to protect the tribe. So, I went around and tried to rally everyone up, to get them moving towards a more favorable spot. No one would listen. Many _wanted _to come, but were to afraid of the concesequenses if they were caught. In the end, only four agreed to come. Later that night, we hijacked an Onion and fled to the most remote corner of the Valley of Repose. I thought…I thought that if I could save at least these four tribe members, I would have helped my entire tribe. But one day, we were locked into a corner, and a Dwarf Bulborb was approaching us. We thought we were done for…But that's when I met Olimar. You all know the rest.

Olimar: Yes, I remember that. You seemed like such an ordinary Pikmin when I first met you. I couldn't even tell you apart from the other four Pikmin you were with. Now, I find out that you were really once the leader of an entire Pikmin tribe.

Purple Pikmin: Wow. Quite a story, huh Blue Pikmin?…Blue Pikmin?

Blue Pikmin was looking around rapidly, griping his giant weapon tighter than before.

Blue Pikmin: We're being hunted.

The others took this in alarm. Suddenly, Blue Pikmin spun around and blasted them into a nearby bush with the Monster Pump. The second he pulled the trigger, a net appeared from under his feet and pulled him up. Just then, an army of Blue Pikmin stormed the grounds and looked up at their catch.

Wild Blue Pikmin 1: Hey, we caught something!

Wild Blue Pikmin 2: Aww, some idiot just walked into the net.

Wild Blue Pikmin 1: I don't know. I haven't seen him from around here.

Wild Blue Pikmin 3: Hey! Oh my gosh, is that who I think it is?

As they went rambling on, Olimar started to talk.

Olimar: Blue Pikmin are the only species of Pikmin that can live in water. The most aggressive of all the Pikmin species, Blue Pikmin avidly hunt their prey for, not only food, but for sport as well. Their main prey are Wogpole-

Wogpole gulped and tried to hide in his bowl on top of the ship's explorer pod.

Olimar: -but prey on a wide variety of creatures. They are the only Pikmin to have gills.

The Wild Pikmin were carrying Blue Pikmin away, but some stayed behind to re-make the trap. Then, the Ship noticed something lying on the ground. It was Blue Pikmin's giant four-in-one weapon. The Ship slowly reached out a metal claw and grabbed the device. But as the Ship was pulling it back, he snapped a twig. The Wild Blue Pikmin spun around when they heard this.

Wild Blue Pikmin 4: What was that?

Wild Blue Pikmin 5: Came from those bushes.

Wild Blue Pikmin 1: Let's check it out.

They all started to approach the bush that the others where hiding in. The group knew it was over. Although they had Blue Pikmin's weapon, they didn't have is killer instinct. Not only that, they didn't even know how to work it. Suddenly, a Blue Pikmin jostled past them and confronted the Wild Pikmin.

Wild Blue Pikmin 6: Just me, guys. I was watching that Pikmin fall into our trap. Is he who I think he was?

Wild Blue Pikmin 1: We think he might be. Hey, would you do us a favor and set up the rest of the trap?

The Pikmin nodded and the others ran off. The lone Pikmin sighed and approached the bush that the crew were hiding in.

Wild Blue Pikmin 6: It's not safe here. Follow me.

The Pikmin started to walk off, much to the confusion to the crew, who reluctantly followed. Eventually the Pikmin led them to a small cave, and entered. The others followed. Upon entering, the crew quickly assessed that this Pikmin lived here. There were decorations and a photograph of a family of Blue Pikmin on a dresser made of rock in one of the corners of the room. The Picture had two adult Pikmin, and four infant ones. One, in particular, looked particularly to have it's picture taken.

Wild Blue Pikmin 6: Excuse the mess. I wasn't expecting company. Don't worry, you'll be safe here. This is sacred ground to my tribe, and they would never hunt on it.

The Pik's eyes wandered on the crew and rested on the weapon that the Ship's explorer pod held in a metal claw.

Wild Blue Pikmin 6: Well, I'll be. Is that the Flare Cannon, Shock Therapist, Monster Pump, and Comedy Bomb I herd so much about?

Louie: How do you know what these are?

The Wild Pik turned around and started to search in the stone cubboards around the cave.

Wild Blue Pikmin 6: Blue Pikmin told me himself.

Olimar thought about this for a moment.

Olimar: But, how? Blue Pikmin doesn't have any friends outside our crew, and the only family member he's still in contact with is-

Olimar stared at the Wild Pik, who smiled.

Wild Blue Pikmin 6: Yep. I'm Thomas's older brother, Arnold.

The others stared.

Purple Pikmin: Brother? _Brother? _Since when has he had a brother?

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Birth.

Olimar: I'm confused. All Pikmin are born from the Onion, right? Wouldn't _all _Pikmin technically be brothers and sisters?

Blue Pikmin's brother was still rummaging through cupboards.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): That's true, but we were both raised in the same household, so by tribal law that makes me and Thomas brothers.

President: So I assume that Thomas was Blue Pikmin's tribal name?

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Yeah. Tribal names among Pikmin tribes aren't as important to us as names on your planet. We are named only so we can tell each other apart, and nothing more. I assume he doesn't go by Thomas anymore, correct?

Olimar: Yeah. He just goes by Blue Pikmin now.

Louie turned around and faced Yellow, White, and Purple Pikmin.

Louie: Okay, before we go on, does anyone else have some twist to there life story? Like being a tribe leader at one time or having a brother?

The three Pikmin all nodded but didn't say anything, as if they weren't willing to talk about it. Louie scowled at this and turned back to Blue Pikmin's alleged brother.

Louie: Okay, so your Blue Pikmin's brother. Now, I can believe that. But why did you save us? When we ran into Red Pikmin's tribe all they wanted to do was to sacrifice us.

The Pik stopped rummaging through the cupboards and pulled out a large harpoon.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Well, I can only assume that your "Red Pikmin" didn't have such a close bond with his siblings.

Red Pikmin nodded.

Red Pikmin: It's true. We grew apart very quickly when we left our household. So, were you and Blue Pikmin really close?

The Wild Blue Pikmin turned and nodded.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): We were all each other had. He was always really nice. Loved animals and hated violence.

The others stared.

Louie: Yeah, I find that hard to belive. _Our _Blue Pikmin loves violence and enjoys killing anything that moves.

The Pikmin's visage saddened. He twirled the harpoon between his hands and looked at his reflection in the blade.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): He wasn't always like that. Once, he was one of the kindest and gentlest Pikmin in the entire tribe. You see, we grew up together in a time when the village was in a sorry state. Not to long before we were born, a Waterwraith haunted our village. It terrified our people and stopped all trade from coming into the village. Normally, other tribes would have helped us, but they were to terrified of the Waterwraith to do so. Me and my brother were always picked on in the village. They were older Pikmin, played terrible pranks on us, sometimes ending with one of us getting hurt. My brother never hated them, however. He always assumed that they didn't mean to do us harm. But one day, the older Pikmin tricked my brother into getting lost in the deepest, darkest, most dangerous cave in all the Awakening Woods. He was missing in there for three days. Everyone in the village thought he was dead. But, he came back. He was half-conscious, retaining multiple serious injuries, and was severly malnutreated, but we was alive. He spent over a week recovering from his trip into the cave, but he was never the same. He was no longer the little brother who was kind and always stayed up to listen to stories with me at night. He became violent. He shuned other tribe members and now, instead of _being _terrorized by the older Pikmin, _he _terrorized _them._ One day, he accidently killed one of the older Pikmin. He was still very young, so the tribe didn't excecute him. Instead, they banished him and four other Blue Pikmin into exile. I was forbidden to be in contact with him, but we always stayed in touch. Even to this day, we still keep close tabs on each other.

The Pikmin paused from his long story and looked at the crew.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): In his letters, he's always said he's been happy with in your crew. I thank you for that.

White Pikmin: Look, I know this is a moment for you, but shouldn't we go save him?

Yellow Pikmin: Yeah! The meany people are about to be mean to him!

Arnold sighed.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): My tribe consists of some of the best warriors in the land. It would be 10 regular guys like us against over 1000 hardened warrior-hunters.

Louie scoffed and approached the Pikmin.

Louie: Regular? _Regular? _Excuse me, buster, but we are _everything _but regular. Olimar is a scientific genius with the common sence of a two year old.

Olimar nodded.

Louie: Red Pikmin used to be a respected tribe leader and now he's a nearly un-harmable klutz!

Red Pikmin also nodded.

Louie: Yellow Pikmin here is a wild card attached to a timed nuke at the center of the planet's core with delusions of being pretty.

Yellow Pikmin: Yay!

Louie: White Pikmin is a guy with 20/1 vison, and Purple Pikmin's massive girth has earned him the title as our 'last ditch weapon'.

White Pikmin and Purple Pikmin high-fived.

Louie: Your brother is a clinically psychotic kamikaze with a shooting addiction.

Arnold nodded twice in agreement.

Louie: Our President has a coniption when anyone even _says _the word 'money'.

President: Money? _Money? _WHERE IS IT! _DARN IT, LOUIE, WHERE IS THE MONEY!_

Louie pointed at the Ship and Wogpole.

Louie: Wogpole is a fish that knows every language in existence, and the Ship is…uh,….the ship is…made of gold! Yeah, he's made of gold.

Wogpole smiled and the Ship just floated.

Louie: And _I'm _a bug-chef and the official strait man of the group.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Okay! Okay! I get it, your all _really _weird. What are you getting at?

Louie: What I'm saying that your right. Ten regular guys can't beat one thosand carbon-copies of your brother. But with ten weird, disturbed, and insane guys, then I just _know _we'll find a way!

Red Pikmin: …No we won't.

Louie: Quiet, Red Pikmin! I'm having a moment.

Purple Pikmin looked up from deep thought.

Purple Pikmin: Say, are the Blue Pikmin in your tribe anything like your brother?

Arnold shrugged.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Well, besides being less aggressive and homicidal than him, then I'd have to say yes. Why?

Purple Pikmin rubbed his arms together.

Purple Pikmin: I have an idea.

……

Blue Pikmin was in a cage near the center of the tribal vilage. He was watching his ex-tribesmen preparing for the ceremony in which they would sacrifice him to the Onion. Many of the tribesmen expected him to beg and plead, but all Blue Pikmin did was make vulgar and annoying comments, making it increasingly hard for the Wild Pikmin to work. Many responded to his comments out of sheer annoyance.

Wild Blue Pikmin 7: You shouldn't have come back here, Tom. What you did was unforgivable, even if you _were_ still quite young when you did it. Your never going to escape, either. Even the great "Tom the Typhoon", one of our tribes most infamous warriors, can't break those iron bars.

Blue Pikmin scoffed at his old nickname.

Blue Pikmin: Listen. Normally, I would never come back to this dump. In fact, if given the chance, I'd blow this pathetic tribe off of the face of the planet. But coming here was not my decision.

A few Pikmin who were working looked up at when they heard this bizarre comment.

Wild Blue Pikmin 8: What do you mean?

Blue Pikmin crossed his arms and looked back arrogantly.

Blue Pikmin: I'm…I'm on a…nature…show…

His face turned bright red as he said this. The Wild Pikmin waited for a moment, expecting him to make some comment to show he was joking. When they realized he was serious, they all burst out laughing.

Wild Blue Pikmin 7: You? You, _on a nature show? _Playing with all the little animals?

They burst into another gale of laughter. Blue Pikmin, at that moment, would have given anything in the world to have the cage he was in break so he could strangle his laughing tribesmen. He was about to make a vulgar come-back, when he noticed his crewmates approaching him and the Wild Pikmin. _They're not that stupid, they're not that stupid, they're not that stupid_, Blue Pikmin thought wildly. But of course they _were _that stupid. The nine crewmembers, along, to his horror, with his brother, slowly made there approach to the most infamous Pikmin army in the region.

Wild Blue Pikmin 9: Who are those morons?

Wild Blue Pikmin 10: Probably nature-boy's camera crew.

The throng of Blue Pikmin once again burst into a gale of laughter. The ten individuals were only a few meters away now, and the Wild Pikmin began to get serious. All of the Blue Piks nodded to one of the smaller members, and he rushed off to the armory to get everyones weapons.

Yellow Pikmin: Hi, Blue Pikmin!

Blue Pikmin just stared at them incredulously.

Wild Blue Pikmin 7: I don't know who you are, but _you _sure as heck will know who _we_ are after we're finished with you.

The Blue Pikmin who went to get the weapons came back empty handed.

Wild Blue Pikmin 11: Someone stole all of the weapons!

Arnold gripped the harpoon he was holding tightly, expecting the 1000 Pikmin to attack and destroy them. Instead, incredibly, they all started sobbing and panicking.

Purple Pikmin: Hah! I knew it! They may be one of the best warrior tribes in the region, but they're pathetic when they learn something has happened to their precious weapons, just like our Blue Pikmin!

The crew started to laugh.

Wild Blue Pikmin 11: Oh, wait. I found them, they're in that bush right there.

The crew stopped laughing. The Blue Pikmin retrieved their weapons with such astonishing speed that the crew didn't have to retreat. As the crew started to back up, they were caught in another net-trap placed directly behind them. All of which, except Olimar, who now had to face 1000 of the most ferocious Pikmin in existence alone…

To be continued…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hope you all enjoyed the dramatic chapter! You can expect another dramatic chapter soon, _**IF YOU REVIEW, THAT IS! **_This two-part episode is _supposed _to seem more dramatic and serious than other episodes, so don't worry if you think that all chapters from now on are like this. I also forgot to give the scientific names of last times creatures, so I'll be adding them to this episodes scientific names. Oh, and if you don't think that my scientific names are real, check your Piklopedia on your game. It has the scientific name of almost every creature you encounter. I got the Pikmin's scientific names from Wikipedia. **Vote for _Your_ favorite character in "Know the Beasts" on the poll on my Profile! Vote now, or I will destroy you!**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Scientific Names**

Mamuta- none, but sometimes referred to as "The Great Protector" and "God of All Pikmin"

Hermit Crawmad- "rustic crawmad"

Segmented Crabster- "crustaceous creep-crab" (roughly translated)

Waterwraith- "Watery man"

Creeping Chrysanthemum- "Roving dandelion"

Red Pikmin- "Crimson Pikmin"

Blue Pikmin- "Colbat Pikmin"


	7. Pointless Pikmin Plant Pains Part 2

I'm depressed. I hardly got any reviews. I hardly got any hits, as well. This will be my last chapter for a while. I need reviews to keep me going, and I'm just not getting it from this fic. Once I get some reviews from this fic, I'll continue. Until then, like I said, this will be the last chapter I'll make for this fic for awhile. Unless I get some good reviews, of course.

**Pointless Pikmin Plant Pains- Part 2**

The one thousand Blue Pikmin menacingly approached Olimar. Olimar looked around, expecting one of his friends to help him, but all of his fellow crewmates were trapped.

Red Pikmin: Do something, Olimar!

Olimar looked once again at the oncoming Pikmin army.

Olimar: Are you crazy! I may have an underdeveloped streak of common sense, but just _look _at them! Even if these guys are only a _fraction _as homicidal as Blue Pikmin, that _still_ makes them the most homicidal army in existence!

Blue Pikmin: Hey! I'm not homicidal! I'm _very _homicidal, thank you very much.

Louie: Come on! You have to help us!

Olimar: But…but…

The army was getting closer.

Louie: _For Pete's sake, Captain! For once in your miserable life, just this once, do something heroic!_

The word "Captain" clicked in Olimar's brain. Louie was right. He _was _the captain, and it was a captain's duty to protect his crew…no matter how pitiful his crew was.

White Pikmin: Hey! My tunnel vision can read subtitles too, you know! And let me tell you something else! …that was a mean thing to say… (sob)

Olimar didn't respond. He started to casually approach the oncoming cascade of Blue warriors.

Yellow Pikmin: Wow. You finally drove Olimar insane, Louie…

Yellow Pikmin then slapped Louie in the head.

Louie: Oww! What was that for?

Yellow Pikmin: _I _wanted to drive Olimar insane!

Olimar pushed a button on the sleeve of his space suit. He then charged full speed at the on coming army of Wild Blue Pikmin and punched the nearest one. The Pikmin was sent flying with almost comedic force. The Pikmin collided into a tree, leaving a small imprint. The army of Blue Pikmin then stopped for a moment to stare at the incredible feat.

Ship: Hey! He's using the Rocket Fist! I thought we sold that item…

Olimar continued to punch out the horde, sending a flurry of Blue Pikmin flying into nearby trees. Soon, all 1000 Blue Pikmin were on the ground with major concussions. After the fight, Olimar released Blue Pikmin and the rest of the crew.

Blue Pikmin: Wow….Wow. I never thought you had it in you, Olimar. Great work!

Olimar just stood there.

White Pikmin: Uh, Olimar?

Olimar emerged from the bushes.

Olimar: Hey guys.

The crew stared at him, the looked to the other Olimar.

Olimar: I just had to go to the bathroom. Did I miss anything?

Wogpole: Uh, how about having missed yourself Rocket Punching the entire Pikmin horde into oblivion.

Olimar: Oh, that's no me. That's just a robot.

He pulled out a remote and pushed a button. The robot's head exploded.

Louie: I knew having Olimar doing something brave was asking for to much…

Blue Pikmin walked over and pulled his brother into and embrace.

Yellow Pikmin: Wow. That's the first time I've ever seen Blue Pikmin hug something without squeezing the life out of it.

Blue Pikmin: What are you going to do now, Arnold? The whole tribe saw you help me…

Arnold smiled.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): They were all punched so hard they won't remember a thing when they wake up. But just to be safe, it'd probably be best if you left now. It was really nice seeing you again, bro.

Blue Pikmin smiled.

Blue Pikmin: Nice to see you again too. Keep in touch, kay?

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): You know it!

The crew shook hands and said there goodbyes, and then walked off, with Blue Pikmin's brother waving at them as they walked back into the forest.

Wogpole: So, Blue Pikmin, your brother filled us in on a lot of your history, but we still don't know everything.

Blue Pikmin: What did he tell you so far?

Ship: About you coming back out of the cave and becoming hostile.

Blue Pikmin: Well, you see, after my little mood change, I joined my tribe's military. Because of my great fighting skills, I quickly became known throughout the tribe for my fierce fighting. Eventually I became so famous for my skills that I was known through out my tribe as "Tom the Typhoon".

Wogpole: …That's a stupid nickname.

Blue Pikmin sighed.

Blue Pikmin: I know, but it commanded intense respect among my tribe's military. And you have to remember, I was still very young when all this happened, so I was treated by my commanders like some kind of child prodigy.

Purple Pikmin: If it commanded so much respect, why were you constantly picked on?

Blue Pikmin: It commanded respect in the _military_. Everywhere else, not so much. Many of the non-warrior members of my village heard of my skills and treated me like some sort of freak, and those who didn't only did so because they feared me. I was a loner, and had only my brother for company. One day, I tricked one of the older Pikmin into going into a dangerous lake, and…

Red Pikmin: And what?

Blue Pikmin stopped walking. His friends also stopped. Blue Pikmin closed his eyes and recalled the day that changed his life forever.

**Flashback**

Tommy, who was admired throughout the village for his gentle disposition and big heart, was running through the streets of his poverty-stricken village in order to meet big brother, Arnold. He had just finished all of his chores and was looking forward to the rest of the day playing with his brother. He was rushing through the alley that was directly across from his house when he collided head-first into someone.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Whoa, I'm really sorry, mister…

He looked up to see who he ran into and gasped. It was Jake, Robert, and George, the three older Pikmin who constantly picked on him and his brother.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Jake): Well, lookie here. It's the runt. How ya doin', runt? Just where do you think _your _

going so fast?

The young Pikmin starred in fear at the older Pikmin, and wasn't able to reply for a few seconds. Eventually, however, he mustered enough courage to stutter a response.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Please, Jake. I'm supposed to meet my big brother soon!

The Pik just laughed and motioned towards toward his two friends. The three old Piks then started to hit the smaller Pikmin. The smaller Pikmin cried out in a combination of terror and pain. They would have continued hitting the bruised and bloodied younger Pikmin much longer if someone hadn't saw them.

Adult Blue Pikmin: Hey, _hey!_ Get away from that boy now, or I'll get the guards!

The three older Pikmin just stood there for a second, as if they were going to continue assaulting the most harmless member of their tribe, but then snickered and walked away. The adult Pikmin then rushed over to the young Pikmin's side.

Adult Blue Pikmin: Are you okay, kid?

Through a haze of pain, the younger Pikmin smiled.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Yeah, just a few cuts.

The adult looked Tommy over and shook his head.

Adult Blue Pikmin: Those three are the biggest troublemakers in the entire tribe. I'd watch out for them if I were you, kid.

Blue Pikmin nodded happily.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Oh, I will sir.

Adult Blue Pikmin: Do you need any help getting home?

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): No thank you, sir. My house is just right there.

He pointed to his house, which was made of rocks and reeds.

The adult Pikmin looked worriedly at the young Pik.

Adult Blue Pikmin: You take care of yourself, son.

The young Pikmin nodded eagerly, showing a modest smile.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): I will. Thank you, sir!

The adult Pikmin looked at the child for a few more moments, and then was on his way. Thomas then got up and headed towards his home. When he entered, he was greeted by his brother Arnold, who looked impatient from waiting. He was about to berate his younger brother for being late, when he saw his injuries.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Tommy, don't tell me Jake and his jerk-friends did this to you?

His younger brother sadly nodded. Arnold rubbed his eyes.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): This is third time this week, Tommy! I think we should report this to the Elders, before this gets out of hand.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): We can't, big brother! The Elders have enough troubles already with the wraith around. Besides, I'm sure Jake and his friends will move on eventually!

Arnold sighed.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): You know, there is such a thing as being _to _forgiving, Tommy. Hey, did you remember to get those things I asked you to get?

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Oh, man! I'm so sorry, Arny, I forgot! I better go get them right now.

He started to rush out when his brother stopped him.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): I can't let you go out after what Jake did to you! Really, I can get those things tomorrow-

His brother held up a hand.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): No, I can get them. Don't worry, big brother, I won't go in any alleys or anything, and I'll be back before you know it!

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Well, I guess it's all right. But…bro?

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Yeah, Arny?

His older brother put a hand on his shoulder.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Just be careful…Okay? I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you…

His little brother pulled him into a big hug. It was something Arnold would remember for the rest of his life.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Don't worry, big brother. I'll be careful.

He then rushed out the door. It was the last time that Arnold ever saw his brother kindhearted or gentle again.

……

Three days later

……

For days now, a massive search party has been searching in vain for a young member of their tribe who disappeared three days ago. Every single nook and cranny in the village and the area surrounding the village had been searched extensively. Everyone in the tribe feared the worst. The Pikmin called Jake and his friends had been interrogated for two days, and on third they finally relented and gave the location of where they took the helpless young Pik, Razor Tooth Cave. The single, biggest, darkest, most dangerous cave in all of the Blue Pikmin tribal area. No one, not even the greatest warriors, have _ever _gone into that cave and lived to tell about it. When the tribe learned this, many went home. Some, led by the missing Pikmin's brother, Arnold, waited at the mouth of the cave in the vain hope that the young Pik made it out.

Wild Blue Pikmin 1: We've been waiting for hours, Arnold. I'm sorry, but there's just no hope that your sweet little brother could have survived Razor Tooth Cave.

Arnold had tears welling up in his eye's and started to turn to leave.

Wild Blue Pikmin 2: Hey, hey! Someone's coming out!

Arnold spun around. His younger brother, in the worst shape Arnold ever saw him in, very literally crawled out of the cave. Arnold rushed to his brother's side.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Tommy? Is that you, little brother?

His little brother looked up.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Arny…

He then passed out in his arms, and Arnold, sobbing with relief, called for a doctor.

……

One week later

……

Nobody knew it, or even considered it, but most of the people who died going into Razor Tooth Cave took their _own _lives out of fear and hunger. During his three day trial, Tommy the Blue Pikmin found the bodies of many warrior Piks who apparently fell on their harpoons, so to speak. Growing up in a time of poverty, the young Pikmin was not a stranger to death, but this was the first time he had ever seen a carcass, and the images terrified him for years to come. He also killed his first animal, a dwarf red bulborb, during his time in the cave. Years later, killing animals would become an enjoyable activity for him, but during his first time taking the life of another living creature, we wept. Normally, no matter how desperate, Thomas would _never _take the life of another creature, but hunger consumed him. Hunger, as many hardened individuals know, can make people do things they normally would never do. Even so, after felling the poor creature, using a large stone as his weapon, the young Pikmin cried over the dwarf bulborb's body. Never the less, he ate the dead animal grudgingly. He found many horrible creatures in the cave, and, using warrior skills he didn't even know he had, defended himself on multiple occasions. This isn't to say he wasn't injured in any of these tussles with the wild animals. He was hurt severely in many of these fights, and when he finally escaped the cave, it took over a week for him to recover. In reality, he never truly recovered from the events in the cave. The once gentle, loving, and forgiving Thomas was forever gone, and in his place was someone hostile, unforgiving, and hateful. The only one in the whole village who was spared Thomas's wrath was the only person in the world he still cared about, his brother Arnold. Jake in his gang, who where now the most least trusted members of their tribe, now no longer terrorized Arnold and Thomas. Instead, Thomas terrorized _them. _Arnold was watching his brother preparing for another raid of terror on the three older Pikmin who essentially stole his brother's innocence.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): Your going for another go, huh, brother?

His brother looked up.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Yeah. I've been working on this plan I've had, you see I-…What's wrong, Arny?

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): It's just…you've changed so much, Tommy. You used to _hate _violence. And now, you actually dish it out.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): Well, kinda makes me sound like a hypocrite when you put it like that. Maybe your right, Arny, I have changed. But where I've gone, I don't think I can go back. But I'm still Tommy, right? I'll always be your little brother, and I promise you _that _will never change.

Arnold smiled.

Wild Blue Pikmin (Arnold): All I'm saying is don't go overboard, kay?

His younger brother smiled. Many things have changed about his brother, but his soft, gentle, loving smile was still the same, and the smile gave Arnold hope that one day, he would have his younger brother back to the way he used to be.

Blue Pikmin (Thomas): I won't, big brother.

……

A few years later

……

Time passed, and many things happened in a rapid pace. Thomas joined his tribe's military, and quickly earned a fearsome reputation as "Thomas the Typhoon". If asked, Thomas would reply that he thought the nickname sounded stupid. But, of course, no one asked. For awhile, Thomas stopped terrorizing Jake and his friends, for his brother's sake. But when Jake and his friends one day ambushed and put Arnold in the hospital, Thomas's "raids of terror" intensified. One day, he tricked the boys into going into the middle of Dumple Lake. The leader, Jake, while in the lake, was eaten by its namesake. After facing a trial, Thomas was sentenced to exile.

……

Three months later

……

Exiled Pikmin 1: Hey, Thomas, you found the firewood yet?

It had been a few months since the infamous "Tom the Typhoon" was exiled with four other Pikmin. He was fortunate enough to have found a way to keep in touch with his brother, Arnold, but besides that, things couldn't get much worse in his eyes. He and the others were trapped with the Onion that was given to them by the tribe, but with food so rare, they never had enough surplus to make more members. Resources where scarce, and prey was few.

Blue Pikmin: Come on, now. We're out of the tribe, so why disgrace ourselves with those names? I'm just Blue Pikmin, now.

Exiled Pikmin 2: Fine, "Blue Pikmin", can you help me carry this 'pole? He's really squirming- whoa!

The Wogpole he was holding squirmed out of his hands and started to flop around.

Blue Pikmin: Quick, grab it!

They all started to chase the flopping creature around, looking rather ridiculous while doing so. They were so focused on grabbing it, they never noticed that the spider web, which had them trapped in the area that they were, was being broken down by a horde of Pikmin. The five looked up in shock when it broke. When the dust cleared, there stood a swarm of Red, Yellow, Purple, and White Pikmin. The five exiled Blue Pikmin stare for a few seconds, and then saw that two strange creatures, wearing what looked like fish-bowls, started to approach them…

**End Flashback**

Blue Pikmin opened his eyes.

Red Pikmin: Whoa. Now _that's _a dramatic life…

Yellow Pikmin: Your life story, it touched my soul in such a way that it erased any silly comment I was about to make…

Louie: Really?

Yellow Pikmin: No. That was a funny story, tell it again!

Blue Pikmin pulverized him.

Wild Yellow Pikmin 1: Yeah, that _was _a funny story! It made me all happy…

Blue Pikmin turned around and was about to pulverize the Pikmin but stopped.

Ship: Oh, great! Not _another_ wild Pikmin!

Wild Yellow Pikmin 1: A wild Pikmin? You know, I always wanted to see one of those…

The crew starred.

Louie: Dang…This guy's stupid blows Yellow Pikmin's stupid out of the water…

Wild Yellow Pikmin: Oh my good-golly-gosh on a stick with butter! Jamie? Is that you?

Yellow Pikmin: Yep! It is I, the supper handsome and awesome Jamie! Hello, my almost equally handsome, but not quiet as handsome as me, brethren!

Wild Yellow Pikmin: Come on! The village will be _delighted _to see you!

Yellow Pikmin grabbed his stunned crew and headed off in the same direction the Wild Pikmin came from. Eventually, they found them selves in a place with many high trees and electrical wires. Around them, where many Yellow Pikmin and Yellow Onions.

Louie: Oh…my…gosh…It's happened! I've died and gone to the bad place! A place where hundreds of Yellow Pikmin clones run free!

Olimar: Oh…my…gosh…It's happened! I've died and gone to the good place! A place where I can study a fascinating breed of animal…_forever!_

Many of the Wild Yellow Pikmin greeted the strangers, when went into histerics when they saw Yellow Pikmin. Many fainted. Many screamed fan-girl screams. Many hit their heads against rocks while sing the lyrics to "Good Times".

Louie: Okay…Why are they all so excited to see us instead of trying to kill us?

A wild Pikmin ran up to them.

Wild Yellow Pikmin 2: I can't believe it! It's Jamie, our tribe's Oracle!

The crew members froze.

Louie: Oracle? _Oracle? ORACLE?_

The Wild Pikmin nodded.

Wild Yellow Pikmin 2: Yep! He's the wisest, coolest, most observant Pikmin in the whole tribe!

Louie: No, _this _Yellow Pikmin is crazy, insane, and oblivious.

White Pikmin looked at the wild Pikmin hitting their heads against rocks.

White Pikmin: Uh, Louie? In comparison to the rest of the wild Pikmin here, I'd have to say our Yellow Pikmin _is _the wisest and most observant Yellow Pikmin here.

Olimar: What does an Oracle do for it's tribe?

Red Pikmin: The Oracle is the Pikmin who tries to give advise to the tribe in the way that the Original Tribe, which was the first Pikmin tribe ever, would have wanted. The Original Tribe, as legend goes, consisted of every type of Pikmin, and broke up, creating all of the worlds Pikmin tribes. In order to become and Oracle, you have to be a descendant of one of the Original Tribe's leaders. That means, if you're an Oracle, you basically have royal blood.

President: But, Pikmin come from Onions, how can he be a descendant of any other Pikmin?

Red Pikmin: Whenever a Pikmin dies, it's soul is recycled by the Onion. When ever an Oracle dies, a series of tests is performed on every newborn Pikmin, to see if they are the reincarnates of the Oracle. In this way, the spirit of the Original Tribe is passed on.

Ship: If Yellow Pikmin is the descendant of one of the Original Tribe's leaders, wouldn't that make him…

The crew stiffened.

Yellow Pikmin: Yep! Besides being super sexy and cool, I'm also royalty!

Purple Pikmin: Well, that _would _explain why your tribe hasn't tried to kill us yet.

Yellow Pikmin: Oh, and chicks dig me, as well!

Louie: _FOR THE LAST TIME, YELLOW PIKMIN, CHICKS DO _NOT _DIG-_

Just then a bunch of female Pikmin appeared.

Female Wild Yellow Pikmin 1: Oh, Jamie, your so hot! Will you date me?

Female Wild Yellow Pikmin 2: Me too!

Female Wild Yellow Pikmin 3: Don't forget me!

The girls began fighting over who would date Yellow Pikmin.

Wogpole: Well, it looks like chicks _do _dig Yellow Pikmin, wouldn't you say Louie?

Louie: …Just kill me…

Blue Pikmin pulled out his weapons.

Louie: _NOT LITTERALY YOU PSYCOPATHIC KAMAKAZIE! _

Blue Pikmin: Hey, I am not a psychopathic kamakazie! I'm a _very _psychopathic kamakazie, thank you very much.

Yellow Pikmin: Well, I'll give you tour of the village.

As Yellow Pikmin walked around, pointing out things, Olimar started to talk.

Olimar: Yellow Pikmin are the least aggressive, yet most sporadic, Pikmin species. These Pikmin have large ears, which aids them in jumping higher than any other Pikmin species. Because they spend so much time in high altitudes, Yellow Pikmin have adapted shock-proof skin. These species of Pikmin, because of their amazing jumping abilities, mostly prey on flying creatures.

They eventually arrived to a giant red crystal, with many Pikmin standing around it, worshiping it.

Yellow Pikmin: …And this is the Crystal of Random Thingies.

Purple Pikmin: …Okay…I don't understand why anyone would worship a crystal…that is, of course, unless it's rock-candy, I would understand if they worshiped _that. _

Yellow Pikmin: This crystal makes the most random things ever happen.

Just then a light-saber was thrown and nearly killed Red Pikmin. Blue Pikmin caught it.

Blue Pikmin: A light-saber? The most PWN-tacular weapon in all of fandom? Santa must love me!

Purple Pikmin: No he doesn't, don't you remember?

**Flashback**

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Santa was laying presents, including Yellow Pikmin's blouse.

Santa: Just this last present and I can-

Blue Pikmin: Ahh! A fat man is trying to rob us! _Die, fat man!_

Santa: No, wait! AHHHH!

**End Flashback**

Blue Pikmin: Oh yeah, I remember that! Santa was so upset that he filed a restraining order, for life.

Louie: Okay, that was really, really random.

He turned to the screen and knocked on it.

Louie: Hey! Who ever writes this junk, what the heck was that about?

Don't look at me! Some guy threw it through the broken fourth wall. Now stop asking questions and get back to work!

White Pikmin: Hey, by the way, what is a light-saber?

Blue Pikmin: I don't know. I'm just so gifted with weapons that I can tell what their name is and how PWNerific they are just by looking at them.

Red Pikmin: I guess that crystal really make random things happen, Yellow Pikmin.

Yellow Pikmin: Yeah.

White Pikmin: Hey, since you're an Oracle, mind if I ask you a question?

Yellow Pikmin: Nope!

White Pikmin: Okay, how should I live my life?

Yellow Pikmin's eyes glowed white and started to speak in a deep voice.

Yellow Pikmin: The way you live your life is not something that you should let someone else define. You must find your own path of life to follow.

His eyes stopped glowing white.

Yellow Pikmin: I love it when that happens! It makes me feel all cool and stuff.

The crew stared at him in an eye-twitching sort of way. Except the Ship, who didn't have eyes.

Ship: Hey! For your information, I _choose _not to have eyes!

Louie: No you don't.

Ship: (sniffle) I know…

Wogpole: Hey, how can you sniffle, too? You don't even have a nose.

Ship: _Oh, just forget it!_

White Pikmin: So, Yellow Pikmin, why did you join our crew?

Yellow Pikmin: Well, it all started on a boring day. Me and a bunch of my friends where climbing a tree, when we saw Olimar and Louie! And so I followed them because I thought it would be fun. And it was! The end.

Ship: That's it? No dramatic life decision that was built up upon a series of tragic life events all colliding together to form the urge to follow a new life?

Yellow Pikmin: Uh, I thought it would be fun. What else could you want besides fun?

Olimar: Science.

President: Money.

Louie: Your demise. Now, as much fun, and if you didn't notice that was sarcasm, as this venture was, I think we should focus on finding the other tribes.

Yellow Pikmin: Sure, and I bet they're _much _more intresting than my super cool tribe…

Olimar: Louie is right, we have to-…Did you just use sarcasm?

Yellow Pikmin: Yep. You guys use it so much that I decided to give it a try, and I can see why you do it so much! It's so fun!

The crew said their (Blissful) goodbye's to Yellow Pikmin's tribe and once again headed off into the woods.

Olimar: Okay, I've tracked Purple Pikmin's and White Pikmin's to two caves in this region. Purple Pikmin's tribe is located in a relativily shallow cave dubbed the Earth-Worm Labyrinth, and White Pikmin's tribe has been located in a deep cave dubbed the Ant Hill Labyrinth. Both have many intricate tunneling caverns that were made by giant terrestrial animals. Now, whose tribe shall we visit first?

White and Purple Pikmin: His!

Olimar: Well, both are equidistant to us, so we'll go to the Earth-Worm Labyrinth first!

Purple Pikmin: What! Why?

Olimar: Because we want to follow linear order. It makes for sense to go Red, Blue, Yellow, and then Purple and White, than to go Red, Blue Yellow, and then White and Purple. Not only that, being a shallow cave, we'll have a better chance to find life besides Pikmin than in the deep Ant Hill Labyrinth.

Purple Pikmin groaned and White Pikmin sighed in reliefe. So they all headed for the Earth-Worm Labyrinth, the last leg of the race that has followed this crazy day.

To be continued…

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Surprise! It's a trilogy! Now, I used to get at least 8 reviews per new chapter in this fic, but after my extended summer absence, I only get 2 per new chapter! And this fact makes me very sad…… So feel free to feel pity and review! After overlooking previous chapters, I've realized that I've skipped a few Scientific names. To make up for this, I've added them to this chapter.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Scientific Names**

Yellow Pikmin- "Golden Pikmin"

Wogpole- "Amphituber Wollypog"

Yellow Wollypog- "Ampituber Wollypog" (No, it's not a typo. They have the same scientific names)

Wollypog- "Albino Ampituber"


	8. Pointless Pikmin Plant Pains Part 3

Thank you all for the reviews! Because so many people reviewed, I've decided to continue my fic! Also, I noticed a lot of people throwing things into the fourth wall. Now, I think that's great, and it adds a cool new running gag to the story, but just don't throw anything inappropriate. Also, don't be offended if one of your items doesn't make it to the crew. I can only have so many things thrown at them per chapter! But if it's funny, and if it's acceptable under the K+ rating, then I will almost certainly use it! Now, to the chapter!

**Pointless Pikmin Plant Pains -Part 3**

After a couple of minutes walking, they made it to the entrance of a giant cave.

Olimar: Well, this is it! The Earth-Worm Labyrinth, home to Purple Pikmin's tribe.

Purple Pikmin: Uh, you know, guys, I think I left faucet running back on the ship. Yeah! I better just go on back and-

Blue Pikmin started to drag Purple Pikmin into the cave by his leafy appendage. The others followed.

Olimar: Now, before we reach the first floor, let's talk a little bit more about Pikmin in general.

Louie: I gotta better idea! We take your idea, and shove it up your-

Olimar: Assuming where I was, a paradox among Pikmin is if we classify what eats them are considered herbivores or carnivores. Now, Pikmin are plants, because they have leaves, a xylem, and chloroplasts.

Louie: Chloroplasts contain chlorophyll, which is a green pigment that plants use for photosynthesis, and photosynthesis is the process that plants do by converting water, CO2, and light, into food for the plants. This also produces oxygen in the process, as well. A Xylem is a tube inside a plant that allows water to reach all parts of it's body.

Olimar: Because a Pikmin is a plant, one would assume that we would classify Pik-predators as herbivors. However, because Pikmin also have bones, organs, and sensory devices, (just like animals), Pik-predators are considered carnivores. Another interesting trait that Pikmin share is that they a Pikmin of one species almost never fights with a Pikmin of another species. Indeed, Pikmin are more likely fight with of their own species than Pikmin of other species.

White Pikmin: If that was true, why do we always fight?

President: You _always _have to point out some misgiven paradox, don't you?

White Pikmin: Well, yeah. It's kinda my niche.

Louie: A niche is an animal's place in it's environment. Wait, why am I telling you this!

Yellow Pikmin: Because you love us! And we love you too!

Louie: Ignoring that last nightmare inducing comment, you five are always fighting because you annoy everyone and everything you five come in contact with, including each other!

Blue Pikmin: The guy has a point.

Red Pikmin: He sure does.

They arrived at the first floor.

Red Pikmin: Well, let's hope nothing weird happens down here like they usually-

He was hit in the head with a hammer that appeared out of nowhere.

Red Pikmin: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME?!

Ship: I don't know. Maybe the readers just don't like you.

Red Pikmin: That's nonsense, that's crazy, that's-

He was run over by a Bulborb that also appeared out of nowhere.

Ship: True as truffles, that's what it is.

White Pikmin: Hey, Yellow Pikmin, I thought we were out of that weird crystal's range.

Yellow Pikmin: We are.

Louie: Well then, that must mean someone must have-…President…

President: Huh? What? Don't look at me! I'm clean, I'm innocent, I'm under false accusations!

Louie: …You totally stole it, didn't you?

President: Yep.

Louie: _YOU STOLE A RELIGIOUS ITEM FROM A BUNCH OF YELLOW PIKMIN CLONES!?_

Wogpole: I would think you would _like _Yellow Pikmin's tribe in a frenzied state.

Louie: Normally I would, but what if they come looking for us? Their hideous, their horrible, their-

Yellow Pikmin: Beautiful!

Louie: Their oblivious stupidity eclipses even _Yellow Pikmin's _dimwittedness.

Yellow Pikmin ran off crying.

The other Pikmin glared at Louie.

Purple Pikmin: Way to go, Louie.

Wogpole: Yeah.

Louie: I-I, aww. As much as I dislike him, or admiting that dislike to say I dislike him, I didn't mean to make him _cry. _I better go talk to him…

Yellow Pikmin: Talk to who?

Louie wheeled around.

Louie: Why did you cry like that? You really scared me!

Yellow Pikmin: Oh, I just remembered that sad story Blue Pikmin told us about his life, and I just got all emotional…

Blue Pikmin: …It took you until now to realize that the story made you sad?

Yellow Pikmin: Nope. I realized it in…5...4...3...2...THAT WAS SO SAD! I'm so sorry all that happened to you, Blue Pikmin! Oh, my buddy! I'm here for you, my friend…

He hugged Blue Pikmin. Blue Pikmin hugged back. And when I say "hugged back", what I really mean is that he squeezed the life out of him.

Yellow Pikmin: Wow! He either really likes me, or wants to lob my head off and feed it to an Emperor Bulbax! We'll never know!

Red Pikmin: I think that crystal's affecting him, too. We really should return it. It's an object of great importance in Yellow Pikmin's tribe. Not only that, things keep hitting me when it's around!

Louie: Well I actually think the crystal's kinda fun. As long as bad things only happen to Red Pikmin, I'll keep on liking that little crystal.

A six pack of high caffeine energy drinks was thrown from nowhere and landed in front of Yellow Pikmin's feet. In absolute terror, Louie dived and swiped the pack away before Yellow Pikmin could get a drink of one.

Louie: Okay, I've just decided that that thing is way to dangerous for sane people like me. We need to get rid of it.

Wogpole: Aww, come on, guys! We're assuming to much. Why are we ruling out the possibility that the readers will use the crystal for good?

Blue Pikmin: Uh, maybe it has something to do with the fact that the readers are _EVIL!_

Louie: _Exactly_, so we need to get rid of it.

Yellow Pikmin: Oh, that's okay! We have others.

Wogpole: …What do you mean?

Yellow Pikmin: The crystal that makes up the "Crystal of Random Thingies" is derived from a common mineral in our tribe. We have plenty of them!

Olimar: Well, in that case we shall keep the crystal and study it's strange effects.

Louie: Olimar?

Olimar: Yes Louie?

Louie: I hate you.

They proceeded to the second floor.

Red Pikmin: I still can't believe you stole that crystal, President!

President: Hey! With a name like "The Crystal of Random Thingies", I thought it must be valuable! It sounds like a name that some genius thought up.

Louie: No. It sounds like something that some prepubescent teenager thought up to try to pass as some pathetic excuse for a funny joke in some weird fictional story.

_Don't make me kill you off, Louie! _Anyway, the crew looked around the new cavern. It was filled with many colored flowers.

Olimar: These are Candypop buds. As you can see here, there is one of every color. They are the Crimson, Golden, Lapis Lazuli, Violet, Ivory, and Queen Candypop buds.

White Pikmin: What is Lapis Lazuli?

Louie: Lapis Lazuli is a blue pigment derived from the bright blue gemstone of the same name…Oh, great! Now I sound as geeky as _Olimar_!

Olimar: A theory which I have created is that these flowers are the next step in Pikmin evolution. When one throws a Pikmin of a certain color into a Candypop bud of a different color, then a Pikmin of the color of the Candypop bud will be spawned. It is unknown how this occurs, but wild Pikmin tribes have been noted to grow cultivate these flowers. However, this trait is only present in Purple and White Pikmin. The Queen Candypop bud, however, works a little differently than others. The flower's petals are covered in poka-dots, and these poka-dots change from the colors Red to Blue to Yellow in a matter of seconds. When a Pikmin of any color is thrown into the Queen Candypop bud, then nine of the color of Candypop's current petal color will be spawned. Another interesting thing about the Queen Candypop bud is that you could even throw in the same Pikmin color and still get the desired results! This is not true in other Candypop buds, and will only transform Pikmin that are not their own petal color. Candypop buds can grow in almost any cave environment, but the Queen Candypop bud only grows in caverns with no plausible threats surrounding it. They have also been noted to cover there central disk with there petals whenever a Pikmin is thrown as a way to prevent Pikmin from escaping. This is due to the fact that the petals of the plant contain muscle fibers, just like Pikmin. Until recently, the Violet and Ivory Candypop buds were the only known way to produce Purple and White Pikmin.

Louie: And when he means "recently", he means, uh, like five hours ago!

They proceeded to the next cavern.

The cavern was huge, and there was a light from a hole in the ceiling. There were many Violet Candypop Buds and many Purple Pikmin.

Ship: This must be your tribe, Purple Pikmin.

Purple Pikmin: What was your first clue.

Red Pikmin: Well, their all fat, like you, their all hairy, like you, their all ugly, like you, their all-

Purple Pikmin: Shut up…

Olimar: The largest of all the Pikmin species, Purple Pikmin are also the heaviest. Purple Pikmin on average weigh a whopping 10 grams, ten times heavier than any other Pikmin species. In addition to this, they are also 10 times stronger than the average Pikmin, too. Purple Pikmin have many fringe-like hairs growing out of their bodies. These hairs are used to sense touch and vibration, and Purple Pikmin use them to navigate through their natural habitat, caves. Because of their great weight, wild Purple Pikmin tribes, like this one, hurl themselves at their enemies, crushing or stunning them in the process. This habit is helpful due to the fact that the Purple Pikmin's usual prey are large, cave dwelling animals. Until recently, the only known way that Purple Pikmin could reproduce was by use of the Violet Candypop bud, a plant that Purple Pikmin have been known to cultivate. We now know, thanks to our staff Purple Pikmin, that Purple Pikmin do indeed use Onions, they just simply hide them better than other species.

Purple Pikmin: Alright, you know about my tribe. Now can we please leave?

Wogpole: Uh, if you haven't noticed, we've already been captured.

They all looked to see that they were in a cage and being carried into the tribe.

Blue Pikmin: Great! We were so distracted by Olimar's useless trivia, we didn't even noticed that we were being captured!

They were carried to center of the village, which was near a strange rock formation.

Wild Purple Pikmin 1: You all are trespassing on our land! Be gone!

Louie: …Be gone? If you haven't noticed, were kinda caged here, Einstein.

Wild Purple Pikmin 1: …Oh, yeah. Fine, we'll release you if you promise to never come…to never come…

The wild Pikmin's eye's rested on Purple Pikmin.

Purple Pikmin: …Uh, you were saying something about releasing us?

Wild Purple Pikmin 1: I don't believe it. You've come back. After all of the terrible things you've done, I would have thought it wise to keep low, Henry.

Yellow Pikmin: Oooh! Here comes another juicy surprise!

Wild Purple Pikmin 1: After all, you were the most infamous crime boss in our entire village.

The crew stared at the Wild Pikmin.

Louie: …Okay, I'll believe that Red Pikmin was a tribe leader. I'll accept that Blue Pikmin wasn't always homicidal. I'll even admit that Yellow Pikmin is an Oracle…Okay, I still don't completely buy that. But Purple Pikmin? _A crime boss? _Unless being fat is illegal, Purple Pikmin has never even _broken_ the law, let alone made a _business _out of it!

The Pikmin in the tribe glared angrily at Purple Pikmin, many shouting, many cowering, many hitting their heads against rocks while singing-

White Pikmin: Now is _not_ a good time!

Fair enough. The entire wild Pikmin tribe started chanting. It took a few seconds, but the crew soon could tell what they were saying.

Entire Wild Purple Pikmin Tribe: Blood! Blood! Blood!

Yellow Pikmin: Blood! Blood! Blood!…What? It's a catchy thing to say.

Wild Purple Pikmin 2: For your crimes, you and your friends will be sacrificed to the Onion standing behind me!

Olimar: Yay! I _finally_ get to witness the primitive pagan tribal Pikmin sacrifice!

Blue Pikmin: …What Onion behind you?

The Wild Pik spun around to the strange rock formation behind him and slapped his head. He then pulled on the formation, revealing it to be only a sheet. Under the sheet, was a Purple Onion.

Blue Pikmin: …Aww, _come on_!_ I_ could have hidden it better than _that_!

Wild Purple Pikmin 1: Theft, bribery, fraud, grand larceny, forgery, all these crimes and many more. You are the single most wanted criminal in all of the village, Henry. Did you _honestly _think that you could just walk back in here?

Purple Pikmin: Come one, now. I did those things, not my friends, release them.

The wild Pik only laughed.

Blue Pikmin: Theft? Fraud? _You _Purple Pikmin_? You're a criminal mastermind?_

Purple Pikmin sighed.

Purple Pikmin: Yes.

Blue Pikmin: Oh…my…gosh…That is so…_Awesome_! Dude, that's the strait stuff, man! I had no idea, bro!

Purple Pikmin: Look, it's not something I'm proud of, but yes. I was a major influence in the underground of my village.

Yellow Pikmin: Tee hee…You're the influence of your village's underground, and your village is under the ground!

Louie: Ignoring that last sanity sapping comment, I'm sure that's not the whole story, not that it matters, considering that we're about to be sacrificed.

White Pikmin: Not exactly. It takes at least an hour to prepare the ceremony for the sacrafice.

Olimar: Okay then! That should be enough time for you to explain, right Purple Pikmin?

Purple Pikmin sighed.

Purple Pikmin: At the top of my game, I was very much the mafia in my village. I've never killed anyone, or ordered anyone to be killed, but I did just about everything else. I had a huge number of supporters, and although everyone in the village knew what I was, nobody could prove it. Fame, wealth, power, I had these things in vast quantities. I was unstoppable, but I eventually got cocky. One day, me and my supporters hit one of the village's seed-banks, and we were caught. Not only that, one of my supporters made a deal with the authorities for information in exchange for a lighter sentence. Now, the authorities had proof on everything I had ever done. After a short trial, I was sentenced to execution. It was going to be a huge public event, so it took much longer to set up the ceremony than usual. While they were preparing, I was incarcerated in a Violet Candypop bud prison-cell.

Olimar: Is _that_ what they're used for? Jail-cells?

Purple Pikmin: Yes, and only for the worst criminals…At least in my village. I don't know what other villages do with their Candypop buds.

Louie: Wait a second. If those cells where used to house the worst criminals, and when were trying to repay our debt, that was the only way we could reproduce Purple Pikmin, we were actually…

Purple Pikmin: You had my tribes worst criminals going along with you, yes. And like I was saying, one day, Olimar and Louie appeared and released me from the Candypop bud. So I joined them, in hope to live a new life.

Red Pikmin: Whoa…So you were a super dangerous mafia-classed crime boss…nice.

Louie: And all that time were running around with the worst criminals in your village…nice.

Yellow Pikmin: Teddy bears…nice.

Purple Pikmin: I'm…I'm just so sorry I got you guys into this…

He started to cry into Yellow Pikmin's shoulder, who gave him a hug. Many of the other crewmembers stared, many had tears well up in their own eyes as well, many hit their heads on rocks while-

Yellow Pikmin: Now is _not _the time for silliness.

Louie: …What? Did you just say that there was a time that _wasn't_ for silliness? Yellow Pikmin plus not silliness does not compute, as they say.

Yellow Pikmin: A friend is in emotional distress, and it's my duty as a friend to give him support. And emotional support is _anything _but silly. I've had many friends fall into depression because no one could give them loving support.

Purple Pikmin: (sniff) Thanks, Yellow Pikmin. I feel a lot better now.

Yellow Pikmin: I'm just doing my job. And that job, of course, is to torment everyone I come in contact to until they succumb slowly to crushing, psyche maiming insanity. One of the only times I'm ever serious is when a friend is in need of emotional support.

Louie: …Is there any chance that you could give me emotional support for, you know, life?

President: Well, considering we have about…(checks watch)…15 minutes to live, that's probably not to much to ask.

There was a moment of silence as the crew watched the wild Pikmin prepare an alter to sacrifice them from.

White Pikmin: …Wait! I have an idea!

Ship: What?

White Pikmin: Louie, do you still have those energy drinks the reviewers threw at us?

Louie: Yeah, they're right here. I don't see how- Wait, wait, wait. _No way_. I seriously would rather be sacrificed than give that stuff to Yellow Pikmin.

Wogpole: Come on! How bad could it-

Red Pikmin: Wogpole, you haven't been with us long enough to ask that question.

White Pikmin: It's not like he has to drink all of it, just a sip should do the trick.

Louie looked at Yellow Pikmin, and then looked back at White Pikmin pleadingly.

Louie: Must I?

Blue Pikmin pulled out his weapons.

Blue Pikmin: Either that, or _I'll_ get us out.

Louie thought this over. He eventually decided that it would be better to trust a happy-go-lucky ignoramus with ADHD that's high on energy drinks that a clinically psychotic schizophrenic with a shooting addiction and four big guns. He reluctantly walked over to Yellow Pikmin and gave him a small sip of one of the bottles. Everyone blinked. The bars were gone, the wild Pikmin were tied up, and an escalator had been constructed up to the hole in the ceiling of the cavern. And all in the duration of a blink of an eye. Yellow Pikmin was standing there, watching the stunned looks of his crewmates.

Olimar: Let's see…The average blink is one fortieth of a second, so doing all the things you did must mean…You were moving at a rate of about 180,000 miles per second. That's only 6,282.397 miles per second away from being the speed of light!

Wogpole: What was it like, moving that fast?

Yellow Pikmin: It was like…like a part of me has died, and another part, has just been born…

Louie: And what part died?

Yellow Pikmin: The sane part of me.

Louie: DARN IT! I was hoping that the insane part died…

Ship: Keep dreaming, Louie.

Red Pikmin: Well, we better get up that escalator before the massive girth of Purple Pikmin's tribe breaks the ropes.

President opened his mouth to speak.

Blue Pikmin: No President, you cannot plunder the village… If anyone is going to do that, it's going to be _me!_

They all went up the escalator and into the light.

Wogpole: Did any of you notice that it took us a lot less time to escape Purple Pikmin's tribe than all of the other tribes?

Ship: Don't jinx it, will you?

As they reached the top and got out of the cave, they noticed that they were surrounded by many plants with huge central disks. The disks, they noticed, had numbers on them.

Olimar: These are Pellet Posies. These common flowers have and incredibly fast maturity rate, and grow to full size within the matter of hours! The pellets of the Pellet Posies is actually crystallized nectar, a substance that can only be produced by these flowers. The pellets are used, not only for breeding, but to also store nutrients, much like the rhizome of many plants.

Louie: A rhizome is a huge, swollen root in some plant species that is used to store extra nutrients. A lot of vegtables are actually just a rhizome, like the potato and carrot.

Olimar: These plants are vital to many ecosystems on the planet. They are the staple diet of many species, including bulborbs and Pikmin. Closer analysis of the plants stem has revealed it to contain muscle fibers, much like Candypop buds, Pikmin, and Creeping Chrysanthemums. More about the pellets, it is noted that the plant produces a bigger pellet when grown in nutrient-rich soil. The color of the pellets determine what nutrients are stored in it. If the pellet is red, the pellet is rich in Vitamin A, Blue means it is rich in Vitamin D, and Yellow means it is rich in Vitamin C. Some specimens change colors, showing that they are rich in all three vitamins, but whatever their current color is determines the pellets current composition. The function of the numbers on the pellets are unknown.

President: These are my favorite plants.

Blue Pikmin: Because they can grow huge like you are?

President: No, because they have numbers on them! Just like money…

Olimar: Well, we better get to our last destination, the Ant-Hill Labyrinth.

White Pikmin: Must we?

All Pikmin (Excluding White): YES!

After a short walk, they made it to a cave that resembled a hill, and entered. After walking down a flight of stone steps, they reached a dark cavern. There were White Pikmin and poisonous vents everywhere. They also noticed what looked like a white Onion.

White Pikmin: Look, before we get any closer, take these.

White Pikmin handed out a bunch of large, heavy shields that were made of metal

Ship: What are these?

White Pikmin: They're shields made of Zirconium. I was able to get some during our encounter with the Man-at-Legs. My species has a very powerful tunnel vision, and Zirconium is one of the only metals that tunnel vision can't penetrate. As long as we stay behind these shields, my tribe won't see us.

President: Zirconium, Zirconium…Wait a minute, isn't this that stuff that Ship said was worth $15,000 pokos per pound?

Ship: Yep.

The President started twitching, as if trying to mull over a tough decision in his head. The crew got behind the shields, and Olimar began to speak.

Olimar: White Pikmin are only found in very deep caves. They are the most intelligent of all Pikmin species.

White Pikmin beamed and the other Pikmin scowled.

Olimar: However, they are also the puniest of all Pikmin species physically.

White Pikmin glared and the other Pikmin snickered.

Olimar: The most notable feature of a White Pikmin are it's huge red eyes. These eyes contain over 3,000,000,000,000,000 visual receptors each, more than any other creature known to science by a long shot. This trait allows them a special ability unique only to them, tunnel vision. This unique vision is a mixture of telescopic, night, thermal, and X-ray vision, and is invaluable to these species. It is thought that this trait has evolved due to the fact that the species usually live in deep caves, allowing them perfect vision for navigating these dark caves. Another trait that has evolved from living in caves is there resistance to poison. Leaks of highly toxic gas is a common occurrence in caves, and so White Pikmin have evolved to resist these poisons by containing large amounts of the poisons in their skin. This trait also means that if any animal were to eat one, it would feel the full blunt of the poisons. For years, their tunnel vision has been unexplainable, but in recent years the technique has surfaced. When a White Pikmin uses tunnel vision, it sends free neutrons through it's eyes, and so is able to see through many objects this way. The only things that a White Pikmin's tunnel vision can't see through are metals with a high neutron absorption, such as Hafnium and Zirconium. White Pikmin usually prey on burrowing creatures, first finding them with their tunnel vision, and then burrowing them out with their leafy appendage, which is the strongest limb in all Pikmin species.

President started to shake violently, and then finally snapped.

President: ZIRCONIUM!

The wild White Pikmin turned to see the crewmembers, while the President took everyone's shields. The crew then found themselves surrounded by scrawny-

White Pikmin: _SCRAWNY!?_

Pardon me, _small _Pikmin.

Wild White Pikmin 1: Who are you?

Yellow Pikmin: ……Well? Are you gonna tell me? Come on! Tell me who I am! _DANG IT YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHO I AM! I _MUST _KNOW!_

Wild White Pikmin 1: …

Louie: Don't mind him, he's just getting over being high on energy drink.

Olimar: We're just a bunch of biologists, and we were just studying your habits.

Wild White Pikmin 2: Our species is a valiant supporter of science. You may feel free to watch- …Tony?

The Wild Pikmin stared at White Pikmin.

Wild White Pikmin 2: Tony? Your still alive?

Red Pikmin: Aww, here we go again.

White Pikmin: Look, Devon, I can explain. I had every intention of coming back, really-

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): You've broken your word, Tony, you said you would return in time…Seize them!

The Wild Pikmin came closer.

Blue Pikmin: You wish.

He pulled out his weapons, and then threw them up in the same ritual he did when he met Red Pikmin's tribe. The end result, one enormous four-in-one weapon. He pointed it at the Pikmin known as Devon.

Blue Pikmin: Back off. I'm serious, one more step and the next word you'll utter will be in the next life…

At first the wild Pikmin seemed excited by this challenge, but they soon where demoralized when they saw the insane gleam in Blue Pikmin's eyes.

Wild White Pikmin 3: Look out, Devon! He isn't bluffing!

Wild White Pikmin 4: Yeah! He'd really do it, Devon! Just give up!

The Pikmin named Devon nervously looked at his comrades.

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): Fine. Your lucky, Tony. But we'll get you, some day.

Blue Pikmin laughed.

Blue Pikmin: Yeah, I doubt it.

He fired the Shock Therapist into the air as a sign of victory. This, however, made a rock dislodge from the ceiling and fall on Blue Pikmin's head, knocking him out.

Louie: …Why does it always seem that bad things happen to us when we least need it?

The tribe of White Pikmin laughed.

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): Tough luck, Tony, real tough luck. Get them

They caged the crew and brought them to the white Onion, where they started their preparations.

Wogpole: Can't you come up with any new material?

…No. The White Pikmin known as Devon stared at them through the cage.

Yellow Pikmin: Here it comes!

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): Just look at you, Tony. To think, you were once our tribes most prestigious scientist.

Louie: Scientist? _Scientist? SCIENTIST?_…wait a minute, that's not surprising!

White Pikmin: Look, Devon, I swear to you. I had every intention of returning!

The wild Pikmin didn't seem to hear him.

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): To bad. What's done is done, and you know what happens after that.

Louie: Wait a minute, you can't kill us!

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): Oh? And why not?

Louie: Because Yellow Pikmin here is an Oracle, and you wouldn't kill an Oracle!

The Pik stared at Yellow Pikmin, seemingly analyzing him. and then nodded.

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): Your right. He is an Oracle. Oh well…We'll spare him, but the rest of you are as good as dead.

Louie: …Did I say Yellow Pikmin is the Oracle? What I actually meant to say was that _I'm _the Oracle, so you guys won't have to kill me, but you can kill them if you want!…Please?

The Pik shook his head and started to help prepare the ceremony. Then, President did something.

President: I will pay you to let my friends go. Name your price, but just let them go.

The crew were so stunned that they didn't move. When they recovered, many had tears welling up in their eyes.

Wogpole: (sniff)…You would really do that for us, President?

President nodded.

President: Yeah.

Louie: Giving up money for us…President, that is probably the greatest expression of love and sacrifice you are capable of doing…

Louie, Olimar, and even Yellow Pikmin started to cry at this gesture. The Ship also started to cry, of course it was oil instead of tears. The White Pikmin only laughed at this and started to walk away.

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): Nice try, but bribery will get you nowhere, my friend. I'm sorry, Tony, I truly am, but the tribe comes first. We may have once been lab-partners, but the past is the past, and that's all that can be done.

The Pik then started helping his fellow tribesmen with their preparations.

Yellow Pikmin: Thanks, President. You really _do _have a heart… or at least you did until I sold it on the internet.

Olimar: Well, here we are again. Stuck in cage, only an hour left to live, and one of us has a big story to tell. White Pikmin?

White Pikmin: Alright, alright, I'll tell the stupid story. I was a scientist in my village, and one of the best, at that. I had discovered great things for my people, and my village prospered because of this. One day, however, a terrible sickness overcame my tribe. We lost many of my tribe from this, and the situation quickly became desperate. So, my tribe sent me and four other scientists to go and find a cure. However, before we left, one of the elders gave us a warning. "Come back, with or without the cure, before the end of the month. If you do not, you will be considered as having left the village, and no longer allowed to return". With this in mind, me and my comrades set off to find a cure. We search all four of the great four areas extensively, but we couldn't find what we were looking for. The only places we didn't look in were the caves of the Wistful Wild, for we have heard terrible stories of the creatures that dwell there. On the 20th night, we decided to start heading back to the village in the morning. So, we went to one of the least violent caves, found an Ivory Candypop bud, and used that for a tent to sleep in.

President: Is that what White Pikmin do with Candypop Buds?

White Pikmin nodded, looking a little annoyed.

White Pikmin: Yes. It was still early in the morning when we were awoken, and it was by none other that Olimar and Louie. At first, we followed them only because we thought they were the great ones, not realizing that we were quickly losing time. Eventually, however, we learned that they were headed for the Wistful Wild. We knew that Olimar and Louie were very good fighters, and so we thought they might be able to lead us through the Wistful Wild caves safely. They did, and we found the missing ingredient. However, we found it exactly 32 days after we had set out, and so the deadline had passed. Since we couldn't return to our tribe, we decided to stay with Olimar, Louie, and the President, who joined up with us when we went to the Wistful Wilds. You know the rest.

Ship: What happened to your tribe?

White Pikmin: I heard from other wild Pikmin that my tribe eventually found the cure for the disease themselves, and so they survived.

Louie: Unfourtuantaly.

Blue Pikmin woke up.

Blue Pikmin: They think they can just- hey…Hey! WHERE ARE MY WEAPONS?

A wild Pikmin heard this and smiled cruelly through the bars. He held up (with difficulty) Blue Pikmin's four-in-one weapon.

Wild White Pikmin 5: Looking for these?

Blue Pikmin: You…You, _monster! _

Wild White Pikmin 5: And just to be safe, we've also taken your strange drinks, your strange metal stick, and your lunches!

Yellow Pikmin: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wild White Pikmin 5: Yes! Now you will all die on an empty belly! Muhahahaha!…Wow, that was fun! I got be evil more often.

He resumed working to help his tribe with the ceremony.

Red Pikmin: Great! Not only have they taken our energy drinks, but they also took the weapons, the light-watchamacallit-

Blue Pikmin: Light-_saber_! Not knowing the name of such a PWN-erific weapon is nothing lower than _blasphemy! _

Red Pikmin: Wasn't asking you, Mr. Weapons'R'Us! As I was saying, they also took my lunch!

Louie: …So?

Red Pikmin: Do you know what my lunch was? It was going to be the leftovers of the Crawbster claw you cooked yesterday.

Louie: _WHAT!? _Those…Those _evil _plants! Stealing fine cuisine like that, what kind of sick people live here? I feel sorry for anyone who was raised in this dump.

White Pikmin: …I hate you, Louie.

Louie: Shut up, that's my line.

The crew sat and thought. Time passed, and soon there was only 5 minutes left. The crew had all given up. All, except, Wogpole.

Wogpole: Hey, Mr. Devon?

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): What is it, fish?

He said this with spite, but Wogpole ignored his. He had a plan.

Wogpole: Say, would you mind giving me a last request?

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): That depends.

Wogpole: Since you guys are _so _much smarter than us, would you mind translating this one word for me? I came across this word not to long ago, and before I die I would like to know what it means.

Red Pikmin: But Wogpole, you can speak _any_-

Louie quickly covered Red Pikmin's mouth.

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): I must say, I respect a guy who wishes to put his questions at ease before his death. Very well, I will translate for you.

Wogpole: What does _dissolutus _mean?

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): Why, that is easy! It from a language that is called Latin, and the word you asked me about is translated as either weak, vulnerable, or scrawny.

White Pikmin snapped up.

White Pikmin: …What…did you say?

Wild White Pikmin (Devon): I said, Tony, that the word is translated as weak, vulnerable or scrawny.

At that moment, White Pikmin temporarily lost all sanity. He foamed at the mouth, and started to shudder all over.

White Pikmin: _**SCRAWNY?! I'LL **_**SHOW **_**YOU SCRAWNY!**_

White Pikmin attacked the cage with a strength that one only gets when they lose their mind. The workers stopped to stare at White Pikmin. Suddenly, White Pikmin charged and brutally beat the wild Piks unconscious. After he did this, stared around blankly.

White Pikmin: What happened.

Yellow Pikmin: You just missed it! Some crazy White Pikmin who look just like you beat everyone up!

White Pikmin: Really?

Louie: …Yep. That pretty much sums it up. Now, Olimar, can we finally get back to the Ship?

……

The crew were all in front of the Ship's main chassis, and were discussing today's events.

Olimar: Well, gang, wasn't that a great adventure?

Louie: For once, I have to agree with him. Everyone did some heroic deed today. Olimar took down all those Blue Pikmin…Well, not really, but he _did _make the robot that did beat them up. Red Pikmin was willing to sacrifice himself for all of us when we met his tribe, and Blue Pikmin got us away from them. President actually was willing to give up money for us! The Ship risked getting caught by retrieving Blue Pikmin's weapon, and Wogpole, not only tried to save us from the Crysanthemum, but came up with an escape plan to! I actually got over my fear of giving Energy drinks to Yellow Pikmin, White Pikmin came up with an escape plan, and Purple Pikmin was also willing to sacrifice himself! And even Yellow Pikmin, he was the one that allowed us to escape from Purple Pikmin's tribe!

Ship: Whoa, this was a pretty dramatic episode.

Olimar: I must agree. Maybe…maybe we could do this every episode!

Red Pikmin: Yeah! Instead of acting like our normal, goofy selves, we can act all heroic and dramatic! Our show will become a drama!

Louie: Yeah! And the only requirment for that would be to give the funniest character the…most…lines…

The crew all looked over at Yellow Pikmin, who was still wondering how the Ship could "look" at him.

Louie: …Okay, tomorrow we forget any of this happened. We go on, no tribal names, no memories of heroic deeds, and definetly, _definitely _no extra lines for Yellow Pikmin. Agreed?

Everyone: Agreed.

Just then, the crew noticed that all five Pikmin armies where starting to approach them.

Wild Red Pikmin: Jason, you traitor!

Wild Blue Pikmin: You won't get away, Thomas, you murderer!

Wild Purple Pikmin: Your going down, Henry.

Wild White Pikmin: This is the end, Tony!

Female Wild Yellow Pikmin: Jamie, wait! You still have to date me!

The crew screamed and clamored on to the Ship, which rocketed off into the sky.

Wild Red Pikmin: Aww! They got away!

Wild Blue Pikmin: So…What do we do now?

Female Wild Yellow Pikmin: …Who want's to date me?

The Pikmin tribes then started to fight over who would date the Pik.

Female Wild Yellow Pikmin: (whispers) Wanna know the funniest thing? I'm a guy!…at least I think I am…I'll have to hit my head on a rock while singing the theme of "Good Times" to remember.

He/she/it/whatever did just that, while the Pikmin tribes fought over absolutely nothing.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And so ends the dramatic conclusion of my dramatic trilogy of dramatic episodes…dramatically! Now, review or die! I seriously need a break from all these chapters, so I won't be writing this Thanksgiving, however, I'll continue my quest of making fics once the holiday is over. Also, if you simply _must _throw something through the fourth wall, make sure it's appropriate, okay? Here is the scientific names!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Scientific Names**

Purple Pikmin- "Violet Pikmin"

White Pikmin- "Snowy Pikmin"

Pellet Posie- "Ample Nourishment"

Crimson Candypop bud- "Red Flower"

Golden Candypop bud- "Yellow Flower"

Lapis Lazuli Candypop bud- "Blue Flower"

Ivory Candypop bud- "White Flower"

Violet Candypop bud- "Purple Flower"

Queen Candypop bud- "Queen Flower"


	9. Don't Be Buggin' Part 1

-1I got some reviews that sent messages via the crystal to the crew. This is fine, but be warned! Messages rarely go through the crystal, and when they do, their _never _the same as they were originally written! So you may have a hard time picking out whether or not your message got through. On another note, I've been breaking the fourth wall far to many times per chapter! I'm going to be a little more stingy on what gets to the crystal. And on another note, _the poll is open! _Just enter my profile and vote for your favorite "Know the Beasts" character! Chapter ahoy! **Warning, multiple parodies!**

**Don't Be Buggin' Part 1**

The Ship touched down and everyone got out. Everyone was exhausted. Ever since they had come into possession of the crystal previously owned by Yellow Pikmin's tribe, weird things had been happening. Computer crashes, missing explorer equipment, attacks by bulbax that knew karate, expensive long distance phone calls, just sick, sick stuff. Not only that, they were being increasingly tormented by the threat of random objects appearing out of nowhere and striking them. None of them had been able to sleep last night because of this, and everyone was cranky.

Yellow Pikmin: Good morning world! I'm just so happy that another _beautiful_ day has come to bless the landscape of this planet!

Louie: I had hamster like him once. Ended up eating its own head.

Red Pikmin: Aww…I couldn't sleep at all last night. That stupid crystal, why can't we just get rid of it?

Purple Pikmin then walked out, with the crystal in a handheld cage he was holding.

Blue Pikmin: Why do you have the crystal in a cage?

Purple Pikmin: …It growled at me.

Wogpole: …Seriously? Maybe something's wrong. Let me talk to it.

The young amphibian then growled in strange way. The crystal then broke out of the cage and started to maul Wogpole.

Wogpole: Ahhh! Stop it! This can't happen to _me! _I'm _CUTE!_

Louie: So is Yellow Pikmin, but that didn't stop that slug from eating him, or that wraith from running over him.

Wogpole threw the crystal out of his bowl.

White Pikmin: Hey, how can you throw the crystal out of your bowl if you don't have any arms? Come to think of it, how can the crystal maul you if it doesn't have any claws? And also, how can the crystal growl if-

Everyone: SHUT UP!

Purple Pikmin: Okay, look. We're obsessing over that thing to much. How about this, before Olimar wakes up, we'll pick some sap to care for the crystal until Olimar says it's okay to destroy it. Hopefully, it'll only do bad things to that person.

Louie: I nominate Yellow Pikmin.

Ship: I second that.

Blue Pikmin: Third it.

White Pikmin: It's settled! Yellow Pikmin, you have the responsibility of taking care of the crystal.

Yellow Pikmin: Wow! You guys haven't given me responsibility of anything since you left me in charge of Blue Pikmin's weapons!

Blue Pikmin: Made the headlines, too. "Gun crazy yellow thing destroys all that is sane".

Louie: The title was appropriate.

Blue Pikmin picked up the crystal.

Blue Pikmin: Hey, wait a minute. There's writing on this crystal. Hold on, I'll read it…Serial number 666...Date of production, September 11th…location of production, the Indian Burial Ground-Hill factory… owned by Evil Eye Inc. …run by Mr. Devi L. aka Sata N. , CEO …For more information, visit none of that seems too odd.

Louie: …Either that was a very clever sarcastic comment, or an incredibly stupid statement.

Blue Pikmin: Well, it was little of both. Mostly the stupid part.

He handed Yellow Pikmin the crystal, who put it in his pocket. Just then, Olimar emerged from the ships main chassis.

Olimar: Ah! Another day, another dollar.

President: DOLLAR!?

He started to maul Olimar.

Louie: Yay!

President: Hey, you don't have a dollar! _YOU LIED TO ME!_

He started to maul Olimar harder.

Red Pikmin: Shouldn't we help him?

Louie: You do and I'll tear your nose off.

Red Pikmin: My nose? But I can't snort the good stuff without it!

He pulled out a Pik-sized box of Lucky Charms and snorted it.

Red Pikmin: Ooooh yeah. _That's_ the good stuff

Eventually President stopped mauling Olimar, much to Louie's disappointment, and the group started to head off. Yellow Pikmin was about to follow when he heard something.

Strange voice: Hey!

Yellow Pikmin looked around.

Yellow Pikmin: Hello?

Crystal: Hey! Down here! In your pocket, stupid!

Yellow Pikmin: …My pocket is talking to me… Aww, man! I thought I was over this problem!

Crystal: I'm not in your mind.

Yellow Pikmin: Then…are you in my gut?

Crystal: NO! I'm in your pocket!

Yellow Pikmin: …Are you a wocket?

Crystal: Of course I'm no- wait, what's a wocket?

Yellow Pikmin: You know, a wocket in my pocket. Like in the book.

Crystal: JUST LISTEN TO ME! I'm calling you from another dimension-

Yellow Pikmin: A dimension of pocket people?

Crystal: …Look, I'm the one who threw those weapons at Red Pikmin!

Yellow Pikmin: Yeah, and Blue Pikmin was really jealous about that.

Crystal: Okay, I'm just a messenger. I, as an object of great power, can act as a bridge between this world and the world of your viewers, get it? Now, as my message was saying, I'm here to help you-

Yellow Pikmin: With my homework?

Crystal: NO! With your quest!

Yellow Pikmin: Yeah, but my mommy said never to accept help from inter-dimensional pocket people...Except Franky Mueinez, my mommy says he's okay.

Crystal: TO BAD! YOUR GETTING HELP, YOU HEAR ME?

Yellow Pikmin: Yikes! Whatever you say, pocket dude!

The crew were waiting for Yellow Pikmin.

Louie: Hey! What's the hold up?

Yellow Pikmin: I'm getting in touch with my inner pocket!

Ship: …I knew we shouldn't have given him the crystal.

Blue Pikmin: No you didn't.

White Pikmin: Hey, how can Yellow Pikmin have a pocket?

The others ignored him and his paradoxical question.

Olimar: Okay, today we're looking for bugs.

Wogpole: …Bugs?

Olimar: Bugs.

Purple Pikmin: Bugs?

Olimar: Yes, bugs.

Louie: …Just bugs?

Olimar: Yes, just bugs.

White Pikmin: …Okay…Any particular bugs?

Olimar: Nope. Just any bugs will do.

Louie: …Olimar, you do realize that pretty much 99.99999999 percent of all animals on this _planet _are bugs, right?

Olimar: Yes, I am aware of that. What's your point?

White Pikmin: So, when you say "we're looking for bugs", your basically saying were looking for anything.

Olimar: Yep.

Purple Pikmin: …

Louie: …

Blue Pikmin: …

Ship: …

Wogpole: …

Yellow Pikmin: ………AHHH! I've gone deaf! I can't hear what anyone's saying!

Louie: If only it were true…

Olimar: Now, now, let's not have get all worked up over this. We're going to be searching for bugs, but were looking for bugs we haven't explained about before. Any questions? No?

White Pikmin: Well actually, I was wondering how-

Olimar: Okay! On we go!

They entered the nearby cave. The group was walking through the entrance tunnel, while Yellow Pikmin stayed a little while behind.

Yellow Pikmin: …Really?…Oh…Cool…Hey! That's not nice! …Okay, I'll be good. Your pretty bossy for a pocket, you know.

Louie: Olimar? I'm worried about Yellow Pikmin.

Olimar: Well, I have noticed he's been acting a little strange late- Did you just say you were worried about _Yellow Pikmin_?… Is this a setup or something? Is Ashton Kutcher gonna jump out and say that I've been punk'd?

Louie: That little nut has always been weird-

Olimar: Yes, you'd think he would have something better to do than humiliate people on TV.

Louie: Huh? _No! _Not Ashton Kutcher, I'm talking about Yellow Pikmin! He's never talked to himself before. I think his own infuriating personality is finally catching up with him…and about that comment about Ashton Kutcher humiliating people on TV, Olimar, we do that too.

Olimar: It's probably like that time he tried to steal people's shoes… Yellow Pikmin, I mean, not Ashton Kutcher. Just a phase, an annoying and pointless phase maybe, but still just a phase. After all, he's one of the youngest members of the crew, almost as young as Wogpole. Yet for all of his immaturity, he's still one of the most respected conservation specialists in the scientific community, which is why he's on the crew. Why are you so worried?

Louie: Yellow Pikmin is the most insane non-insane person I've ever met. Now, imagine how insane he'll be if he actually _is _insane.

Olimar: Don't say such things, Louie, I won't be able to sleep at night! But think about it. Yellow Pikmin is always insane in some new way everyday. Maybe he's just doing a really good job of it today. It's sort of like how Red Pikmin's intelligence, Blue Pikmin's homicid-yness, my common sense, Purple Pikmin's patheticness, and your sanity varies every day.

Louie: Maybe your right, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit …Oh, and if you tell anyone that I'm worried about Yellow Pikmin, I'll-

Olimar: You'll kill me, feed my body to predator, then kill that predator and feed it's body to another predator, and so on so you can kill me in endless cycle of feeding and killing. I know the story, Louie.

Louie: Okay, okay. Just wanted to make sure you knew.

They arrived at the first cavern. The floor was covered in giant eggs and, crawling around them, were a group of scurrying bugs.

Olimar: This is a good place to start. These are Mitites, a group of four-legged insects. These insects are endoparasites of eggs.

Louie: Endoparasites are parasites that feed from inside what ever it's feeding on, like tape and heart worms.

Olimar: The female of the species give off a certain pheromone that attracts the female of the host species. The female Mitite then enter the hosts body and lays it's eggs inside it's host's eggs. When the young Mitite hatch, they eat the egg from the inside. Another interesting note is that the pheromones that the female give off drive Pikmin species into a frenzied state.

Olimar stopped talking to see the Pikmin running around crazily.

Wogpole: …What are they doing?

Louie: I don't know. It's a Pikmin thing.

Olimar whistled. The Pikmin immediately stopped and looked dreamily.

Red Pikmin: Such a pretty sound…

White Pikmin: Nice…

Blue Pikmin: I actually don't feel like killing anything right now…

President: Uh, Olimar? I think you broke them…Hey, maybe we could get a refund…

Louie: Nah. Remember the last time we tried that?

**Flashback**

Olimar: Uh, yeah. These Pikmin are defective. We want to return them.

Store Clerk: Okay then! No problem! Customer satisfaction is our number one priority.

Louie: Are you sure? These Pikmin are pretty wily.

Store Clerk: Of course I'm sure! What could happen?

……

The Next Day

……

The crew was at the store clerk's funeral.

Priest: We gather here in the memory of…of…well, some random store clerk. Although his cause of death is unknown…_cough _Pikmin Attack _cough_… we can all hope that he's in a better place now…

Store Clerk: …Dude, I'm right here.

Priest: …Oh…Your still paying for this, by the way. Life insurance didn't cover everything.

Store Clerk: NOOO! CURSE YOU, PRESDENT BUSH! _CURSE YOU!_

**End Flashback**

President: Oh yeah…

The Pikmin were still dazed.

Purple Pikmin: …What could have made such a pretty-

He and the other Pikmin snapped out of their dream-like state.

Purple Pikmin: Olimar! You know we hate it when you do that!

Blue Pikmin: Man…I feel like…I feel like for a few seconds I actually didn't want to kill anything…and now I feel like I need to kill something, like, right now.

Everyone took a step back from the kamikaze Pik.

Yellow Pikmin: So very, very pretty…

Ship: Yellow Pikmin?… Hmm, why is he still stuck like that?

Yellow Pikmin: What do you mean? I'm always like this. Always have and always will…So very pretty…

Louie: That doesn't stop me from hoping.

Blue Pikmin took out the Comedy Bomb and fumigated the area of the Mitites. After this, the group progressed to the next cavern. The ground seemed to boil, with tiny animals sticking there heads out. There seemed to be two types, one that was pink, and one that was purple.

Olimar: These are male and female Sheargrubs. These burrowing creatures have two distinct traits that sets them apart from other bugs. While most insects have six legs and wings, the Sheargrubs have _no _legs and _no _wings. The pink females have feed on the lymphatic tissues of plants-

Louie: …Don't look at me, I'm on translation hiatus.

Olimar: While the purple males feed on Pikmin species. They wait in the ground and grab any Pikmin passing by.

The crew watched the bugs for a few more moments, and then left to the next cavern, with Blue Pikmin fumigating the area once again. In this cavern there was a group of flying insects above them. One group consisted of a series of brown insects, and the other consisted of blue insects.

Olimar: These are snitchbugs. The brown ones are Swooping Snitchbugs and the blue are Bumbling Snitchbugs. Both are flying carnivores, both use antenna to fly instead of wings, that generally prey on skitter bugs, and both also share a unique trait; They both love to pick things up and throwing them down. Now, The Swooping Snitchbugs prefer to pick up Pikmin, and Bumbling Snitchbugs prefer hesitations, but if neither are available, they will also pick up other beings. Both species, it seems, only pick up incredibly insane, stupid, and pathetic creatures. They seemed to have evolved from shearwigs, due to their similar appearance and behavior, and the fact that they were once a ground dwelling species.

A few of the Snitchbugs approached, causing everyone to get ready to run. However, the bugs just floated there.

White Pikmin: …Why aren't they attacking us? If their supposed to attack stupid, insane, pathetic people, you'd think that they'd be swarming us!

Ship: Wogpole, why don't you ask them?

Wogpole started to make a series of buzzing sounds, and in which the bugs buzzed back.

Wogpole: They say that they can't decide which one of us to take, since all of us are extremely proficient in at least one of the three requirements.

Louie: That would explain it…Hey! I'm not stupid or insane!

White Pikmin: But you _are _pathetic.

Louie: …I know…

The bugs then began buzzing again.

Wogpole: Oh, wait, they've decided who they want to take.

A Swooping Snitchbug grabbed Blue Pikmin and Yellow Pikmin while a Bumbling Snitchbug swooped down and grabbed Olimar and President. The two bugs, along with the rest of their groups, then flew away.

Louie: Please tell me that I am not dreaming. Please tell me that two bugs just grabbed the four most annoying people in my life and flew away with them. Please, _please_ tell me that they may never be found again.

Purple Pikmin: Yep, that pretty much covers it.

Ship: Great. In one move, we've lost our common sense-deprived tour guide, our greedy financial supporter, our homicidal security official, _and_ our oblivious conservation expert…This is the greatest day of my life!

White Pikmin: This is most certainly _not _great! Now all we have is a whinny ship, a needy translating fish-

Wogpole: _**FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M AN **_**AMPHIBIAN **_**YOU SICK BAST-**_

White Pikmin: -a super handsome geologist/meteorologist/glaciologist/speleologist-

Louie: A speleologist is someone who studies caves and other- _why am I still translating_!…Hey, I didn't know you had an ego, White Pikmin.

White Pikmin: -a sarcastic scientific-lingo master, a semi-invulnerable danger-evasion expert, and a fat archeological historian!

Purple Pikmin: _Hey_! I'm not fat! I'm just big barked, that's all.

Wogpole: More like thick headed.

Purple Pikmin: Nobody asked your opinion, fish stick!

Ship: Hey, hey! That's overstepping it, Purple Pikmin.

Red Pikmin: Said the floating piece of steel. Hey, Mr. Supercomputer, what's the similarity between a 'B' and a 'D'?

The Ship started to spark and smoke at this.

White Pikmin: Red Pikmin, knock it off! You know computers can't think in a linear manner.

The argument escalated rapidly.

Purple Pikmin: Shut up, White Pikmin! That was- Louie, what are you doing?

Louie was holding a video camera.

Louie: I'm making an autobiographical documentary called "Idiots who fight".

Ship: Can it, Louie! This isn't the time! Man, maybe it _isn't _so great that those guys are gone.

Purple Pikmin: Maybe we should try to find where they are.

Louie: Are you insane? We don't need them. We're free men, boys!…And the ship.

Ship: Hey! I am 100 percent man, pal!

White Pikmin: Actually, your 53 percent carbon, 21 percent iron, 25.9 percent oxygen, and .1 percent gold plating.

Red Pikmin: Ah ha! I knew it wasn't real gold!

Ship: Oh, well look at mister big eyes! Mr. I-can-see-through-solid-walls-guy! Well, you scra-

All: NOOO!

Ship: …scrappy little twit, why don't you put those big eyes to use and find where the others are?

White Pikmin: Fine!

The small, scra-…ppy Pikmin opened his eyes, showing bright red completely red eyes instead of his usual white eyes and black pupils, showing that he was using his tunnel vision. After a few minutes of scanning, he sighed.

White Pikmin: …Purple Pikmin? You're an archeologist, are we anywhere near a meteor landing site?

Purple Pikmin: Actually yes. It's very nearby from here.

White Pikmin: Well, that explains it. Most meteors have an extremely high Zirconium content, and when they crash, a fine powder given off from the meteor blankets the surrounding landscape. This cave is covered in Zirconium-rich dust, and my tunnel vision can't work properly here due to Zirconium's high neutron absorption.

Wogpole: Great! _Now _what are we going to do to find those-

Crystal: Hello?-_static-_Hello? Is anyone there?

The remaining crew looked over to see the crystal that they gave Yellow Pikmin was on the ground.

Louie: Oh, _great!_ Now we have to lug _that _stupid thing around with us.

Crystal: (Olimar's voice) Louie?-_static-_ Louie, is that you?

Red Pikmin: Good God, that crystal ate Olimar!……Woohoo!

Crystal: (Olimar's voice) Guys! I'm so glad this works! Oh, hold on, Yellow Pikmin wants to talk to you.

Louie shook his head and picked up the crystal, surprised to see that it was cut clean in half.

Crystal: (Yellow Pikmin's voice) My friends! This is great! Now I can talk to you no matter where you go or what you do! We can just talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and steal stuff, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and-

Louie: Blue Pikmin, see one of you weapons? I need to shoot myself.

Crystal: (Blue Pikmin's voice) ……I'm not there you near-idiot!

Crystal: (Yellow Pikmin's voice) You see, my cool pocket friend told me that if I split him in half and left one part to you guys, I'd be able to contact you!

Louie: What!&? Why would it do that!

Crystal: (regular voice) Because I'm evil. Duh.

Wogpole: …Guess we should have taken that writing more seriously, huh?

Crystal: (Blue Pikmin's voice) Hello? You jerks had better come and find us, right now!

Ship: …Yeah, calling us jerks _really _makes us want to come save you.

Crystal: (Olimar's voice) You guys would just leave us alone to die?

Louie: Yes.

Red Pikmin: Mmm-hmm

Purple Pikmin: No problems here.

Ship: Sure.

White Pikmin: Of course.

Wogpole: …What? I just joined, I can't make that decision.

Crystal: (Regular voice) I can! Yes, we all want to leave you here.

Crystal: (Olimar's voice) _Sigh…_at least we have Louie's cooking supplies, so we won't die of starvation.

Louie: _**YOU STOLE MY COOKING SUPPLIES!?**_

Crystal: (Olimar's voice) Well, actually Blue Pikmin took them so he could make some repairs to his weapons. Hasn't had the chance to do it yet, considering he dropped all of his weapons when we were taken.

The splinter crew looked over to find the four uber-weapons lying on the ground.

Crystal: (Blue Pikmin's voice) Thank you, I think their really kick -_static- _weapons, too!

Red Pikmin: Where are you guys?

Crystal: ( Yellow Pikmin's voice) Oh, were still in the scary thing's claws.

The crystal then buzzed like the insects that had taken them.

Wogpole: I think those bugs just said, "Why did we pick these idiots up? There more annoying than there worth, let's drop them" and then the other one just said "Sure".

The crystal emitted a high pitched scream resembling little girls who just saw a spider, and then a dull thud.

Crystal: (President's voice) OWW! I wouldn't do that again even if someone paid me!

Louie: Yes you would.

Crystal: (Presidents voice) You got that right.

White Pikmin: Well, since Louie insists it, we'll leave them in this-

Louie: I've changed my mind. Let's go get them.

Wogpole: …Huh? Why?

Louie: Those idiots have my cooking supplies! How am I gonna be able to cook without them?

Ship: Well, you have Blue Pikmin's weapons, and I'm pretty sure you could use the Flame Cannon to cook something.

Louie: I've already tried that. How do you think I lost my eyebrows?

Ship: Hotocatians don't have eyebrows.

Louie: Shut up, ship.

The crew ran off in the direction of the entrance to the next cavern.

Wogpole: Whoa!…Hey! Ship! Could you float a little slower? Your spilling my bowl!

……

Olimar, President, Blue Pikmin, and Yellow Pikmin were walking around hopelessly. Without White Pikmin's spelunking navigation skills, the Ship' internal GPS, or Wogpole's ability to ask for directions, they couldn't seem to find anywhere that looked remotely familiar.

Blue Pikmin: Aww, man! Without White Pikmin's spelunking navigation skills, the Ship's internal GPS, or Wogpole's ability to ask-

I already went over that, stupid.

Blue Pikmin: Well! _Excuse _me! Please, _pardon _my intrusion! If your so smart, answer this! Who here got a vote for favorite character on the show? Hmm, let me think, uh, me! How many votes did you get, huh? How many votes did the guy who writes stuff get?

I'm not even on the ballot. In fact, the ballot only just opened on my profile.

Blue Pikmin: You didn't answer my question. How many votes did you get?

…_sniff_…None…(sobs uncontrollably)…

Yellow Pikmin: There, there, creepy post-pubesant teenager guy who writes horrible, random, parody-riddled fictions about things that other people came up with. If it makes you feel better, I didn't get any votes either.

Olimar: Yes you did. In fact, your in the lead.

Yellow Pikmin: I'm winning? OH YEAH! Take that you lazy pieces of pie! You sons of biscuits! You mother-huggers!

Yellow Pikmin kept on ranting.

Blue Pikmin: …Funny little tree-hugger, ain't he?

The crew continued to move on, from cavern to cavern, not seeing a single life form…until…

……

The splinter-group, so dubbed, was walking through the caverns, taking extra caution to try to track the faint trails of the flying insects, (Which was, of course, difficult considering that the insects didn't actually leave tracks). Suddenly, as they entered one cavern, they faced a difficult conundrum. There was a bug in the room.

Red Pikmin: ……Well, aren't you gonna talk about this bug Oli-….Oh yeah…What are we gonna do? Unfortunately, "them" are still watch our every move like the sick weirdos they are.

The bug looked turned around and looked at them, revealing it's leaf-like flatness.

Louie: Well, I'm the second most qualified scientist on the crew, so I guess I'll do it.

Louie grudgingly moved in front of the screen with the but, grimacing while he started to speak.

Louie: This is a Skitter Leaf. A relative of the pond skater, it has evolved out of it's wings and it's ability to water skate. Instead, it has evolved to look like leaf, to prevent predation…Hey! That was kinda fun! No wonder Olimar does this all the time!

Ship: Oh no…He's gone to the dark side of the job.

Red Pikmin: He has?

Ship: You know what we have to do.

Red Pikmin: Right. Give him Blue Pikmin's light saber so he can kill Jar-Jar Binks.

Wogpole: What!? Why? I actually liked Jar-Jar Binks.

Ship: Maybe that's because you are one of the few people who can, how can I put this, _understand _what he's saying.

Wogpole: Fair enough.

They moved on to the next cavern.

……

Olimar and the rest of the second splinter group had just entered a room with a giant rock in the middle of the room. At least they thought it was…

Yellow Pikmin: Hey, that rock is moving! And it's breathing! And look, it has a head! Eyes, too!

President: Wow, that's one special rock.

Yellow Pikmin: Hmm…it looks so familiar…like some sort of obese, rock-looking, long lost half-brother…

Blue Pikmin: It's alive?…Kill…kill…

Olimar got out a spray bottle and spritzed him.

Olimar: No. Bad crazy Pikmin, bad-stay! Stay!…Good boy.

President: What should we do with it? I think we should sell it.

Blue Pikmin: I think we should behead it and mount it over a fireplace.

Olimar: I think we should dissect it and classify its internal organs.

Yellow Pikmin: I think we should sell it.

President: I said that!

Yellow Pikmin: …Who said what?

President: I said that!

Yellow Pikmin: …So, you said "that"?

President: No! I said that I said that!

Yellow Pikmin: So, you said "that", you said "that"?

President: No, I said-

The creature attacked.

……

The crew continued walking through a series of mostly empty caverns, not seeing anything worthy of attention, still on their search for their missing comrades and, more importantly, Louie's cooking supplies. As they were walking, Louie suddenly went rigid.

Louie: Wait. I feel…I feel as if something wonderful has happened.

Red Pikmin: We're actually going to be paid for this episode?

Purple Pikmin: They've found a cure for fatness?

White Pikmin: They've invented a workout exercise that doesn't require any effort?

Wogpole: Bush has been impeached?

Ship: We've been fired?

Louie: No…No, I think…that the others have been eaten…

Red Pikmin: Oh! Well that's pretty good news, I guess…Hey! You're a little young to know about politics, Wogpole.

White Pikmin: …Yeah, who's Bush?

They tackled him.

……

The second splinter group, consisting of Olimar, the President, Blue Pikmin, and Yellow Pikmin, were in the belly of the beast, literally. They were, however, not alone. They were trapped along with many other being who had been eaten by giant creatures.

Pinocchio: -and that's how I was eaten, and that's why I'm here at Eaten Alive Anonymous.

Everyone in the stomach clapped.

Boba Fett: God, your boring.

He shot Pinocchio and blew him to bits.

Quint: So, what were you newbie's eaten by? I was eaten by a shark.

Lawyer: I was eaten by a T. Rex at a Dinosaur theme park. Ate me while I was on the toilet!

Boba Fett: I was eaten by some weird desert mouth thing.

Pinocchio: I was eaten by a whale.

Boba Fett shot him again.

Boba Fett: Shut up.

Blue Pikmin: Hey, I like this guy!

Yellow Pikmin eagerly raised his hand.

Yellow Pikmin: We were eaten by a bug!

There was a moment of silence.

Quint: …That's it? A bug?

President: Yep. A bug.

Boba Fett: Well, was it at least some really cool giant bug?

Olimar: Not really. It was had a square body and looked cute.

Another moment of silence.

Lawyer: …Yeah, we're going to have to ask you to leave.

Olimar: Why?

Boba Fett: This meeting is only for people who were eaten by cool things…and Pinocchio because he brought snacks.

Blue Pikmin: …Well, we can't just leave. We're trapped in this stomach.

Boba Fett: Fine. Then we'll leave once the scene ends….Wait for it….Wait for it….Thank you.

……

The first splinter group were walking around, still searching for Louie's cooking supplies, and the idiots who currently had them. As they were walking into yet another passage, they noticed a weird, round, colorful object in the ground. Two huge eye-like markings were on it.

Red Pikmin: Hey, I wonder what that thing is?

Purple Pikmin: Well, it's big, has scary eyes, and looks like an intimate object, so it must be-

Red Pikmin: Rosie O' Donald!

White Pikmin: …Who's-

Louie: White Pikmin, I swear to all that is holy, if you don't stop bringing up every paradoxical statement that is said, I will personally cave your skull in and eat whatever drips out… Oh my gosh! I'm turning as homicidal as Blue Pikmin!

Crystal (Blue Pikmin's voice): I heard that, Louie! And I must say…That I agree with you.

Louie: Shut up.

Crystal (Blue Pikmin's voice): Make me! There's nothing you can do that can possibly upset a hardened warrior like me.

Louie: We lost your weapons.

Crystal (Blue Pikmin's voice): WHAT!? NOOOOOOOOO! Why!? …_sobs_…WHY!?

Ship: Whoa! Calm down, Blue Pikmin! We were just kidding!

Crystal (Blue Pikmin's voice): Oh, I know that. It's just that this stomach acid is starting to burn my legs off……Yes, it hurts.

Wogpole: You were eaten?… Again?

Crystal (Blue Pikmin's voice): No! I was not! I was just happened to have slipped into a big bug's mouth and accidentally get stuck in its stomach, stupid! Don't you know the difference?

Louie: …Okay, I have just one question. Is Yellow Pikmin with you?

Crystal (Blue Pikmin's voice): Yes.

Louie: Is he being digested at this very moment?

Crystal (Blue Pikmin's voice): Yes.

Crystal (Yellow Pikmin's voice): Is he super sexy and cool and awesome?

Crystal (Blue Pikmin's voice): Yes…Hey, wait a minute!

Louie threw the crystal up into the air, which by some strange coincidence happened to be caught by a passing Bumbling Snitchbug.

White Pikmin: What the- Louie! Why did you do that!? We could have used that to help us find the others!

Louie: Maybe, but that would also mean that we would have listened to their rambling even longer.

Red Pikmin: You can't argue with that logic. I wonder if-

The thing that they had seen and ignored for the last fifteen minutes grabbed Purple Pikmin and ate him.

Wogpole: Oh my gosh! They killed Red Pikmin!

Purple Pikmin: You bast-

The bugs grabbed Purple Pikmin and then ate him…or at least it tried to, but it couldn't get all of Purple Pikmin in it's mouth and started to choke.

Louie: ………Oh! Oh yeah, (Clears Throat). This is the Cloaking Burrow-Nit, a carnivorous, burrowing insect that prays on Pikmin and other small organisms. It has a large shell on it's back adorned with markings to deter prey. The shell holds it's muscle structure in place, which frees up space to allow it's beak-like appendage the ability to strike out, grab it's prey, and eat it. They are closely related to the Sheargrub family, and even shares the same habit of eating wooden bridges.

When Louie finished talking, he, White Pikmin, the Ship, and Wogpole just stared blankly at the creature attempting, but failing, to swallow Purple Pikmin.

Louie: That poor, poor creature.

Wogpole: Yeah, poor Purple Pikmin.

Louie: Hmm? No, I mean the Burrow-nit. Eating Purple Pikmin…All that MSG, all that trans fat, all that cholesterol…It'll probably have a heart attack just from eating him.

There was another moment of silence, apart from the sounds of a choking bug, that is.

Ship: Shouldn't we, like, help?

White Pikmin: Nah, Blue Pikmin'll just fry that-…Yeah…

Wogpole: Well, we have his weapons, couldn't we use them?

White Pikmin: We don't know how to use them.

Wogpole: Yes you do, you used them in the first episode, remember?

Ship: …How do you know? You weren't even with us back then!

Wogpole: Well, I just re-read the episode files, and used the Ship's onboard camera to-

He realized nobody was listening to him.

Wogpole: …Hey! Are you listening?

Louie: Well, I suppose we _could _try to use the weapons, it'd be better if Red Pikmin was here, he never get's hurt.

Ship: Well, I guess I could give it a try.

He picked up one of the weapons with his metal claws and pulled the trigger. A jet of flames shot out and hit the part of Purple Pikmin that wasn't in the creatures mouth.

Ship: Well, that didn't work. I'll try another one.

He picked up the Shock Therapist and the Monster Pump and fired both of them, with water and electricity shocking Purple Pikmin but missing the bug.

Ship: Well, that's it! None of these weapons seem to work!

Wogpole: You didn't even hit the bug! And you didn't even use everyone! ……..STOP IGNORING ME, DARN IT! Louie! Your not an idiot, surely you know all of this!

Louie: Yes, but it's funny seeing Purple Pikmin getting eaten. Why would I spoil the fun by telling them how to kill it?

Red Pikmin: Yeah. It is pretty funny, isn't it?

Louie: It sure is… What the- how did you-

Red Pikmin: Don't ask.

Ship: It's too bad we can't reason with that bug, but none of us can speak it's language.

Wogpole: …I hate you all.

Louie: Why does everyone steal that line from me?

Red Pikmin: Cause it's awesome.

Crystal (President's voice): Yeah.

Louie: I guess…What the-how did-when did you- I thought I-

Crystal (Regular voice): I'm evil, remember? I can do stuff.

Eventually, the bug coughed Purple Pikmin out and burrowed back into the ground. Purple Pikmin stumbled in front of the gang, stopped for a moment, and then slapped them all.

Purple Pikmin: You jerks nearly blasted me to bits! How hard is it to hit a giant bug while not hitting the Pikmin in it's mouth, huh? I ask you!

Louie: …Why did you slap us?

Red Pikmin: Yeah, guys don't slap other guys…Unless your Michael Jackson.

Crystal (Yellow Pikmin's voice): You know, my slaps are _super _sexy and cool….And sexy!

Louie yelled after hearing this.

Louie: It's not worth it! It's just not worth it! Why did I ever join this stupid company!? WHY!?

Red Pikmin: Because it was either this or a well paying job that requires more than a high school degree.

Louie: …I have a masters degree in Scientific Taxonomy and field Biology, you idiot…Taxonomy is the study of classifying and naming creatures…Man, I gotta stop doing that.

Red Pikmin: Regardless of your creepy and shameful habit of dumbing down every word you hear, shouldn't we continue on our quest?

Louie: …Fine...But when I find those four idiots, I will let them know the _true _meaning of suffering...

Wogpole: How are you going to do that?

Louie: I'll get Olimar's wife to cook tonight.

Red Pikmin: ...You sick bast-

White Pikmin: Moving on!

The splinter group moved out of the cavern, still searching for the rest of the crew and, more importantly, Louie's cooking supplies…Well, _only _for Louie's cooking supplies, really. They moved on, continuing into parts unknown.

To be Continued….

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE POLLS ARE OPEN! So far, eight people have cast their votes for favorite "Know the Beasts" character, but if you aren't one of those eight, go on to my Profile and take the poll (It's at the top of the screen). I'm sorry I keep writing Multi-chapter episodes, but otherwise it would take another month to write everything I write! Also, Please don't send messages, throw objects if you want, but I will rarely post messages via crystal. I may do it if it is funny, but that's it. Now, here is a cool fact about the characters!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've had some fans ask me how old the characters are. Here, they are listed, from youngest to oldest. Their ages are based on the age of their species, the same way a dog can be 21 in dog years and 3 in human years.

**Ages**

Wogpole- 8

Yellow Pikmin-13

Blue Pikmin-15

Red Pikmin-16

White Pikmin-16

Purple Pikmin- 19

Louie- 29

Olimar- 47

President- 53

Ship- 75 (20 in human years, which is _really_ old for vehicle years)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scientific Names

Mitite- "Infiltrating Egg-Parasite"

Female Sheargrubs- "Big Eating Mandiblard"

Male Sheargrubs- "Big Eating Mandiblard"

Swooping Snitchbug- (Unable to translate, my best guess is "Kettle Snitchbug", but don't it to me)

Bumbling Snitchbug- "Doofus Snitchbug"

Skitter Leaf- "Rustic False-Water Skater"

Boom-Cloud Flint Beetle- (This bug is my own creation and so I have named it _Pilli Hiroshima, _which means "Pilled Hiroshima Bomb". To answer your question, Bowser Monster, I created a fourth Flint Beetle because there were four weapons, and I needed all of them to be eaten. Since there was only three types of flint bugs, I created one for that purpose)

Cloaking Burrow Nit- "Reclusive Burrow-Nit"


End file.
